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7.2k · May 2015
my homeland
Maahv Z May 2015
dearer to me than my heart
dearer to me than my soul
and i bleed
I lose
with my heart and soul
Inflicting pain, sorrows
griefs -- endless remorse

Once my homeland was pure
it was freed from blood
******, insensitivity
once my homeland was free of evil inhabitants
sorrows multiplied a thousand fold
gathered in pain-inflicted tears
with lump in throats
distant from your presence
i cry-- for your loss

On the rooftops of tragedies, my heart sink more
like an orphan, an abandoned child
my homeland bleeds
i scream within
i feel the abandonment

dearer to me than my own voice
dearer to me than my own eyes
and i am silent
I am blind
losing my sight, losing my voice
as my voice can't reflect the pain i feel
my eyes can't cry any more
reflecting ocean of deprived

once my homeland was free of pain
people were safe
we running like rivers
do not say it
our country was a flesh in body
now it is a dead body amongst many flesh
forgotten the promises
forgotten the true colors
in the name of revenge, we humiliate humanity

my intention is not to write poems
in my soul, i embrace nights long
this land absorbed wounds, tears
blood, fights, and many martyrs
who are forgotten
my country is our hope
we are growing in broken shadows
this siege is waiting us to drown us
in the middle of lonesome warrior

nobody can feel in absence of love
who are incapable to feel
to take, to absorb
love require us to cry, to embrace
today our homeland is deprived
abandoned, bleeding

she is under siege
as we forgotten to love
we deprived her of her loyalty
we deprived her of her love
we deprived her of her true lovers

My homeland I feel your pain
in my heart I carry all with me
3.1k · Aug 2020
My starry night
Maahv Z Aug 2020
Look up,
aren't we blessed
to witness the starry pattern ..
it echoes across
my thoughts
my writings
in
my
head ..
filling up this void
in its quite solitude..

let me be drunk
overflowing with starry, mid-night
magical night ..
who cares what goes around
the world !!
While,
I witness the marvels
my heart
my soul
in
my
dreams ..

I find you in the loneliness
of these words
amidst
dreaming
of starry nights ..
all over me !!

in a colourful
yet subtle silence.
2.2k · Sep 2020
bitterness
Maahv Z Sep 2020
they say
'love heals all wounds'
let not bitterness
sit in your heart

i done all
people see
me
burning
bit by bit

love burns me
bitterness come inside
sitting in me
my heart

i try to raise my level
yet
it comes to me

i thought i am done
with bitterness

my heart says a different story
i can't breath
i am suffocated
in this skin
with all my 'love'


drunk in this bitterness
sitting by myself
gathering all my thoughts
trying
so hard
not to let it win
over me

my troubled heart
tells me
to speak up
guess
i am too shy of a person
to speak with my vocal words

am i running back?
I thought i came
forward with my life
but here we go
again

sitting in bitterness
with agony
in my heart
i can't fight
anymore

even for the sake
of love
guess i don't know my strengths


i am, yet
just so done
with hatred
bitterness
all over my face
1.6k · Dec 2016
Spirit of life
Maahv Z Dec 2016
Gabriel asked the Prophet
'read', prophet who God crowned with a prophethood
of being last
replied 'I cannot read'
Prophet wrapped himself with a warm blanket
Khadija the prophet's true love said
You are God's chosen one
since you are all sincere, honest
and never do wrong to His people.

this, what is wrong with today's people
never seeking to learn
or read
knowing they know everything.
so they can **** anyone
in the name of God
they **** innocent people
and yet, the response is
'we **** infidel's
who are the infidels?
You and i are not God
It is for the God to decide
who's the most kind of all

The Sunni Muslims have a story to tell they're better than shia Muslims
and shia' have defensive tale to say, 'they are less honored one'
it's all politicized matters
not the religion
the crusades of islam is not about religion
but the gaining of power
who's going to lead after the Prophet's  death?

even the prophet himself narrated 'he's mere human being
who God blessed with might

God says, love thee people
as I love you the best
I'm closest to you, even more closer to your own heartbeat
no other will love you, as i how love you

I felt the longingness
this hunger, and the strike to do well in life
even though, i no longer am with people
who i thought to be my people
it feels so odd and out of place
most of the time
since i can't begin to tell
how truly i feel

i learned to unlearn
my roots, and inheritance
how hard it is, to defy
what you knew for your entire life

I learned to be with people, without needing them
and saying, 'goodbye's, when I didn't want to
since nothing is real
nobody is here for real
only the matters, and interactions with each other
will define
the true identities of us

it doesn't hold true to people, who share Islamic faith
but, the Christianity, Hinduism, or Judaism
or another religion
in any other region of the world

As of my utterance, i don't trust people with establishments
and people, running the show

In Pakistan, the land where i was born
nobody cares for anyone, whether they leave
or stay
even if somebody dies
people stay inhumane, insensitive about most of the things
but the focus is too much on religion
even the moral conduct
is not so right

At the edge of my state, when i utter this i feel erked
and awkward
low in spirits or perhaps
i don't feel anything, at all.

When the Abraham was asked to 'sacrifice'
his beloved son, 'Ismail'
he without defying
obliged to Gods will
God, in his dutiful obedience
replace Ismail with a lamb
to fulfill the traditions, Muslims each year
follow the Abrahams traditions
when people slaughter million of animals
in name of God which has merely became a mockery
of 'sacrifice'

The day i left my house, i felt truly abandon
and so, the time when i left my friend's house
who i visited only before leaving
I thought to myself, this will never be filled
and it didn't
even after many years afterward
I stand in my nomadic spirit
without owning anything
or have anything in mind, to occupy anything

This world, as i see
is a mere transition period
where we meet people
of all race, and kinds
from all regions , and faith
but it doesn't give us any upper or lower hand
to justify anything, whatever we feel
or think.

As it is not for me to decide
or others to judge,
by other people's religion, or region
color, race, kind

There is no place in Quran that says, hate people
from other religion
nor it says, to defend your faith
when people attack you.
The rising Islamphobia and hatred
for the muslims,
in response, all the muslims could say,
'Islam is a religion of peace'
a defensive approach, again and again
not wiling to understand
it's not for you to defend your religion
your faith doesn't need you, it's you, who needs it
for your own purity, to perserve the innocence
and the feeling for others
when others fail to do

God says, 'Surely there are signs in this
for those of you who would reflect'
to me, its a comforting zone
I derive my pleasure in this
but there are so many people out there, interpreting the verses
in their own perspectives.

