My mind boggled and my fingers trembled, my heart stopped and lips went numb when I said "I love you"
It baffles me how a trillion feelings are all compacted into 3 simple words
How all I can do is smile when he laughs so hard, a vein pops out of his temple
How he turns all my devils and flames into angels and clouds
When he touches me, I get cold and a million butterflies fly all over me
and all he makes me think is "What if this is meant to be?"
How do a trillion feelings fit into an 8 letter phrase, but more so a 4 letter word?
because this tiny but mighty force is strong like a sword, harmful but graceful, depending on the hand that wields it.
I guess this is how
L is for a 90-degree angle, which means it must be right when you say it
O is because if it's meant to be, it will always find a way, no matter how many twists and turns
V is because, depending on which way you flip it, it can be greater than (>) or less than (<) any other force in the world
and E, because love is endless. When it's real, at least.
So, suddenly, all my risk had fallen into a great abyss and all that was left was the joy that left me without words when he held me in his arms, smiled at me, and whispered

"I love you too."

There are 7 wonders in the world
but I only have 6.
Who? What? When? Where? How? Why?
Who took our generation downhill?
What happened to the will and grace of the human race?
Suddenly, no one cares about ****** anymore.
No one is surprised to hear a woman drowned her own son
like crime is as normal is the sun rising in the east
and the least we can do is pay a little more attention to the news and not the tweets
but, I guess that's just become a snooze button to us
Like the evil deeds, groups are causing is less important than a dress
or how a celebrity saves her family from the lips of the ocean, but all anyone cares about is her "Nip slip" through the process
How did the world get like this?
How is it that there's more fruit in shampoo than a poor man's place?
Why does everyone want a clean slate when no one has an eraser?
Yes, maybe you want to erase her or him
but you can't because they're on twitter
suddenly, it's bitter-sweet
and all you worry about is having them sub-tweet you..
Plus, how about the troops?
We think we wear combat boots because it's cute
and "being there for your best friends" and "Lending a hand"
but THEY are the ones lending us a hand
and being without their homes so we have ours
but no. Kardashians and Jenners are more important..
when did the world get like this?
I wonder.

I've escaped cupid's clutches many times
I locked my heart away each time he came to say "Here you go"
He shoots his arrows at me, and I block them away
Except for a couple days ago..
My wall had fallen and my heart was broken
"Here you go"
Though I was upset about this, my heart suddenly restitched and I've fallen in love again
Now I feel like I've been sentenced to death
Each moment spent that I can't look into those big, beady eyes of his, I'd rather be dead
I'm just scared to get broken again
But, ****, his smile brings all of butterfly world into my stomach
And I can't stomach the fact that I'm plummeting into my own mind's demise
"He'll hurt you like the others" My brain claims
Yet, my heart says otherwise.
I've avoided cupid many times
However, I know I can't evade my fate
So, in this state of mind,
I'm fully bonded by this Boa constrictor of hopes and doubts
Or maybe I'm just overthinking
Maybe I should just listen to cupid for once

I learned a lot about you today
and, let's just say, I feel pretty bad
not because of the things you did, I'm sad because I had no clue.
Sitting like I used to, with my Kellies, Barbies, and Kens
I paid no mind to how awful you used to dress,
how your blowout was always a mess,
or how you left our family stressed to clean up your mistakes
Yes, I had my fake and imaginary friends but you're 9 years older than me and had them too
I just wish I could've helped you through that time
the time when jail cells closed you in and trapped the smoke inside your lungs
like how every morning, I wash my face, teeth, and tongue
you would watch your back as you packed your bae, Mary Jane into your bag and hoped not to get caught.
And my 7-year-old thoughts couldn't have done anything to help
but, a couple years later, you gave up the kelp that lit YOU and smoked YOU until you were gone
But here you are, making songs and listening to the poems I write
and may I be right to say that I'm not 7 and you're not 17 anymore
the door of your false happiness has shut
but you're my brother and I love you
I just wish I could've been there for you sooner.

Because, not to be cocky, but I was the light in your life
sure, I was a bit messed up
but I wasn't the one holding the knife
you know, the knife you used to stab me in the back
now, I'm paralyzed.
I can't walk up to the thought of trusting someone the way I trusted you
So, look exactly what you made me do
now I'm worse, all thanks to you
I thought you loved me
but you can't let me be
now you torture  me
and why would this be happening?
because I said those words
the words that shot the relationship that once soared
and what did I say?
I said I love you
and I said it once more

It's 7am
and it's a Friday
The only reason I'm not sleeping like a baby is
well, because I had a nightmare,
about, guess who? You.
I received a text from a friend
and another chime again
I unlock my phone to see a picture
while she was there, reading little scriptures, you were just watching her
staring at her
you know, the way you used to look at me.
Conducting my morning routine with nothing but you in my head
I may still think about you as I lay awake in bed
But the second I'm up, the trauma goes away
but why not today?
I know I can never bring myself to love you again or revive what we had
it's been too long and we are gone from each other's lives
Those times has vanished and the chapter of "us" is finished
I can only wish you luck
That you get a new girl to text"Goodnight, baby" at night
And I wish that she might just be better for you than I was
This is the final buzz of you I'll have in my mind, hearing, smelling, and sight.
Goodnight.

Earth, water, wind, and fire
no matter how hard the Earth shakes
no matter if the air blows too strong to take it in
no matter how high the water will rise
or how fierce the fire burns
I will always love you
Let earth try to shake us and swallow us up
yup, I know this sounds cheesy and lame
but I refuse to burn in the flame of regrets and chances I didn't take
I wouldn't let the Tsunami of overthinking make me into something small
I may be weak, I can be strong, but my breeze helps the birds fly
and, hopefully, push clouds away to exploit the beautiful stars in the dark sky
Earth, water, and fire come together to form the dire obstacles in our world
However, I am the invisible force, sharp as a blade, but softer than anything
I am the air.

