I need help finding myself;
The girl I used to be.

She was fearless. She was confident. She was not afraid of the storm.
Because she was the storm.

She is lost somewhere in who I am now.
I swallowed a map so she could find her way back.

Please sit close and still…
                                               Hold me
I long for your shadow…
                                               Cover me
You are... Or were.. my rock…
                                               Secure me
Be sound and firm…
                                               Guide me
The rise and fall of your appearance…
                                               Elevate me
Casts a storm of destruction…
                                               **** me
Do not drive astray... do not…
                                               Leave me
Do not split away... do not…
                                               Break me
Go. For when I look in the mirror…
                                               Disguise me
Your face…
                                               Remind me
Is reflected in my own...

when i say something, do you beam?
do you think about how my brain is so complex?
how thoughts are shooting everywhere? how they are zig-zagging their way from my brain to my heart to my mouth?

do you?
do you look at me in wonder?
do you ever wish to see inside my head? to swim in my thoughts with me?to swim in me?
do you ever just love the words that come from my lips? do you wish you could sit there all night and listen to me speak?
even if it was about something or absolutely nothing at all...

would you?
would you watch my mouth move, and close your eyes so you could focus on
every. single. word.
commmmmming out of my mouth?  

how?
how would you look at me? with passion? lust?
the thought of the thought that im thinking.
now that's a thought that i think you do not always think about.

so when?
when will you get tired? never?
because the moment that i stop.
the moment the waterfall of words stops flowing from my mouth creating a lake…river…ocean for your ears, is the moment you should be scared.

silence.

there is no thunderstorm, no lightning, no wind, nothing. silence.

are you scared?
you should be.
the words that do not come out are like a tornado, tsunami, earthquake.
natural disasters of the world all brewing inside the natural disaster that is me.
the kind that is on the news, the one that storm chasers seek the thrill of because if they were too close, they would be done for.
so be thankful that you witness the passionate fire of the inferno inside me.

I wish I could go back
Back when you loved me too
I wish you did what you did
When we were brand new

I wish I got those messages
Messages that were so sweet
I wish they woke me up
With love that was not discreete

I wish there weren't tears
Tears that make me weak
I wish you'd speak words of comfort
I look for them and seek

I wish I wasn't lost
Lost from what we were
I wish that you would realize
That everything is now a blur