Upon the reasons, i feel it's necessary to challenge yourself
your mind, your readings
learnings
inheritances
wisdom and all the knowledge you acquired over the years

we don't acquire knowledge in order to boost
but to be better,
and to understand the reasons

I was named by the 'Moons light, that means moonlight which is poetic
and referred as 'beautiful'
I am not sure who named me, as i remember my childhood
a very quiet, deserted and lonely one
it wasn't tragic but disturbed


I have erased my memory and the corners of heart, that used to feel mighty heavy
for so many things
the betrayals, insincere
and lack of resistance shown by people
i left everything behind me

When Ishaq's sons took Yusuf
he cried most of his times, till the point
he lost his sight which he regained by seeing Yusuf's
he was betrayed by his own brothers
only to gain their father's attention
they tricked Yusuf
which he survived regardless

the betrayals are hard to forgive or even remove
and the cultural hindrances, resistant obstacles

it's been a while since i felt home
anywhere
and even when I'm home
i feel the distant memory of my own self
which was innocent

I'm Mahwish, and it means 'beautiful like moonlight
my life will reflect the meaning of my name, someday
and till then
I continue to live.
1.4k · Dec 2016
poem in today's world
Maahv Z Dec 2016
I
do you think you can sleep?
when you see a girl, a little girl
being bombed in her own house
losing her toys
her beloved brother
wake me up
when the war ends
and the suffering go away
I was told, I am too sensitive
you make it too personal
I don't know how does it feel?
What does it look like exactly?
I plagiarize the thoughts, of people being silent
I listen to their thoughts
and heart,
flooded with heaviness
just like how it is mine, sometimes
or should I say most of the times
I'm sick of news
I am sick of the content media plays
again and again
of the pictures, showing young kids losing their lives
even if that little girl sleep
do you think she'll be able to sleep well?
Or will she dream?
our reflection is not shown in the mirror
like that little girl
I can’t dream
nor can i can sleep well
it is true, indeed


II
tell me, when the war ends
or tell me it has
I don't like prosing
but the grief asked me, to write more
even when I know
it makes no difference, as yet
it only makes me more sad
to see my emotions
floating just like a rhythm
it's been a while since I stopped writing
I stopped writing poems
I write in a language which people don't understand
all they say, 'i am too sensitive'
I need 'therapy', i should have come with 'an instruction pamphlet'
to deal with me
as they say, its not easy being with me
so there it is, they left, just like that
without any explanation, without any consolation
but I can't care more of this
since its difficult

III
truth is harder to tell
every year, there's more to lose
and more to let go.
yet, I write
I am compelled to
even though, nobody wants to hear you out
the anguish inside
crackling inside your bones
some days my heart beats very fast
and I can hear it
even then I stay helpless
at the mercy of the people losing so much of themselves
yet, nobody does anything
including myself
it’s a consolation reward
for being a human
in a world
where sympathy is ‘weakness’
this wasn’t me
this isn’t me, I grew up
more and more compassionate
feeling too much, thinking too much.
I cry as often, as most people
would even think of anything
of all the love, and the care
this static visions and imaginary world
hard to watch, the scars and wounds
with so much broken, wretched life’s
and the lies that establishments make
should I stop trusting people
yet I don’t
and I realize
I’m just so full of *******
since the body, I’m in
feels too much
even I’m not directly involved
I can bury my past and I have
to all the people
who didn’t want me to be in their life
as I quietly left

IV
It takes courage to tremble
and be weak
I left the therapy
and the needing thing
all I understand
how not be in a world of ‘how to be
breaking hearts or law
or the promises
they're all same, equally worse
we have to create our own destiny
its louder than war
or violence
and I know, I will
just like that
with each time I feel my heart sinking
I get motivation
to stand up for all the people who can’t
to be a voice of all the million people who can’t speak
even if I feel far away,
know, I am not gone
I am just tired of the feelings that I feel
and it’s the very thing
you will remember me of
this kindness and genuineness
it will be a symbol of my life
maybe, I will sleep well then
or so does that little girl
spreading love and hope
kind of life we led
and not intending to stay back here
where it just feels too much.
1.3k · Sep 2018
notes from my journal
Maahv Z Sep 2018
Enclosed in this body
I find myself terribly alone
people who are supposed to be mine; I don't understand their customs even though we share same language
how can we share same culture, bonding, skin colour and religion?
I find this bizarre- strange, and defying
though I did not want; I am forced to hear the stories
participate in this wildness of rituals, judgemental games
these rituals, maddening remarks and cultural scores
majorly- religious obsession; I find this bizarre, fanatic, humiliating
I, just feel, absurdly, obscurely and intensely alone
officially, I resigned from feeling too human.
1.1k · Jan 2018
Untitled
Maahv Z Jan 2018
All I know
That I was drunk
By the hallucinations
Of your looks of your touch
Of your soothing mystery
I didn’t know much
Yet I know
That I loved you
With my heart in rich force
Mingled with yours
You overlooked
You never bothered
And here I’m
Waiting again
To be touched to be felt
To be known again
In a land
Of your mystery looks
1.1k · Jan 2015
hey listen we all need you
Maahv Z Jan 2015
don't die
we all need you
you are too good
it doesn't matter to us what you feel
we don't think
about you
nor do we care about it
don't give us despair
you are mad--full of craziness
we don't understand anything
but too good
your actions make us want to have you more
like an addiction
we do take your presence for-granted
we believe we have a right on you
you let us think this
so we do it
we don't see your tears
we don't feel your thoughts
it doesn't matter to us
i told you we are all indifferent
but i assure
we all need you
you bring us good
you do us good
you make us feel good
yet perhaps we are not able to do same
because we can't
if we will
we fear of losing you
who will we have for free?
such a good deal
who leaves!
We don't..so we don't bother
about you
for you
don't expect
are you listening me?
you can't die
you are too good
who will make us feel good
if you die?
don't think we will cry
our lives will still continue to go on
unlike you
who stops and cry for everyone
don't expect us
we are all indifferent.
1.0k · Nov 2014
we are just not ourselves
Maahv Z Nov 2014
we are the people
who care only
when there's no care left
we are the people who are void of empathy
we are the one who speaks
while our emptiness sparkles within us
we are the hero's we are the losers
we are everything what we desire to
we are just not ourselves

we looked upon as a stars
we looked down as meagre ones
whatever we feel is alien to others
we are missing ones, we lose ourselves in shapes of others
we are seeking ones, we are loved ones
without love..we love only where's nothing left
it is insane to expect, why do we still care
while everything hurts-- the people, their words their actions
we are everyone and everything
what we long to
we are just not ourselves

not to be longing not to log in with spirits
we desire to hold a spirit-- while our spirits shrink within flesh
we are the forgotten ones , we are the victorious
here are the notions we must not take for-granted
despite we do, till it is finished
it seeks us everything- we finish it without seeking
we begin it without finishing; we finish without starting
we dwell upon sadness, we dwell upon frightfulness
we desire to be whatever we wish to
we are everything, we are everyone
we are just not ourselves

silence holds me like a forgotten friend
i answer with all my sinking-- where to be how to be what to do
these are all the wondering i wonder every now and then
with all considerations, i wonder how to ****** lost souls
to transplant the missing gaps, not to desire a thing
we hold onto despite; we let go with ourselves
we are everyone..we are everything
what we desire to
it's only..we are not just ourselves

