and actually
the reason I don't know anything
is because you don't know anything
because if you did know
then I would know
I would know so well
But I don't want to be the only one that knows,
you know?

When a girl loses her hope,
She becomes the most dangerous creature.
Fairytales and happy endings
Have lost their appeal.
'Mr Right' has been buried along with
All the other prince charming's from her childhood story books.
She visits him only in her dreams.
Boys with smooth tongues and gripping fingers trail after her.
Her bright smile and piercing glare
Spell the words: "enter if you dare"
She will laugh at all your jokes and burn your skin with her touch.
And her hands, oh they're so soft and gentle,
You don't even notice your arm is on fire.
Cheap compliments spill out of your mouth one after the other
And when she does not say thank you,
But instead chuckles to herself
You cannot help how enticed you are.
Every word she utters is
Daring you to come closer.
You see the way she's looking at you,
With those cumbersome doe-eyes
And you think you know what
She wants  
And you think you have what
She needs
And you could not be more wrong.
She knows exactly the right witty remark to make, how to bat her lashes just right and how to laugh with just the right combination of coquettish and cute.
Stupid boys always like to think they can save girls who in their minds are 'too adorable for their own good'. Stupid boys are always trying to make themselves gentlemen by simplifying a girl to being 'pretty'.
The hopeful little darlings will swallow all of these unsavoury sentiments and store them in their naïve little hearts.
But not this girl.
Beware of the girl with no hope left.
To her, this is a game that she cannot lose anymore.
To her, you are nothing but a pawn;
Replaceable
Invaluable
She is a luxuriant forest
drenched in gasoline
A beautiful disaster waiting to happen.
She is so deceiving, so alluring,
You simply must have a taste
And you may.
But take warning:
She will light up in flames,
devour your little boy soul
and burn both of your bodies
to the ******* ground.

The rains will come in the middle of the night and wash away the heaviness you've been carrying in your heart.
The rains will come; gentle and soothing at first, and then forceful and pounding
You've forgotten the difference between
feeling clean and feeling empty.
The difference between
feeling pure and feeling nothing at all.
You sigh too often because you are constantly forgetting to breathe.
But the rain will teach your tired lungs to allow oxygen to enter your chest and for now,
that will have to be good enough.
In the morning you will wake to air crisp and toxin-free.
You will feel the dew in-between your toes.
You will carry the weight in your heart with ease
and the puddles in the street will always be a reminder that sometimes
water doesn't flow, but fills.
All your cracks will be mended in due time.
It is when we don't allow time the chance to mend,
that emptiness sinks in.
Because you can fill your broken crevices
with liquor and smoke, with strangers' tongues. Things that take up space and distract.
But never heal.
Time is the only thing that can heal you
my love.
So allow the rain to cleanse your soul,
Allow the wounds to form scabs.
Then pick your scabs and forgive yourself for doing so because it is such a human thing to do.
But don't ever fear that you will never be whole again.
Time knows how long you need and
Time will have you looking back and laughing at the fact that you ever doubted its power for a second.

Young girl, wrinkled heart immaturely aged. Your wine is too sweet and your self confidence weak. You reak of naivety and romanticized happy endings. But the only thing ending is you. Did the world let you down once again, or was it just your blind hope that got the better of you? Did the false promises and the forgotten love-struck glances fool you? Is that why you're so mean and your eyes gleam with watered down love for a boy who was merely just a ploy in your moments so wrapped up in joy, that you didn't see it? You didn't see the lies for what they were. I don't blame you, sweet child, for they were so perfectly polished with 'good intentions' and contradicting sentences. You looked at him and you felt nothing less than the universe in your chest, but let me tell you, even his best will always be mediocre for you. Did the forgotten roses, wilted and pale on your windowsill make you believe that dead things can still prosper? I am sorry but it's time to realize that even though broken things are beautiful to look at, they will never grow and the cracks they show only allow more room for pain to seep in. I am telling you now, strong girl - leave it. New flowers bloom for you just outside the window and they are so sweet and they want to give just as much love as you do, if not even more. Leave him. He is not the soul you're meant to hold for all of time and he definitely doesn't deserve a second more of yours. Do the cigarettes and the open ended texts burn your tongue girl? Well good, that's what they're made for. If it hurts, it was intentional. If your hands shake whenever you wake because you had another dream where his love washed you clean, then push those dreams aside my love. They are nightmares now and the memories are sweet but your sheets lack the heat that his arms once promised. He promised but he didn't understand that you are the type to swallow words and hold his actions up to the light when they don't reciprocate what he claimed you two could make. You can make the world bold without his hand to hold and you can make it on your own, for your heart is your home. And no one else's.

