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Kyla May 21
How do I end?
The visceral shudder
The urge
Replaying the car crunching
Letting go of the wheel
Lying in a stream letting the water wash by
Tracing the veins in my arm with a scalpel
Red spilling out
Cleaning
Purging
Arms out, in a cross
But this one selfish
The depression runs deep
Death, the cure
Kyla May 21
They both stopped my tears from running
Smiled fondly as they caught them in their tracks
Unable to stem the flow
Unwilling to let them fall
But my cause, you cannot be the cure
but you look so beautiful when you cry
Kyla May 20
no revenge
only a copy of the poems i wrote of my side of our story
and a bag of the food i’d bought for you
and my perfume on your hoodie, that i was wearing when you ended it
and a sense of loss that lingers
because you never asked to read anything i wrote /the hoodie she wore first /and the last, i hope?
Kyla Apr 23
"hi there,
I'm here to confirm your death
this is your last chance- speak now or forever hold your peace!"
(writes ‘patient lying in bed with eyes closed. no signs of life. identity confirmed.')

"i'm just going to perform a few tests
can you hear me? (she shakes them, inflicts one final pain)
does this hurt?"
(writes 'no response to verbal cues or supraorbital pressure')

"i'm just going to have a listen in to your chest"
their heart is finally still
not broken, or aching
lungs empty,
forever breathless
(writes 'no heart or lung sounds on auscultation, no carotid pulse on palpation')

“i’m just going to shine a wee light into your eye)
she pries open their lids and looks for life,
finds the same every time
empty tunnels gazing above
eyes wide open, taking in what comes next
what horror? what wonder?
(writes 'pupils fixed and dilated')

“that’s us all done now, they’ll take you down to the morgue”
uttered to a body waxy and fixed
often warm
hands held by so many
now forevermore empty
('death verified at/on')

and then-

she strokes their hair, the way their mother did as they were laid in her arms
gently closes their eyes
traces a cross on their foreheads
tucks them into their deathbeds
leaves them to sleep

God, have mercy, on this your child
God, be kind
I hope you are at peace
Be at peace
credits to geeky medics
Kyla Apr 23
sad small baby with an easter egg and a surgeon who didn’t know her ***
sad helpless parents leaving her to get her chest cracked open
as theirs did the same
sad sad stories and tiny hearts and mine indifferent and cold
Kyla Apr 23
we’re going to be okay
aren’t we
three messes broken by the same people
two hearts shattered
all mentally ill
it’s in the family !
One erratic and spilling everything and everywhere
pun intended
one grounded and lonely on the ground
broken by a girl too toxic to have
the other both erratic and messy and lonely
loneliest
Kyla Apr 23
i want to take away their pain
cure it with a hug
make them realise
they deserve more than what they settle for
that they’d saved my life
but is that worth anything
and i would absorb their hurt
radiate my happy and bleed me cold
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