the extra ordinary matters to meet the ordinary ones
time for everything, time to do all chores
we beseech our manners without mannerism
we leave a mark which nothing heal
the materialism overshadow us-- we sign with our gestures
to make it worse..without realizing
we realize when its gone..yet we don't amend
we are our shadows, we are our fleshes
we are souls we are the sinking hearts
to be seen everywhere, to be felt in each pattern
we are everything we are everyone
what we desire to
we are just not ourselves
932 · May 2015
poetry
Maahv Z May 2015
i don't do poetry
because i want to look intellectual
well-read
intelligent, thoughtful
or impress
people by my words
or take anyone's attention
i do poetry
because i am often alone
left alone
all and out
on my own
to submerse within my own
i crave for existences
no one appears
all stay distant
like a thoughtful absence
i have no harm
confessing in need
words are too deaf to make any sound
other too busy listening to
other songs
of other people
they must be harmonious
cheerful and dedicated
mines too glum
too sad
as i refused to give up
nor to be brainstormed
i go on my own
so i live like this
yet poetry comes to me
like a bereaved friend
it's with me when i sleep
it's there when i laugh
even though
i try to avoid of it's comings and goings
poetry's intensity sits in my heart
like a fog in early morning
but i am not sure
what to do with it
how to keep it
will this stay like an adjourned bond
poetry exists through me
like a thread in fabric
cutting every little piece within me
and i hear
'what a thoughtful presence'
874 · Nov 2014
companions
Maahv Z Nov 2014
when the night plunged
darkness took me in its closet
i begin to vouch for the taste
my delights, my dreams
we've got nowhere to go
we've got no secrets
and i stand alone with solitary soul
its a consolation
where else you see real picture
the dusky shadows
and murky humor ..
it does not submersed me in its charm
neither voices
nor people..the happening
it never has..it never did
living in cracked life is a joy
pursuing myself
day by day- endless
to get what i lost
i thank heaven
for the mercy he bestowed me with
staying with me..in my worn out heart
it did mend..it did get widen
and the songs of my wonderings persist
without a desire to be heard or
to be understood
it was a solitary ride
about a soulful thought ..forgetful of any cares
they all turned out to be my weary companions
my the loyalist- the friendliest of all
i slowly took everything out of me
minute to minute..it profoundly wounded my affections
and pinched my soul; all my profane profanity stir up
I refuted with all my confessions; and made it be absent!!
823 · Nov 2014
not so kind
Maahv Z Nov 2014
people keep telling me
not to be like this
the way i am
don't do this
dont do that
you know nothing
its said don't hurt
because see 'hurt' is bad
and bad is bad
how can you convert it into good
or welfare
no matter what you do
and how
people will still be rude
acheful
and deceitful
its not in my mind
to see what they see
they say you know nothing
accept other people's view
to understand them
even if they are outdated
kindless, rigid, heartless
we are asked to realize
especially if it hurts
so what if you are hurt
i am asked
to re-evaluate myself
x-ray and realize
'i am wrong'
they are all right
see..they hide well
i am asked to conceal as well
but see
i can't
i suffer because of this
of my sheer plainness
of my brutality
of my severity
just to be a real
in a world where everybody
does nothing
other than hurt'
yet again
i am asked 'don't think, don't feel'
'you are good'
not knowing it's my heart
that get hurts in the end
761 · Nov 2014
of seeing my own heart
Maahv Z Nov 2014
I am not of you nor of they, my heart is beyond of any state to speak
thousand and thousands, you may throw me at waste, for you can not touch my soul
The line is beyond of you to hear it, I am too forgetful for all you
Singing of love has created tumult among the wise, for I am too deaf
What more, of you may speak of me while the dust is my shell ?
my eyes are lowered, yet tears rolls; my speeches have gone quiet, yet my mouth is open
Is there a way out, o the knower ! I am sitting with my drunk heart, broken spirit
I was the bad one amongst the company of nobles, for I am too narrow to be noble
O, the knower, I wish neither to be noble nor intellectual, for I've seen the true of worldly faces
Make me not amongst them, any more nor make me see any of them
my heart lyrics a bonding for you, let me abandon the ways that lead to self-conceit and timidity
How can a fish see the marvels up there in a space? How a mouth can speak wonders of your love?
I am too small, my love; for your ways of love are higher than skies, deeper than an ocean's depth
Even the purest of soul can not narrate the feeling; It's beyond of any reasons
I wish for nothing, for no one; for I am too drunk in ways of seeing my own heart !
741 · Nov 2014
silences
Maahv Z Nov 2014
the world is too full of people
a lot of practises, norms, traditions
something i can't get along
i have had it in me
languages, oceans, love, seasons
unfed, uncultured
i refuse to open up
to the danger living out there
it might swallow it up
i went away...i subtracted
from all the additions
and madness, jury's, promises
vows, linkages
this silence that i possess is worth a language
of speeches, made up by words
so carefully sewed by grammer, adjectives and nouns
a beautiful place - trees
love, nature, mountains ..child's careless laughter
open yet so concealed
souls sees it - dances it with the sensations
coming out ..like a sun amidst dark clouds
i stay like i care least
shrugging off everything ..and everyone
not of that, not of this
in my heart..i contain all
feeling of beauty ..feltful sadness
converted into deep joys
rivers, cold glaciers into melting snow .
there is much that can be spoken about
it's only..silences in me
take me along..much more
than language with such torn up words
736 · Apr 2016
writing
Maahv Z Apr 2016
write
sometimes only for words
for language, for nature
for beautiful things
like sunset, sky
smiles, heartfel conversations
sitting with strangers
feeling the air..
touching these objects
knowing the feel
of being alive
true and bright
there's no meaning
people don't worth your attention
they don''t see
they don't care
don't be like a world
they are running
like a circle
it doesn't take them anywhere
this something---they are not aware of
in their own race
they cry every minute.
knowing the truth in their heart
living a life
to please the world..
don't be good or bad
you will be judged nevertheless
it doesn't matter
when you find a story
it'll be a treasure
this story will transform whoever will read
meaning--of a complete notion of wonderful idea's
and those words.
they will be imprinted in hearts
of feelings...
mind, of a thinking one
for years to come
it will reflect a true reflection
of your own story
living in senseless times of greed
and power!
726 · Oct 2015
To you
Maahv Z Oct 2015
every moment he was my child
it seemed he left me for another woman
those women; he complained were his companions
he felt solidarity
and that night---i lose myself of me
once more
he belonged to none, but myself
i wish i could paint him
there're no colors; i find solace
the tangible form and intangible idea's
i draw images in my mind with him being together
where no other women existed
and all this madness
i inherited in loving him too much
bit of anguish, a bit of longingness
and still craving for his touch ..
yet i wouldn't speak of this love
or sleep or hear
i know in your silences; i lost myself
with all the beatings of your heart
i possessed all the grace, and your light
occasionally i set myself apart from you
but i lost myself, to another woman
and each of your women, i lost every more of myself
it wasn't the greatest of the sadness
till i know
there is no love force in me
and in this confusion, you went away
to another woman, and to your women
all over you..
i would write you , in my each of letters
and in my alphabets and syntax of broken language
but i lose the power to write
to the force, i feel inward
and with every little of myself
i lose myself more of me,
and little by little,
i crave for you more
and i think of you in grandeur of this world
in hustle bustle of love
i think more of my great love
As i realize, the loneliness
is my greatest companion
and i'm the one, who belongs to loneliness
ahh, you shouldn't have let me go
this loneliness has gone over me
and yet, your women wouldn't leave you
making me see the loss of myself
every little while
this silence remind me of my greatest love
it reminds me of our possessed share
where there was everything but loyalty
in veiled colors
it seems i can't get over the days
of you being together with me
but your women came along
you felt consoled and you felt at ease
giving yourself to them
while keeping me in heart, you gained those women's attention
everything so untouched, and so distant
i feel my love more moving
close, and intense
your gazing is still over me
and i wish i could touch the sun
and sky, and stars
my heart, perhaps would feel at ease
perhaps i could adopt them
as my child ....as you were my own,
a piece drawn from me
but you were, another women's
those women were your face, your mind
and your life
but your heart...i touch your heart
even i feel this great warmth in me
moving for you, craving for you
i wouldn't still be your woman
and in him,
i felt a sharp pain of being a woman
707 · Oct 2016
Untitled
Maahv Z Oct 2016
I fooled myself
by saying
i don't need anyone
i care the least
in this thick smoke, in dim light
i feel my heart sinking
of knowing my misery
what do i need?
why do i fool myself?
i get myself fooled
these conversations are not as bare
they are not plain
it's taking out of me, myself
this very essence,
i am loosing
suppose we get married
than what?
how do i face whats bound to happen
i can't tackle the pressure
the social, cultural
doesn't make sense to me
i listen, regardless
since my soul, is interlinked with yours
my heart, your heart, are two deep lovers
an ancient story
where we built our hopes
it's not taking us anywhere
not to me..
each time when i see your face
it reminds me of my helpless
i get myself fooled
thinking i can bear anything
by telling myself
i'm strong
when in real
it's opposite.
683 · Aug 2018
Moving on
Maahv Z Aug 2018
4 am & i am up
thinking about life; and those casual heartaches
blurred over lines, from
hangovers; from last night
dissolved in an abyss
lost in momnets of love.