i always thought
you were thru traffic
that you were just jet lag
background noise
the kiss in the rain
i've never had
but what if you aren't?
what if this
was the thousandth time
i have loved you?
what if this is just a fresh coat of paint?
what if god
keeps a handkerchief
soaked in the day we met
next to his bed?
maybe theres a reason
i reach for no one in bed
the way i would
if someone used to be there
you know, they say
the road behind us
is littered with things
we couldn't hold onto
i wonder how many times
you've slipped through my hands
like hour glass sand
do you know
how much erosion you've caused?
i heard cupid
stopped keeping count
of how many times
we came together
just to come apart again
maybe it was just a rumor
it makes me think
about how many times
i've almost had you
like if all this talk
about history repeating itself
endlessly replaying is true
i wonder how many times
things have happened already
like the time
i tried talking you
into loving me back
back fired
or the time i could have sworn
jesus & lazarus were playing chess
with my heartbeat
but it was only you smiling
how many times
have i tried to tell you
how many times
have you read this poem
how many times
have i tried not to meet you
in my dreams anymore
it's like sleep tries to warn
me of what's happening
before it does but
i keep having this dream
where i tell you bedtime stories
and each one
is a different way you die
and in every one
i can never save you
it's like you're this song
i have on repeat
and every time it starts over
i forget the words
it's like you picked up the book entitled "us"
and the back cover
said you'd leave
so you never bothered reading it
tell me you aren't
going back in that bookstore
just to do it again
or will you tell me tomorrow?
or is this the time
you don't say anything at all?
if this has all happened before
if we call it quits
before we begin
again
from the beginning
i just want to ask you
to be my fire
because i am tired
of these old lives
and i'd like to see them
burn

And when you see where I was,
it'll hit you hard
That the air is more than just particles
And the touches leave you scarred.
It is more than just consciousness, tangible explanations
The theory is already there,
Without any reciprocations.
The jokes hung on the bough,
Long before you met his gaze
And love sat patiently waiting,
While you wrote of the haze.
I follow love like an eager puppy
And you chase her away.
But she sits persistently in the lobby
And won't be led astray.
Love is all lashes and pink lips
And you are the ocean - waves, foam and dips.
So your tide tires her
And her lipstick leaks
And next thing you know
Pink from your water peaks.
Overthinking can be violent
And draws destruction near
So let's give in to attraction,
Let energy control the gear.

Passion eeks out, you lose the steering wheel
And love doesn't drown, her gills are
******* real

I drip
and bleed and spill and leak.
I overflow
and I don't know
the art of 'taking things slow'
Not when it comes to you,
Anyhow.

I scratch and scream,
Devour your dreams
And I still have the audacity
To ask for dessert.

I want everything you have to offer
And no, my dear,
I will not love you softer.

I need my soul to shatter
And it does not matter
What you do,
Just. Make. It. Mean. Something.

Make me look at the sky
And wonder why
Your voice makes me weak
And it's always a surprise.

I sigh and huff,
Poke, ponder, puff
Away on cigarettes like candy.
I wait and wilt
And wallow with guilt.

I curse at the clouds
for not teaching me
How 'not to stick around'
I want to run and heave
And finally ******* leave.
I want to push your pride
Underneath my thumb,
Tell you I wish
I never made you ***
Or come back.

I want to ****** the day
That sent you away.
why  couldn't you just stay

the first time?