don't ask him to save you.
he doesn't really want to.
he finds you emotionally overwhelming,
actually
and your castle of buried sorrows is so beyond him right now
it's not even funny.
he's got enough problems of his own.

besides, you never really believed that you needed to be saved
anyway.

you and your moodswings
swing dancing, swinging me to the ground,
swing swing swinging

you and your moodswings
make me drink myself to sleep

I think of you on airplane flights.
Head in the clouds
Dreaming of home,
The dizziness of touching the sky has gotten to me,
I swear
There was never much air up here anyways.

If i told you i needed help
would you listen?
Or would your silence
Echo off the walls.
See my life is like a car,
Sometimes moving fast
And other times so **** slow.
If i told you i feel hurt inside
would you not just hear
but listen
to what i said
I need someone to care.
Im tired of trying to fight alone.
Im tired of trying to survive at a table for one.
If i told you
I cry all over my body
And each tear is a knife
And they are leaving scars on my flesh,
Would you cut me a bandage,
Sop up my blood,
Or leave me to bleed out.
If i told you
I was alone and my demons are taunting me
would you get me out
Or would you keep walking
or keep scrolling...
Im not begging for attention,
But one cannot be expected to be alone and silent like a life long detention.
If i told you
I was ready to confess everything
Come clean from my secrets,
Strip myself naked so you could see my imperfections
would you care even the slightest bit
Or are you so selfish
And so ignorant
To walk on
And leave this person to die.
If i told you i was ready to die
would you blame it in cliche,
Or believe it and save me from damnation
Its time to think.
It could be up to you
This isnt just my world,
Its yours, too
and dont you want to be
somebody
To someone?
I need you.
Because all of these "if i told you's
Are becoming
**im telling you

And so I've learned to swallow it.
The counter arguments. The insults.
The countless times you've done worse.
I could win every argument you throw at me but I won't,
Because I'm hurt over it.
Because I'm enraged.
Because you and your senseless words spell that
No matter what I say, no matter what I do
I am pathetic.
I am the lesser.
I am nothing.
I have learned that victory is tasteless around you
Because I still end up wrong,
Because you never hear me.
You never heard the weight of my emotions,
My anxiety, my OCD, the reason I went on the pills,
The reason why I drink myself to sleep some nights,
The reason why I'm different.
Why bother?
It always falls down the empty void of
"You're too sensitive. You're too sensitive. You're too sensitive."
I have learned to swallow it because I have learned that
You don't want to listen to someone who is burgeoning with emotions no one else knows how to hold.
I am shaking and my throat is burning but I'm not worried
Because I have long since memorized the hellfire of anxiety.
I know the dance of panic attacks step by step.
I know how to laugh it off even though I'm dry heaving in the bathroom stalls because
I know how to ******* endure.

I will swallow this encounter and swallow every insult you hurl at me as this wrong against you keeps rising from the dead
Because even though I'm the devil to you,
You wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess I'm scared because
When you hear my voice
You don't hear wedding bells calling,
Only empty howls for naked nights.

Hi, you've reached my voicemail-
Dry spells, waiting,
Tucked in bed and shaking,
Dreaming of the day we are eachothers shadow again,
Bickering and snickering over bragging rights,
Over little car fights,
Outnumbered by the years that have passed
Since things were alright,
Invariably in tears because that's right,
There is no end to the lonely night!
The stars are blinking out faster
Than I can make up my mind
And is it worth it, old friend?
Was our last goodbye really the end?
Are the feelings mutual,
Or is it all in my head?
Does this muffled silence
Really mean that it's dead? -
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

:DIAL TONE