and now we’re standing in a dark room full

of colors and we left our morals in the bowl

with our only means of leaving. we started 

singing lyrics to songs we didn’t know,

but we got lost in the beat so nothing

else really mattered; we became our own beat

and you couldn’t help but smile at my

mistakes because i laughed at yours.

and when you leave, you couldn’t help

but care for my safety and i couldn’t 

even make you smile but mine was sufficient

enough. i can give you heaven, darling.

and it’s just so hard to think when my brain

is full of making pictures about how the sky

would look in your eyes

and how the ocean smells

on your breathe and how the sun looks 

when it alters your hair. tell me

when it’s appropriate that i hold your skin

without wandering wallowing away with

nowhere to head but the top of mine.

play with my words and pick out each syllable

you hate and throw it in the ocean, i need to

hear the waves speak to me at least once.

hold on to my memories because

i want your dna on them, i want to know what it

feels like to intertwine you within my brain.

When you feel sunshine in your mind or rain in your bones
When you feel hatred in your bloodstream or love stab your heart
I will be there to assure you that it's real
and okay
and good or bad it'll pass
So either hang on tight or let it go
Ride the wave to the other side and if you crash
I will be the hand that pulls you out,
the sand is dry just a few feet away
and I will lead you back to solid ground

oh, i don't want to be everything
i just want to be (your) something

We walk around blocks

We walk around corners

We walk around and around
and I don't think we'll ever stop

Because if I were to pause for just one second

I might fall apart

and you'd see the pieces sliding off my face
fingertips falling away to bone
my muscles frantically screaming, trying to move
but the deed would be done and I'd just be your mess on this stranger's sidewalk.
the face you watched grow in your likeness now unrecognizable
the mess left behind after New Year's Eve
the minute after midnight when everyone is still too busy cheering to notice
but you'll see it
because you raised me and now I'm falling
and you can't save me
you can't save me anymore.
And you won't even want to try.

I am your baby girl, not a disgrace
not a failure that you can't even claim as your own
Mommy, can I come home?
Curl up in your chest next to the family I've gotten to know so well,
made a home in your rib cage that I can't ever quite leave.
are you even aching now that I'm gone or was my space that easy to fill?
because I'm sitting here broken and empty and her arms are around me
and it's a sad excuse for a hug but it's all I have
because you left me out
you cut me off
and it's cold out here.
Mommy, can I come home?

I'd rather stink like a cigarette
than smell your skin lingering on mine.
I prefer the nicotine rush
to the surge in my blood when your lips touch mine.
I'd rather hear the click of my lighter
than the hiss and explosion of the Fourth of July
An ashen glow of smokey tobacco lights my way
And I'd rather put trust in this fading fire than
put my trust in the pounding of my chest
and the sparklers in my eyes
Because there's always one more pack
at yet another corner store
But, my love,
there's only one of you
and you're fading so fast
And without my addiction, how can I last?

1:38pm:
this wasn’t meant to come off as “take me
back” but a customer looks just like you.
1:47pm:
she said “thank you” when i poured her water
and her lips creased the same way
yours did when you smile.
1:48pm:
she looked to her right at table 32, i remember when i brought you
here that evening and we shared an apple **** over
conversations with people i’ve never introduced to my friends.
1:56pm:
maybe 32 wasn’t our lucky number but her smile had that
amount of stars, and i thought about the fact your
stars are still burning
2:03pm:
she smells just like you, i don’t want anyone
else to take away her plate.
2:04pm:
she dropped her fork and i think i fell in love.
2:12pm:
she eats her dessert the same way you told me
“i love you.”
2:12pm:
she’s not eating anything.