It must be a thrill until you realize that poison kills
i might as well have just swallowed a million pills
there must have been a feeling spill inside me
i couldn't see your danger because you were so hypnotic,
but it took me too long to realize that you're hemotoxic
its as if you sent off an atomic bomb in my body, my eyesight went foggy
my heart began to race
as the venom paced through my veins
i felt faint and began to slip away
my skies went from blue to grey
the simple glow of the sun's rays became darker instead of brighter
I'm not a snake charmer
I'm just a writer calling upon a desire, but that lured in a spider, which brought in a viper.
your venom is a lake of oxytocin
and I'm here dozin' off with words about how much i love you
but all you wanted was a sight of my heart, so you can take a bite, and ruin me for life.
i had fallen in love with something that was trying to **** me,
like a fly falling in love with a cloth whirling at it because of the gusts of winds it brings to its wings
we should have been happy, like birds that were free to sing
but my chirp was barely even a hoot
as if its vocal chords were ripped out and gone mute
you're no frog that can turn into a prince
i just had to step back and convince myself that no matter how hard i fall, you're still a venomous snake after all.

Put the gun down
wipe the frown off your face
I know you've had your taste of bad luck
and you just want to be tucked into the bed of peace
I know you want the pain to cease from the heavy rains falling down on you from head to toe
but, without these, how do you expect to see a rainbow?
A bad moment doesn't make it a day, a day a month, a month a year, a year. a life..
Now I know you're thinking of putting that knife on your skin but all you're doing is committing a sin
you need to understand, God knows you can handle this battle
I know you're an angel who wants to return to the clouds
but, no matter how loud you plead, it isn't your time to leave
so, don't leave the ones that love you.
Just put the gun down

"You'll find someone better"
I'm positive that every letter of that saying is correct
But, when can you detect that you have reached the best
Because of that, I hate this phrase
I hate it more than the people that cast me away
and the fact that all they can say is "You'll find someone better"
But what if they're the one you're supposed to be with forever?
What do you do when you have reached the best?
How about when that special guest checks out of the hotel heart-in-my-chest?
But, don't worry, I'll find someone better
Someone that will give me their only sweater in the blistering cold
Bold enough to not be ashamed of me
that sees past my imperfections
consistent enough to fill the sections in the story of my life
to treat me right without giving it a price
but what about when that person flees like the red leaves of fall?
What if that person never comes back?
"You'll find someone better"

You'll realize what you lost
at midnight, when you're tossed and turned
staring down at your regrets
the Tourette's of memories bursting in your head
the torture of what could've been will leave you dead, just like you did to her
your tears will flow like sap from a tree
your glee will be ripped away
and may this pain last today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life
because you lost the love of your life to your immaturity
And let this become your biggest insecurity
because the way you treated her, don't be upset when your friends prefer her instead of you
yes, that conversation was long overdue
but it didn't have to end like that
because your heart was the one that ended up splat on the ground
so may your heartache pound on the thoughts that your girl is gone
your happy ending was put up for pawn
and was sold to a man who will treat her better than you ever could
love her more than you ever would
and you'll sit there pondering,
squandering for a glimpse of hope
but you gave her up on the wrong terms
so may each midnight be spent haunting you
with the thoughts of what could've been
sweet dreams to you

She held herself high
that was until she was dragged into an all time low
she hoped to have run away from all the lies
until she noticed she was telling them left and right
staying out late at night hoping a light would light up her dull life
Everyone in town knew she was a bright girl
but no one knew the downward swirls she has when she's alone
or the thoughts she has that are nothing like the smooth jazz her parents expect
she's different
she feels like a mistake, a misprint
no one knows she feels like this
with her pretty face and good looks
she wishes it would stop and doesn't know how long it will last
maybe she just got fooled by her own mask.

I have trust issues.
not because I mistook a raisin for a chocolate chip,
but I mistook you as a person who wouldn't hurt me.
Who wouldn't let me be tortured under the world's pressures
You knew I was treasure but locked me away in your cheap jewelry box
So, when I was freed of a year's slavery,
I built my wall
Much taller and stronger than before,
just to hope  it'd scare away monsters like you from my door.
Until one learned how to climb.
In time, I let his angel face distract me from his devil's soul
But the guards of my heart blocked him out before I paid another toll.
My wall was built and rebuilt a million times
I installed the blinds and laid alone.
Until a price charming climbed along
or does he belong to those monsters?
My heart says no
but my trust issues say yes
what if he can actually break the spell placed on me?

The wind blows my paper away
just like you used to ******* away
Each day, I used to look forward to seeing you
Looking like you do, with eyes that twinkle the night sky of my life
Every night spent trying to decipher how your perfection came to be
That was until I fell asleep and woke up again to see
see that you were just an illusion
The fusion of our personalities created a chemical reaction
And, so fiercely, worse than a James Bond movie
But the difference is, this isn't a movie
This was the heart underneath my tee-shirt
How it was hurt and kicked in the dirt
and you just pretended you were fine
Even though you cry yourself to sleep at night, thinking of me, and what could've been the start of something great
When you wake up, you act as though you don't have a heart,
and you don't.
because it blew up into pieces along with mine
Yet, all we do is ignore each other and tell our friends "I'm Fine"
And one day, I'll be out dining with the family you didn't have with me
Seeing you across the many tables,
I'll raise my glass and nod my head
You'll do the same
Although I said nothing to you, both of us knew
and, slowly, I felt my heart grow back in my chest