you undress my mind with your eyes
see behind the walls surrounding my thoughts
and caress my worries and pain

i figured out that no one else is going to tell me i'm beautiful so i had to learn how to tell myself

i laugh when people tell me to
follow my heart
cause my heart is in my chest
so it really just follows me

you brought me into the darkness and after you left i was too scared to leave.

as I write this I lay in bed on a Friday night. i just saw my friends were at a party.
well friends from a distance.
and then I saw my friend hanging out with my other friend behind my back.
but this is not what saddens me.
what makes me sad is the fact that that could have been me.
but I search deep in myself trying to find a passcode or a key.
to unlock the "normal" part of me.
normal as in when will I talk to only two people and then go home and talk to no one.
hold on I almost let a tear out of my eye.
why is it that me, makayla, sits in her bed this Friday night alone, saddened, broken.
when did I become broken. have I always been?
i beg the question, who fault was this. because if it mine I can accept that, but I must place blame.
if i don't I will just wallow, keep my tears behind the cages of my eyelids, or die.

today, i looked outside the window
HA
did you think i’d go outside
and destroy that beautiful scene
my feet would have left a mess,
my breathe would’ve moved the seeds
no
everything needs to stay in place
like that painting um,
something with lillies?

i drink coffee
before bed
because i want to dream of running a marathon
far far far far away from you.