6am and this struggle
continue in my vassal, holding into hope
these are careless whinning
another vegabond- bottled up
in crazy soul; and this body
how do i refine myself of these
'too many' memories
i still don't know why i cried
it's something that my heart
rearranged & felt in its cage- waiting to be free
carved in moment of silence

8pm - i replace smiles
and removing soberity
putting on wilderness- empty roads
empty brothels
people- of their smiles; faces; of all kind
and rendered between those faces
dancing away like i am not myself
as long as i can dance.
who cares to be carrassed.
this town is a blessing-
slowly & drifting away- i am crafted in these soulless ***** nights

midnight- & those fading passions
everything changes- like a bad man's dream- why did i leave?
i was never meant to stay back?
never fits into this mess
there''s no healing- and no way back
unable to recognize this emptiness- not everything gets filled
it's like both way- glass half full; and half empty
all surrealist--fading away
into a myth of starry night.
609 · Apr 2016
I remember
Maahv Z Apr 2016
i have to tell you
I remember
even the misty sounds of silence
deep glimpses of your eyes
there are times
when i am surrounded by images
sounds, voices
mystery and strange
i dont let anyone know it
like a great fictional memory
i remember
even the alphabets used in dialogues
so were the syntax of statements
this sun strike me
like a bus hits a man
a vagabond
of it's own
i'm like this
wondering on my own
to escape myself of the voices
and the sounds
visions
there are times
i hardly even bother to read
my mind becomes my diary
these alphabets become
my love life
so i solitary i keep them
without a need
to define.
598 · May 2015
the cruel time
Maahv Z May 2015
it all began with genius
of head and heart
without any senses
where thoughts did not match
with those existences
and minds went to wonder
fitful and cruel with all its speed..
where nothing floats
and warmth of seasons
of bitter love..
my heart spell profoundly for you
as if it didn't circulate before
there is an ache
it feels no pain still
such a love it is
and i am known to be careless
directionless
time exit when you exist around me
wondering will i be able to live?
and i summon up
all my hopes; and my love
pitiless and highly drenched
my sorrows
parched with your memories
words, senses and madness of deep lyrical love
and i stare
senselessly, waiting
in this darkness of love
and of my soul
you become an image
whom i once held precious
time prove again
of my delusional heart-- and that love!
wistfully i think
of all the passages that could halt
this love!
its distressing to know
the times cruelty
we loved without any mercy
it carried the worst madness
of this time; and of my love!
571 · Dec 2016
darkness
Maahv Z Dec 2016
we all have our dark sides
sometimes, it turns us
black, cold
complete shallow
and hollow
sometimes, it drown us
and i wonder about my values,
my morals, my beliefs
where did they all go?
Is it a curse
or might it just be my own escape?
this darkness, that i feel
it made me loose myself
and i let it go
of my past, of my bitter realities
as i give myself
to people,
and to all people, of all kind, and race
its not even me
i do realize
yet i can't think more
as i dont know who am i
my heart sinks
and sometimes a lot
just in this moment
when i feel at loss
not feel like moving anymore
and i wonder
why i had to let go?
is it better than before?
this loneliness
that i wont tell
is something more of a soul
and heart
I guess, i just don't enjoy much
this world
or people
and maybe
o my darling, this just my too many thoughts
this darkness, that i feel
and it has no restrictions
as it drown me
completely.
564 · Aug 2018
Untitled
Maahv Z Aug 2018
i felt you
so closely, and very near
like an air, like a wind
but you are still far..
i felt you
near me, so close
all over me and my senses
you touched me
went by my breath, my face
my head,
i haven't been myself ever since.
i felt you,
that close..in my blood
in my restlessness, in my helplessness
you came and left me vulnerable
my heart is like a child, needing presence
to feel warmth and not abandoned
but it doesn't have any.

i felt you
that close, and that near
hitting me with your force
showing the might-
i have been reminded of my weakness
so much, that i am struggling to focus
i can't see any face, i am blinded by your supremeness
and i feel powerless.
wondering where do i stand
in this life?
how did you leave me, so closely
so powerful
and yet here i am
writing about you, after being crushed by you
overwhelmed by your extreme
i felt you, oh death
so closely
you were there, that close
yet, left me
just like everyone else.
560 · May 2016
When I had my death
Maahv Z May 2016
When I had my death
I kept my life on bedside table
and it continued to appear in front of my barren eyes
Chapters of sorrows and regrets
came over
and over
verses of sadness and remorse's
fell again and again
ahead of my dark image!


Night, outside was dark
thick, foggy, cold
inside, the life was
getting cold
freeze and thin

I tried to ran away,
to escape myself
from this pain, from this agony of coldness
by throwing a blanket on
my dying body
but
death approached me
with fast steps and caught me

I saw its face, full of disgust,
and dark with blood on its flesh
all over!


