O' music box,
With many strings,
Why imprison me?
Why cast your blades across the steely sky?
I must away, but you force me to stay.

When I was a boy, I saw unleashed upon you,
With my young eyes,
A proud disease.

My friend was sick; I could not heal him,
So all I could was smash and bash him.
He would not die, I did not cry,
For I was lost to my own music making box.

"Father, what is this gift? A toy?"
Asked I the living wandering boy.
"How does it work?"
Like death, my youngest self should have foreseen.

Saying I’ll die for someone isn’t very loving when I wake up day after day wanting to die. So if I tell you my dear that I would die for you I must not love you because if I loved you then I would tell you that I would live for you.

You loved him, didn't you?
The way his eyes sparked in the light.
You loved him, didn't you?
The way he held on to you so tight.
You loved him, didn't you?
The way he sounded when he would sing.
You loved him, didn't you?
The way he laughed at everything.
You loved him, didn't you?
The way he'd smile when he caught you staring.
You loved him, didn't you?
The way he was so gentle and caring.
You couldn't show him, could you?
Because he now decided he didn't want your heart.
You were broken, weren't you?
Because you already give it to him from the very start.

I met the devil the other day
you wouldn't believe
what he had to say.

Said I'm tired of always leaving
without a chance to believe
deceived by all my lying.

My fate is tied to my sin
death caused by a tree
to meet a fiery end.

His warm smile kisses my deepest pain
While I watched my own sadness **** the sunset in his eyes
The monsters in my head
Are the same monsters who swallowed his happiness
Our fire was no longer beautiful, but dim
It eventually burnt out,
and turned everything darker than
the night
He stopped telling me I was lovely;
And I stopped feeling safe in his embrace
My desire to be adored
Left us lost and broken
...

The night you told me I didn’t put stars in your eyes anymore was the night
I didn’t see any stars myself. I thought we were written in constellations but that was more hopes
of my own then fate. Yes, I was upset. But I wasn’t in love. And that’s why it didn’t hurt.
I never lied when I said there was a moment when I thought we were some type of forever.
Do you remember the time when you were out by the lake of New Hampshire with the most gorgeous sunrise,
and you told me all you could think about was how much better it’d be if I was there to see it too?
I told you it didn’t matter but when I woke up the next morning, I felt detached from where I was.
There’s a part of me that wishes I saw that sunrise too.
But that’s just how it is.
All I have is stories of “has been”s and “could’ve been”s. A collection of “almost” and never seen sunrises—
the memories carefully stacked on top of each other, organized and filed away, collecting dust.
Somewhere I still think we exist though, an eternal splotch of sunshine and mutual caring, some place where our love didn’t hurt.
Somewhere there’s a lace wedding veil and a matching tux that were actually worn. Somewhere there’s the unfinished scrapbook I put together that has more pages added to it. Somewhere there’s a collection of passports from all the road trips we should’ve taken.
Somewhere out there, we are the type of forever I intended us to be.
Somewhere, in a little cabin in New Hampshire, surrounded by evergreens and daffodils,
there’s a little girl with the same name as my favorite movie character
with your hazel eyes and my dark hair.