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marïama Jul 2018
I vainly sought in him a cure to the same pain he caused.
we would raise our arguments like sitting ducks just to to knock them down with reasons of logic or luck of love
Some things cannot be undone, people say we are meant for each other, but is it truly so
Maybe just a comfortable phase but will anything grow?
He whispered that there was only me, I believed all that he breathed in my ear, he pulled me in close, closer than anyone before..
I think I hate him now, a bit more every day but I've not given up yet- I want him to stay.
I wonder.. how do you fight jealously
How do you make it stop it’s constant hunger inside you.
Skin so soft that it doesn't seem real, in so deep I can’t keep it concealed, he Is all that i want and all that I need.
but
The doubt is consuming, the wall inside me was well-built and unyielding, my heart left too crippled from past abusers to possibly endure anymore pain
So if this love fails it will destroy everything in its wake.
I feign disinterest, pretend as if he doesn’t
engross my thoughts, as if my heart doesn’t encroach upon my stomach when he enters the room.
I become enraged from time to time when the little green bug called jealously feeds away inside of me
Love has taken control, the knowledge that i let “love” dismantle the wall,
that i spent years building and reinforcing
brick by ******* brick, piece by ******* piece
i let him gradually demolish it and now i am powerless and susceptible and now he has me by the heartstrings and he holds me in his greedy palms.
I even pray to God, the one i'm not even sure i believe in, I tell him that i would do anything,
anything just to take back control.
I can’t imagine how he could ever love a girl like me that looks upon his past with such jealousy but you wouldn't imagine
how one look in his eyes has me gravitating towards him and blindly forgiving the times when he was
with her.
Let’s end the getting-back-at-you-then-getting-back-together-with-you cycle.
Raw hope consumes me between the throbbing headache and dry tears stains after a night of crying

— The End —