I shouted and shouted
I screamed and screamed
but no sound came
No hands came, no wonder happen
And I quietly
let the death embraced me
in that very night!!

-2009-
533 · Mar 2017
sounds of emptiness
Maahv Z Mar 2017
for a time
and for a night
i felt these moving senses
everywhere, all over
thunders, roars of storms
anger, craving and sadness
its not a shared happiness
but a hideous bottle of despairs
insecurities, and human madness.
for a long time
bitterness stayed in
just around the corner
and at the edge of world
Like at tip of these fingertips
i sensed this quiet substance
as i began to fathom
the limitless of a human mind
consciousness of a lifeless vision
i starved within this body
to capture the sounds of knowledge
That comes with an instinctive awareness
as we become aware of this void
there is no end
as i see
there was nothing to say
only the haunting images
and words that destroy the perfect picture
beyond the spaces of our time
there exists the infinity of our existence
but to all this
i did not say much
but felt the human-shaped emptiness
that had been carved in me
530 · Jun 2020
Rain
Maahv Z Jun 2020
This rain makes my heart ponder
I, once again, fall in love
with rain--as it drops
and the sounds of her whispers
splashing everywhere
it makes me less alone
falling apart
tear
by
tear
pouring all over my skin.
drenched
yet warm in its all sheer presence
Rain--recognise my presence, after all!

What a joy, this--nature find me
in a mid of June
While nights are long and drunk
without a shadow
of any existence..

I, once again, fall in love
with nature--it's absolute completeness
it makes me feel i am not alone
anymore..
not the only one shattered
scattered everywhere
with all its shattered pieces
of pride and hope.
Rain makes me feel good

holding my hands
carrying
my weight
whispering softly
like a mystery
to never stop believing.
526 · Apr 2016
I don't pretend
Maahv Z Apr 2016
I won't let you speak me
There's too much in my mind
and i won't let you read
you don't have to be anything
i won't have to taste it
i will taste it
even if it taste so bitter
and i'm so on my own.

i'm back on my own
with my black and white
and i don't know where to call my home
i'm my own home
i'm my own shelter
i don't have to be anyone
to be accepted
i don't have to be anywhere
to be seen
they know I'm here
true and kind

if you will call
i won't let you mind
this distance is fine
and i know you can't care
I've no heart to care
there's no big deal
i don't want you back

And I am fine with that
i don't have to pretend that i care
reminding myself of my lost mind
all my wasted energy
as i don't care
any less or more

there's too much in my mind
i need to speak
but i don't have time
as i've no heart
i had to see how you not bothered

I am so amazed
these changing colors
it's summer here
the sunshine is keeping me warm
i was cold in my own fire

did you see it
as i see you not noticing anything
you didn't see me leaving
there was too much in life that you wanted to keep
other than I,
so i didn't mind
your mind won't let you leave my thoughts.

But i won't care
i don't pretend.
524 · Jun 2016
grammar of feelings
Maahv Z Jun 2016
what i felt with him,
i felt with none
and what i feel
for him,
i feel nothing more
for anyone
other than ***** eyes
over my body
awaiting to be licked and pressed
but he was none other than my own idea
of love
and of being loved
his were nothing but
women
and other women
wanting him more and more
out of desperation
i feel nothing
other than him

2015
520 · May 2015
melancholy
Maahv Z May 2015
the one i love
is not with me
i don't cry nor i discuss
melancholy stays with me
night and day
whats melancholy?
is it the pain of heart
or sadness of soul
i trade with both
there's too much
we move on
not knowing the whereabouts

life rolls on and on
like a roller coaster
why do i write
despite i feel empty
so hollow
i don't even think i am living
i feel non-existent
a memory a hallucination
of a loved one
of being loved
yet these words comes like a lava
waiting to erupt

we are too busy
living a dream
not ours'
but everyone else's
to keep everyone happy
to ensure they stay with us
they don't
nobody does
we are often accused for being too cruel
too corrupt

yet we all live
like a standby picture
as if we have been waiting for time
to embrace us
to befriend us

the little pains and our sorrows
i wanted to get rid
but sorrows know how to swim
it's all around me
its all over me
its all on me
and the one i love
is not with me
516 · Nov 2014
the bad angel
Maahv Z Nov 2014
It got no meaning while you all say
Forget it – this matters nothing
My dab brain never understood
The logics- or the passions
I couldn't submersed with your identities
Or ideologies  here it is despite all the banishing
Have you long gone missing elsewhere?
Just our caramels and sweetness – or the madness
I couldn't care about it; I couldn't mend anything
While for all the mistakes
And all the words..It all consumed my thoughtfulness
Nor longing to express- any wildest idea
Or fancy thoughts ..i deem to be a mad one
in somewhere else; whom you could not wish to be with
Now all your bones crackle up inside
Breaking up- decaying minute by minute
I'm set off on roads again – not desiring to be known
Had to desire too much of my desires!
We ain't know what is all about- and your creepiness
There was a moment- some hid moments
Where I ought to be good..you got me
You get me going with nowhere..and I sent my hopes to wondering winds
Swirling around like myself
Where they all existed once …letting go became too common
It cease to occur who were they; in real
And the reality got polluted forever !
493 · Dec 2014
Untitled
Maahv Z Dec 2014
some days you are less likely to feel anything
as if there is a bizarreness sitting in you
like infinite stars in every inch of you
exploding in you, with you
and you are burning too bright
like an erupted lave
with all sort of exposure
looking at you directly
facing you--arguing with you
and some days you feel
your whole body is eaten up
as if somebody nurtured all the energy from you
such days are the blessings
so are the other days
and some days it is equally impossible not to feel small
as if nothing will appear
the spaces between atom and cells
you will feel too delicate to go on
each of your cell feels invisible
easily blown away
fragile vulnerable weak
and some days you feel tough
too tough to break anything
anyone..
as if you are made of strength
that holds you up
made up with character, vision
mind and thoughts
that are not breakable
as if they will build you up, like of building blocks
sensitivity and too much being alive makes it for you
feeling more than human
and you feel infinite, mesmerized and eternal
forever.
491 · Apr 2016
Narration
Maahv Z Apr 2016
I am a narrative
of my own dictionary
there's nothing i need to keep it adorned
as i rarely see much of the world
other than nature
and the beautiful smile's
warm eyes
visionary minds
people don't fascinate me
shallowness
hollow mind's with greed to overcome
i let it be..
i'm not competing
to the world

it doesn't subtract me from my living
nor does it take me to its world
as i use my own words
undefined
careless and without of matter..

there's no subjection
or objection
i'm my own subject
there are dreams
I allow myself to be me
as i move here to there
one moment to other moments
i'm complete in this existence
i use words to rewrite me
when i'm removed by people
their thoughts, their wantings..

