"hi there,
I'm here to confirm your death
this is your last chance- speak now or forever hold your peace!"
----patient lying in bed with eyes closed. no signs of life. identity confirmed.'

"i'm just going to perform a few tests
can you hear me? (she shakes them, inflicts one final pain)
does this hurt?"
------'no response to verbal cues or supraorbital pressure'

"i'm just going to have a listen in to your chest"
their heart is finally still
not broken, or aching
breathless
-----'no heart or lung sounds on auscultation, no carotid pulse on palpation'

she pries open their lids and shines a light
eyes wide open, taking in what comes next
what horror? what wonder?
-----'pupils fixed and dilated'

body waxy and fixed
often warm
hands held by so many
now forevermore empty
-----'death verified at/on'

and then-

she strokes their hair, the way their mother did as they were laid in her arms
gently closes their eyes
traces a cross on their foreheads
tucks them into their deathbeds
leaves them to sleep

God, have mercy, on this your child
for you know the life they lived,
you made and dreamed of them
be with those they left

God, be kind
I hope you are at peace
Be at peace

sad small baby with an easter egg and a surgeon who didn’t know her ***
sad helpless parents leaving her to get her chest cracked open
as theirs did the same
sad sad stories and tiny hearts and mine indifferent and cold

we’re going to be okay
aren’t we
three messes broken by the same people
two hearts shattered
all mentally ill
it’s in the family !
One erratic and spilling everything and everywhere
pun intended
one grounded and lonely on the ground
broken by a girl too toxic to have
the other both erratic and messy and lonely
loneliest

i want to take away their pain
cure it with a hug
make them realise
they deserve more than what they settle for
that they’d saved my life
but is that worth anything
and i would absorb their hurt
radiate my happy and bleed me cold

i hate the way my thighs rub together
and the way i feel when people leave
and the rub in my soul
with no reprieve

can they see the ghosts in the gaps between each blink
in the space in which they’ve claimed their own ?

do you like me (yes)
do you want to be talking to me (not anymore)
is it too much (yes)
am i too much (yes)
am i enough (no)
where is this going (to end)
what do you want (he doesn’t know, except not me)
will you hurt me (yes)
is there someone else (there will be)
do you like me (he did)
do you want me (not enough, not anymore)