i am like a box of dark chocolates:
filled with disappointment

my stomach churns
because it is filled
with millions of
butterflies.
i see him there,
smiling and laughing.
a radiant glow
surrounds him
and i can't see
anyone else.
it makes my heart full,
i love to see him happy,
i want to put that
sweet and
beautiful and
warm smile
on his pretty face,
i can't help but
smile with happiness
when i think of him.
one day he will be mine
and i his,
then we can
laugh and smile
for all
eternity.

i look up
and see a world
far greater than
the one i'm in,
billions of bright lights,
that call to me
and say that i'm not alone,
i rise up to them
as if gravity ceased to exist,
and i dance with them
and give glory to their creator,
this world is mine
though i am not of it,
these clusters of stars
and galaxies
bring me more joy
than the hell that
the world i belong to brings,
the celestial beings embrace me
and allow me to finally see
the beauty that's around me,
even if it's far away.

i look down
at the broken earth,
the world filled with sorrow
and grief,
hatred and anger;
the world that i hate.
i am so small
in a world like this,
so insignificant
compared to the billions,
my neck hurts
but all i can do it look down,
for it is better to look
upon this beaten earth,
than to stare straight into
the face of hell.

my eyes open,
the dark night fills my vision,
the moon stares at me
with a smirk on her face
to see if i will make
any form of movement.
i do not.

dead flowers surround me,
they smell of rotten flesh,
but it calms me
and allows me
to forget the
sadness
in my beating heart.

the moon laughs at me
because i am alone
in these wilted flowers,
but i enjoy being alone
and i am always alone
and will be alone
forever,
just like the moon

it envelopes me
like the ocean,
i sink slowly,
it's dark
and becomes darker
until everything is black,
my face is wet,
it tastes like this ocean,
my eyes close
as the darkness grabs me
and clings to me
and whispers to me,
i am nothing
and i am sorry,
it drags me deeper
until i am no more,
it's dark,
but this ocean feels so warm
around me

i fall,
i see the sky
that i longed for,
so dark,
but filled with light,
it drifts from me
as if to avoid me,
my tears
fall up
and leave me,
my limbs, too,
detach,
i become nothing
again,
it hurts,
my chest hurts,
i cant breathe,
something flys away
and I am empty,
i'm sorry