I choose not to be
as i read my own mind
I know i'm a quiet being
with no specific need.
478 · Nov 2014
be in love
Maahv Z Nov 2014
lets fall in love again
and whisper our secrets
to the sunshines, fragrances
beauty
lets possess passions all over again
and forget all the bitter songs
comfort ourselves with brightness
smiles, hope and more love
life flying away soon
darkness crippling our souls
let's forget everything
be in love
and feel the beauty of love possessing
come and take
I am not here to decay
its not to be shaken
lets not fade our real selves
lets not forget our realizations
lets not forget our shortcomings
lets accept all and fall in love again

I want to hold again
let's stay and let this make it memorable
may we never feel sunset ever
lets make ourselves friends
and fall in love again !

let me live love
seize the moments of happiness and ecstasy
I am here just and only for this
let's not hurt ourselves more
forget the pain-giving matters
and embrace ourselves with love!
464 · Oct 2016
trouble
Maahv Z Oct 2016
I feel trouble in my heart
trouble in my mind
tell me, 'what to do'
I'm expecting to see him
once more
tell me, how do i avoid myself
these demons; who do i confide in
Am i killing myself?
these words keep coming to me
side by side, even the friends don't turn up
as much as they do
but i don't know
there's a trouble in my heart
it's worrisome
some men don't think that way
they don't bother
I'm drown in my sorrows
and i know not to swim
i drink away all my thoughts
like a madman
the nights went into days and days turn into nights
in an abyss of my restless souls
of him, keeping in my mind
the sleepy boy, his fearless body
that ties me to him
how do i explain
what do i feel for him?
i carried him, in all these years
like an ache
There's a trouble in my heart
trouble in my mind
I find solace nowhere
i'm my own's foe
who should be feared
I wish i was immune
to myself, to my demons
to this great love
I feel
tell me, my friend
how do i beat this spirit in me?
I feel trouble in my heart..
and nights went into pure chaos
like a rhytm
i fell in it
like a profound agony.
462 · Dec 2016
confessions of letting go
Maahv Z Dec 2016
I have no ******* idea
why was i doing
of what i did
you can call it
whatever
in my heart
i know
this is darkness crawling into me
I hurt my morals
my values
and I freed myself
from pain,
bitterness
to an untying knot i had
I let it go
selfish friends
meaningless acquaintances
from the past, from gone memory
i erased them
they met only in their need
used, only while they wanted
to them
i look like a shining star
with intellect
i took them
as my heart, my attention
with all sincerity
it doesn't matter
because i can't begin to notice anything

it is not enough
its never enough
it will never be enough

to this moment
now and afterward
it matters nothing
as with a heavy heart
i moved on
460 · Nov 2014
long enough
Maahv Z Nov 2014
I tried to called the name,
with a name
which i didn't knew
but i wished to know it still, long enough ..

i said it loud and clear
in a place
of where i didn't remember
but i wished to feel it still, long enough..

i held it close, so hard
to be mine, in a night
which i knew was not mine
but i wished to sleep it still, long enough ..

i cried it bitterly and slow
in a dream
of what, i knew didn't longed
but i wished to hold it still, long enough ..

i lived it near, so close
to be with me, in a heart
which i knew didn't felt
but i wished to heal it still, long enough ..

i saw it more and more
in the drunkenness
of the feelings which i knew is broken
but i wished to drink it still, long enough ..

i loved it passionately, so ardent
to be loved
when i knew i hadn't even gone close to long enough
but i wished to be loved it still, long enough..
460 · Dec 2016
the journey
Maahv Z Dec 2016
I don't care much
would you mind
giving me your number
You look fab, tonight.
of which, I go
as I dance
in a midnight shadow
and this lurking image on me
the curse begin
of the pain, i felt
and the bitterness

i don't care much
disowning everything you ever knew
is of mighty courage
as i remove myself from all the subjects i ever read
subtracting to all the inheritances
of shallow practices and gaining attentions
with bleak sincerity

would you spend time with me
you are beautiful, lovely lady
these words, it doesn't reach to my ear
nor to my heart
I don't know why people fall in love
with a hollow shadow
or maybe they find solace
in not being noticed
in these naked nights
i sleep all my time
keeping myself too busy
to think much
as i don't care much
450 · Jan 2015
departing of once good
Maahv Z Jan 2015
come
and take this way
come let's bury our hearts
let's collectively build the memorial
of 'good one's'
who lost too soon
come and let's prepare a speech
we must know
what we speak to them
we must ensure we all did care very well
it's god's will
who can change the destiny
come and let's not speak to anyone
about our games
we must bury soon
before the wounds open up again
to catch us up
do not be afraid
nobody will get to know
the dead body won't come up rising
come
and take this way
let's bury our souls
collectively
we must mourn
to make others believe
we all took care of the matter very serious
it's only
we couldn't stop the happening
we must surrender
on god's will
let's bury
and forget it soon
446 · Jul 2015
if i tell you
Maahv Z Jul 2015
how i loved you
it will be like this
putting your heart into a box
hoping it transform with its force--like a real jewel box
the shy sweetness of your eyes---i have longed to forgo these glimpses
i craved you out of my miseries
i looked for you
in my hallucinations
i have desired you
even when i felt nothing else
in life after life
in moments to moments
yet nothing leads me to you
your ways are distracted
your mind is too dreadful
in my most innocent forms
and shapes
i have loved you
like a real spell
it's an old pain --like of an old age
being together or apart
you held me in most bewildered shapes
in your most captivating ideas
i had longed for your soul to wrap around mines
i had longed for your eyes to give its insight to mine
i had longed for your mind to speak through mine
in a most timeless manner
i executed everything
and have felt the most distressful pain in my swelled up heart
my body aches --my heart trembles
my sulking eyes do not shed any more tears
they are afraid of the loss that it feels
you emerge in me like a son to her mother
like a rainbow in rain -- i had loved you in my most worst times
in ways i cannot describe
all my words fall short
while reflecting how truly i feel
my mind goes numb
my soul rejects everything
and i stare on you
looking at your bewildered ways
of deceiving, of your ideas and of your norms
your tribes and your so-called values
they fail to reflect you of a character
of which, i hold the best

