it's not as neat as you'd hoped it would be
not as clinical

when you left the hospital, they'd told you that it would be difficult

you hadn't believed them

but now, as you stand under the harsh spray of the shower
under water that's been cold for an hour now
you believe them

you'd felt like you'd been choking
air thick with steam and
some form of unhappiness that just won't go away
so you were choking
but you wouldn't leave
eyes shut tight against what you hoped wasn't there
leaning against the white tiles lining the wall
barely breathing
but now
as the ice-cold water hits your face and chest
you're not breathing at all

it's too painful, you'd told them
but they hadn't listened

the crushing weight of this anxiety
that you can't get rid of
keeps you from turning off the shower and stepping out

it ends with you shivering against the floor
rigid from the cold
but at least you can't think anymore
at least you can't think

Is this the truth?
Is this you?
Or are you trying to fit in?
All the fakes
Make me break
And lose my mind

Public misery
Expressed silently
Is this an honest plea
or desperation for sympathy
Public misery
Instead of therapy
It makes me see
We're all suffering

You're not this way
You used to say
That it would never be you
Now you're on one track
Its all an act
The truth holds you back

Public misery
Expressed silently
Is this an honest plea
or desperation for sympathy
Public misery
Instead of therapy
It makes me see
We're all suffering

Your complaints
With no restraints
Make me question your motives
Try
To realize
There's reality behind the lies

Public misery
Expressed silently
Is this an honest plea
or desperation for sympathy
Public misery
Instead of therapy
It makes me see
We're all suffering

rest-less,
my erudition was insufficient solution
to soul my worries into a somnolent condition

"Put you head and tresses
on my hairy chest,
listen to the rising crescendos
of a symphony of this man's
labored heart,
heaving and breathing!"

did what was asked,
nary a whimper or a sound-at-all,
and thus, I found myself
overslept and late for work

now, the inhibition
(never wake a sleeping woman)
is in sedition,
and the Times reports,
the end of Prohibition,
so when I can't sleep,
I'll wake her sleeping head
to put upon
my chest and
soul to keep

so informed, she stated and I quote:

"Anything I can do to keep you,
happy and poetry-free
from midnight till the **** crows
and slumber trumps the restless words
that will wait till morning born,
and the kingdom of poetry, awoken,
comes alive"

There is nothing
harder on the heart
than the choice between
holding on
and moving on

I still love you
but I adore him, too

What to do...
Oh, what to do?

*What should I do?

my sunshine faded to shade.

my stars fell into their graves.

my moonlight grew dimmer, craving more.

my planets stopped revolving.

my entire sky fell to pieces before my eyes.


e.a. & m.g.

I miss the way
You said my name
I miss they way
You'd comfort me

I miss the way
You'd brush my hair
I miss the way
You'd protect me

I miss the way
You used to be
I miss having
My Father