You didn’t tell me you were stopping by;
yet you appeared so suddenly
like the rain does in early April.
We don’t say much although we want to;
what I really want to ask is: why are you here?
I stifle a laugh as I realize there is nothing to be said.
There is nothing ever to be said, especially after
twisting my branches off of my decaying stump
deviously deciding to lay them out before me, pointing at them and laughing before running away like a child
who has done something naughty.
I shake my head watching you run sadly watching
my dying leaves fall to the ground
oh so wishing you hadn’t done that.
I could kick myself wishing you would come back
with a sheepish look on your face trying to put the branches
back into place.
They would never go back of course, but it’s the thought
that always counts right?
Your voice suddenly snaps me out of the past:
"I just wanted to see you."
I bite the inside of my cheek raw
bitter metallic blood oddly soothes my taste buds;
a morbid distraction at best.
Still silence fills the air; creaking of the floor boards
is all we hear.
I really look at you this time: look at that! beads of
sweat appears! are you as anxious as I?
Oh cruel excitement, we meet again!
A slight devilish smile escapes me, I cannot help it.
"The door is behind you," I say and point.
Be gone, let me grow again.

Do not look in the mirror:
What will stare back will be sure to cause
Futility; what you thought would look back is just a face
Your mind has created: alas it is what you would like to see.
But in reality all you are left with is undesirable.
Quick, where is the moisturizer? I see some lines.
Dark circles? I thought we weren’t wearing makeup anymore.
You said we weren’t, we’re only 27 there can’t be lines
Impossible.

I used to smoke cigarettes  
because of the head rush
and how the world would stop
and I could focus
and as quickly as a December’s sunset
my problems would fade  
and it would just be me  
and nothing else invading my brain  
pulling me left and right until I
spiraled and my heart and mind would ache
as if I had climbed mountains for a week.
How cruel of nicotine to trick the mind
into thinking nothing else would help
until I ended up in your arms  
and felt our two souls become one.  
I threw my cigarettes into the river
and breathed you in instead.

When I was five
I watched my father drink  
until his cheeks were rosy pink
but I didn’t think anything of  
it as he playfully chased me on my bike
on a warm August evening.  
The lower the sun sank into the earth,
the more Budweiser cans would open  
and my mother would turn a blind eye
so I couldn’t tell how tired and solemn she looked
until I was sixteen and I noticed they didn’t talk anymore.
My father couldn’t look at me when he asked how my day was,
pouring another can of beer into a glass
and the foam poured over the rim  
just like my anger and pure resentment
for the man who used to make me laugh until I cried
and now the tears soon flowed for different reasons. .  
My parent’s relationship crumbled as did my heart  
as I watched my father’s alcohol intake increase  
and the love I thought he had for me vanish.  


“Remember when you cried when I got my driver’s license?”
I was ignored as he swirled beer around in his glass.  
“Do you still care? Don’t blame this on me.”
A simple text he sent
to his own daughter  
“I never want to see you again.”
Deep in the core of my being resided a hatred  
for a sorry human being who dared to call himself a man
once his true feelings revealed themselves.  
Soon I was twenty five and I found myself still wondering
why I was blamed for his own disease  
and I realized I could be as boiling angry, hurt, and confused  
and clench my fists until they burned just hearing his name
it just wouldn’t change anything.  
He has become a floating memory creeping
deeper and deeper  
in the back of my mind  
drowning in liquor until he completely fades.

Do you dare think
that you are superior?
You are not familiar with her, she
who stands before you.
Yet you find yourself above such a creature
who has moved oceans and rescued
sailors out at sea, while swallowing
bucketfuls of salt water, without protest.
You dare think that you are superior?
She has washed up on shore, spurting blood from her lips but she does not tell you her adventures in turmoil.  
You do not care, for you are only passing through.
You begin to utter choice words, but you may bite your tongue.
For she will send the tides to drown you out at sea.