if i tell you of the ways
you will not be yourself anymore
you will fall trapped by the darkness that you left on me
at the heart of another, by eyes of another
you will lose the way out -- you will find no where
even if it gives everything; you still fall behind
you became an image
that my mind adored---my heart craved
both past and future
present and lost ---my heart has made love songs out of separations that it felt
the memories merging into one another, the love madness cherishing it like a mother
you are no more than bewitching idea
yet i can't keep myself away, from your thoughts
from your memories, from your heart
as if it knew nothing else--other than yours
in so many forms
i became formless
creating a charm of another mind--the daughters and sons of love
but if i tell you
clad in the dark spot of heart-- it no longer desire knowing you anymore
and i will let my heart spill out
in ways and ways-- of speaking its force
to be safe till it desires least of you in every bit of time!
431 · Sep 2018
you ..didn't want to hurt
Maahv Z Sep 2018
Oh I was, I am , will be if I don't say this to you
you were honest in telling me how you don't see us going anywhere
I got no time, to carry burden of heavy heart
I didn't see this coming; couldn't understand why
well ..honey, I didn't know that you felt nothing
I didn't think you didn't feel nothing
I didn't see this coming; you didn't think about me
explains all, no?
how messed up this heart- perhaps you could have figured my heart out
I didn't see this coming- I fell for you
by the cause, I wish I could undo it
your touch, and your smile..
oh no I don't want to carry your thoughts, in my head
my head is fuzzy
couldn't carry you anymore
I don't wanna see this anymore, I don't wanna carry this any longer
got distractions in my head - this a'int going anywhere
if you are not mine
forgive me, got to say this to you
I need to undo from my head, so to move on
its not my fault ..you see..
you said your honesty, I am giving you mine
got no heart to carry thoughts, that are not mine
got no mind to carry soul thats not mine
you may try kissing me again - you may try making love with me again
you will get what I mean
maybe you were right you didn't want to hurt
but oh honey- i am so thrilled and saddened by your flashbacks
how sweet, how bitter your touch
and I still think have i ever crossed your mind?
no you didn't..
oh honey, I didn't see it coming- and just like that I can't touch you
you said lets call if off - and I rang you back
oh honey, I listened and went away
but I aint got a heart to carry this on anymore ..
I waited, and waited- and I am still stuck in your thoughts
well you might believe
this wasn't just the **** - crawling up into me like craving of a soul
like burning of a fire..this wasn't just the pretend?
oh honey, you are gone..I wanna see this no more
your body, your eyes, your smiles..is what I keep thinking
I wanna carry you no longer..
with this line, I wanna undo you from my mind
426 · Jan 2015
fools
Maahv Z Jan 2015
shhh
they will listen
don't make noises
what will they think?
you cry
even in this spirit
they must not know
you are like a fool child
who cry each time
why do you have to be so problematic?
can't you just behave?
i must not hear a word any further
that's an order!

this is not your playground
where you could be whatever you want
go and sit in your room
i shouldn't see wondering around
nor should i hear anymore
complaints about you
neighbors have been complaining
of your ill-remarks, of your illogical presence
don't think i am absent to any of your activities
do you realize how ashamed am i to have you!
you should not bring bad to my name
or i cut your legs
and i must separate you
as you neither deserve respect nor credentials
you don't know how to respond
look at others!
How well they behave; have you seen them crying?
they perform so well
they all outrun and excel
look at you, your ***** manners
little grumpy fellow !
I must warn you
before you get more spoil
you will be denied to any outgoing activity
if i receive a complain from another source
you are gone
wipe your ******* eyes
and these crocodile tears
nobody will going to buy you for your tears!
Remember you scoundrel
in life
you have to be your own
realize it
before it gets too late
and i must again warn you
this is all fools tricks!
425 · Dec 2016
London diary
Maahv Z Dec 2016
Last night
I saw a boy
Standing, leaning back, gloomy and lost
As if he lost something precious
Something that was closest to his heart
Drunk and sunken eyes
With no identity
And I wondered, what's in his mind?
What's that keeps him distant
Distracted and aloof
To the world
Where everyone strives to be
He didn't look at me, nor did he speak to me
As I walked away
I felt his pale face, his sunken eyes and lost soul
I wondered of his belongings
Is he like me too?
A drifter, a nomad
As wherever I go, I carry this restlessness
And wherever I am, I no longer feel home
That boy, he reminded me of my own escape
My running away
From everyone,
to comfort people by being distant
He was lonely, despite being surrounded by people
And shy, trying to be present
When his soul was drifting elsewhere
As I walked away from him,
I still wondered what he did with his life?
As I write this, in a coach station
My mind ask a million questions
Am I doing worthwhile doing?
Last night, I felt my reality facing me
An escape, feeling many goodbyes
Numbing the pain,
Hoping not to feel it.
I wonder, does anyone feel same as I felt for that boy?
Despite that, like that of boy
I'm unable to see, or hear
But I still wonder
Am I doing anything worthwhile doing?
I hear nothing back in response.
418 · Jul 2015
beware
Maahv Z Jul 2015
beware of the word love
it will haunt you
like an addict parent
or a missing brother

put everything aside
and follow
what desires you the most
even if it tastes
like a sour madness

and beware of them
who follow love
and asks for love
in return
for deceiving
and uttering shallowness

take instructions
as they have no other way
other to juggle you
in worst form

loneliness is not crime
being lonely
with people who claim to love
is the worst of all

better be alone
spread your wings
and fly
like a free spirit

we are unlucky
only when we think
of our bad luck
but think
of all the beautiful things
like nature
and wind
birds
oceans
and children

they make me smile
even i no longer want
we are all adolescent
living in a trapped minds

beware if somebody says
you are beautiful
your face doesn't define the nature of your beauty
it is for who you are
with your flaws
and with your rawness
imperfections

let everything fall apart
if it wants
and be what you want to be

follow your dreams
and fly as if you know nothing else
403 · Nov 2014
endless remorse
Maahv Z Nov 2014
t's a tragedy of life
that we think
whatever we like
regardless of how it is- in truth
the screams of our agonies
set us apart
from life and living
and we must know- we know nothing
we learn no secrets from earth
nor we make anything out of rivers, and oceans
we continue to be in our dark shells
where neither hope resides nor love
it's this inability of us- not loving
that makes our lives so hollow
i am disgusted to think
there's no equality, no compassion
in our hearts, nor in our minds
too much could have been done
and achieved- if only we knew
and realized
these words; i believe are the most powerful asset
i'll use it to depict the reality of the world
carrying the notes of hope, beauty and love
these are the most beautiful things happen to our restless hearts and souls
and the agitated wondering human mind
foresaking people for ones own pleasure
this world is getting crazy to craziest
and i know- this is the beginning of all the end- to be followed
life's still around, each day some dying
and some coming to this world of grief and torture
i wonder of mankind's ability to disobey
and rebel, how it overlook the essence of human existence
of one's own value and worth
i care to hold my mouth shut
yet my words come upfront
through the might of my passions
in sittings, in walking, in midnights, in mornings
not knowing how it pierces my world of peace
i, like many others destroy my own destiny with my foolishness
and regret afterwards
there's no room for regrets still
when there's ample space for dreams, for hopes
to all the lovers and dreamers
and i am aware of the setting of my heart's endless gloom
fiercely ablaze storms- meeting its dust of deceased
as it should and must
as i'm a dreamer, a soul set to fly soon
of a heart known only for love; and giving
even it hurts every inch of soul living and the bones composing the shape of my body
I, out of my sheer gratitude give out the submission to the nature
since i know not how to bow down
to people, even if loved
I remained unknown and fearless to their remarks
despite they are my heart's best lyric
all the piles of dust been thrown at me
to destroy the character, to belittle my passion
for which i care nothing, only a remorse
of deep sorry state that i feel
these words will always lack of what heart truly feel
in times of utter humiliation!
396 · Jul 2017
weak heart
Maahv Z Jul 2017
To a man, who suffered endless trauma to feed his sons needs
And exhausted his youth, to make his child --a better person
He spent most of his life alone
living in a shell of those box rooms--the smell of it dwells in his flesh; he goes there only to rest
often he wonder alone, he has forgotten those old lanes of love
it smells like a bygone dream
he only love in his imagination now, but bitter
reality keeps him in check
and his escape is only in his mind
he has seen all, felt all; and perhaps too much
even when he wants; he continues to be
letting the deep wave of life drown his presence
to swallow his mind, and brutality of life overcome him

