I've been so curious as to what I am.
What I am to other people.
What I mean to other people.
And I have found out what it is.
I am nothing.
I am the unwanted friend and son.
I am the mistake made at a party.
I am the regret you feel when you realized you could've done better.
I am the thing people don't want.

Why am I this way.
Why am I thrown away after I give everybody my all.
Why am I getting hurt.
For doing my best.

I'm sorry.
If I went away you wouldn't notice.
You wouldn't feel or see the difference.
But as soon as I say this.
I exist again.
I "matter".
It's just because you don't want to have to deal with death.
Deal with putting up the front of sadness.
I know I wouldn't be missed.
But that doesn't matter.
Because I don't matter.

1 teaspoon of fear
1 pint of hope
A dash of bitterness
2 cups of shame
12 ounces of insecurity
3 unspoken words

A simple recipe
Creating this awkward situation
Between the two of us

Maybe I'm Just
A Little Afraid
That Whenever
Someone Gets
A Little Closer
To Me,
They Always Have
To Leave Me
And Find Someone
Better,
Always.

Is This How
Its Going To Be?

A part of you goes away ,
Everyday,
To never come back again.
And what is left in you,
Are the scars of yesterday.
The promises, the kisses,
The love you once felt,
The nights, the stars,
The life you once wanted,
The touches, the smells,
The laughs, the tears,
It all goes away,
Everyday.
And what is left in you,
Are the scars of yesterday.

Do I believe there is love?
Of course
Yet it is hard to say that I have experienced such a thing
And in that it is just as hard to try and justify to anyone that there is, in fact, love

I do not know what is sadder: That I have not experienced love or the way I am responsive to it

I know who I am supposed to love
But it is no love that I can tell

But this is the truth:
I know of hate
Hatred I believe in
Hatred I am all too familiar with

I suppose I could be so enveloped in my own self-hatred
Comparing all other things to me that I love almost anything and anyone

So from my conclusions I extract this:
Because I participate in the deepest and most strewn out of hate
I know that it exists
Therefore, love, comparative to my involvement in hate, can only lead me to an assumption:

If hatred exists, then so must love