And to that woman, who bears this separation and the dream of harmony
in her wild, warm breath
she quietly gives in her dream, to her social and emotional desires
compromising on her own happiness---to have her daughters happiness
her world revolves her little one, telling her stories of joys and the wonders of world out there
to protect her, from all the agony of life..

while i write this in my journal
i feel this strange ache in me, running like a cold yet shivering wave gushing
suffocating within its four chamber, time again and again
had made me realize, that just sometimes
'nothing is enough'
it crackles within, to embrace all this within, and this little heart
has gave up on me
in this journey of dreaming, capturing the wonders of the world
made my heart a little more weak..

and just now, when i write all this
i think of everyone, who once i had and lost
and to everyone, who i shared countless memories with
but what all those memories are for
even all this--i know, made and reshape me into a better person
within this better person, beats a little heart
that has gone weak.
391 · Sep 2018
trying
Maahv Z Sep 2018
I am sick of trying
why could you not love me back?
why could not love me at all?
Said, tomorrow will be brighter day-
what hath stop us?
And now, you wouldn't even want to see me?
I am sick of trying
of these little games- of our love whispering
oh darling, I told myself- it'll be all fine.
I'd broke my heart, why did I imagine you to be my own?
why did I think that you could hold me, a little- if not for too long?
turns out- it was not you; just you never felt
besides, you are going away
but will you think of me, at all?
in some of your nights, or in some of your casual moments?
I suggested; an alternative- but this didn't suit you either.
while I wanted to ask- why couldn't you love me, a little?
says a little voice to me - that I can't -- since, it's all vanished.
looks like, it never happened- nothing ever really mattered.
while I write this, with your image in my head
my mind asks me million questions; why did I fell for you?
to myself- I am like a prisoner; of my behaviour- not loving those who love me dearly; falling for those who can't love me back?
have I not been loved enough?
oh darling- this is a nutshell of my heart
so wild, so carefree - it fell for you, unknowingly- and here I am;
writing; with bitterness and meloncholy- so sick of trying, and losing.
388 · Aug 2017
you
Maahv Z Aug 2017
you
Tear me apart
I would still hold you
deafen my ears,
i would still listen to your silences
mute my words
I would still utter you
through my longings, my never-ending yearnings
even without a feel, i would feel you
with my heart, with my soul
I cry your tears, your screams
the rashes in your heart
strangle my soul, and my brain on fire
and your soul, leaving me cold
without an emotion, without a hand
I wish you could have seen !

-2011
388 · Jul 2017
Home
Maahv Z Jul 2017
It always has me hooked; writing. The sentences, or concatenation of words. This sentence, writing about home; in a black canvas; but i don't feel anything. A doubt sets in. The terrible silence of blank paper, judging the every line i write here; makes me intimidated of its existence. I can see in my mind, i want justification of everything. A perpetual quest, i felt; since i discovered in me. From childhood. It's like there, existing within my existence. I was more used to writing, words; before--now, it's like changing phases; staying with nature--wish i had more time. Or I had more of life, in me---or wish i had the meaning of home;  a search for meaning. Those meanings that i lost, in my own meaningless. Every word betrays my existence.
Home is the silence; like a graveyard of memories--that never existed. Or a perfect illusion. In my mind, i created the delusion of perfect harmony; of home--a dear home. It never existed, or maybe it will exist in these white, horrifying silence of blank paper. In a dismal of time and space. This blank paper, or jumbled up words; is a testimony of home. All the fleeting answers, or the questions i had; are lost. In empty, broken mirror of home. Piercing thunder of these words, dark words--in a hope to feel meaning of home.
388 · May 2015
the lost face!
Maahv Z May 2015
why do we love
why do we care
does that really mean anything
time never halts
nor the movements
yet we stop ourselves
from life
and of nature
do we really mean when we leave?
how do we love so much
that even after years, it never fade away
yet we hold onto our dreams
and our bitter realities
little do we speak of our dark souls
those sour memories
and our forgotten faces
we move on
with bits and pieces
do we really move on without any care?
and think; we cease to care
even when all we did is to hold and cry
for our love!
do we really mean anything?
yet we all read; and we all become writers
in our lost of our love
and sadness!
386 · Mar 2015
Untitled
Maahv Z Mar 2015
I carelessly look into time
without any quarrel
knowing how irrelevant everything seem
possessing little power
or almost very meager
its forbidden to feel
but the temptation is divine
we are birds
that needs to fly
magnitude of life takes us all
i carelessly examine my body
with thick sheets of disappointments
yet i hold onto my nerves
trying not to fail again
entrance is too thick
and my longings are too big
return with time
i long to be sought
but there is too less time to feel
it is forbidden
to cry your heart out
375 · Dec 2014
celebrated heart
Maahv Z Dec 2014
such alone-some time
i feel
in my heart
my heart is like a machine
that never ceased
my eyes shut
sleep is shattered
the midnight dream
this little whim
all a messy thing

II
I hated people spoke
words are not the medium
but a reflection
shrunk heart's;
memorial of harshness
nothing persists
but some madman's roar
they cared only what they had
i am unaware of my state
in good humor
my heart listens to the world's lost glory

III
that blue sky, a dreamer's passion
flower like of red, pale, purple
such soft and beauty
thorns with them- and they die too
sobs my little heart within me
my mouth is quite
i am of depth; like of an ocean's
might and profoundness
such passions !
I despise them all
pale face; dim lips- grey eyes
colorless theme all around
my life like a motion picture
without of ******, or an end
Of its beginning i couldn't recall
recalling has been too ******* my mind
despite still, i could still spot them
one by one
and could believe it never came through me

IV
Counting and calculation are not my natural traits
i still am nature's most gifted soul
i blink, and i start crying
without tears, without care
i am diminishing little by little
tree holds too many leaves; those leaves reminds me of my rejections
reminiscent of my worn-out love
all your beauty, all your wits, all your profound speeches
i wish to believe them to be true
truth adores me, truth comes to me
like a weary emotion
whatever i write, i couldn't bother to read again
such tiredness in me
i don't plan any written stuff, or care about any stanza's; or any grammar
pain don't know language- its a hearts lost freedom
where our souls are its captive
since long
my idle state- my idealism, and my dreamy world- i long to be in there
reality is too big enough for me to take
i am solo in my ride

V
freeze, frozen- cold statue
a little gift you all brought while you appeared
with you, took away my pieces of sacred heart
claiming to having had felt
these little pangs, sore aches within ones soul
i bother not to confess that i am of another land
this world- i never enjoyed !
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