Kay-Ann

Kay-Ann May 2014

colors

Sometimes I feel uncomfortable in my own skin
It's like this chocolate shell is slowly killing me from within
Sometimes I think about taking up that cream and bleaching my skin
But it's only gonna lighten my complexion while the light inside me is still dim
Sometimes I wonder why I get left behind just because I'm not light
I mean we're from the same race, aren't we supposed to unite?
sometimes I think something is wrong with me because I'm not light
I guess the lighter girls at school feel sorry for me which is why they act so contrite
People pick up the book entitled me and they see a dark-skinned girl who is free
And they just put it down because they can't bother to read
But I don't want someone who worries about the knots in my hair and the cornrows
I want someone who's not afraid to run their fingers in the knots of my soul
So why can't you love me for my big lips and round brown eyes
And my wide hips and shapely thighs
Why cant you see that I'm beautiful, I'm confused
Don't you know that I reflect you in all my hues
Brown, caramel, black and all that's in between
We're all just the same if you know what I mean.

Kay-Ann May 2014

my list for you

what I like about you:
the way your smile glitters like colored stones in the sun, the fact that you give me the sweetest compliments at the most unexpected times, the fact that we've been friends since high school started, how cute you look when you wear your hat turned backwards, the way you make my heart pulsate with ecstasy when you say I love you, that good morning text you sent me the day after we first got together and the way we laugh and talk like two old drunkards catching up on old times.

what I don't like about you:
your disappearing acts, the fact that you always like other girls' pictures and not mine, the way you try to escape our serious talks, the way you dodged Chelsea's question about if you really love me, the fact that you don't wanna admit that you're not sure about how you feel about us, the way you laughed when I told you I missed you so much that I literally felt pain, how you don't crave to hear my voice as much as I crave to hear yours and the way how you make me feel like silent chaos when you're gone.

May 2014

kyla marie

15 texts I (almost) sent you

I can't believe how amazing you are. You're the only person who's made me feel this special in a long time [delete]

are you sure you just want to be 'friends', I think I'm in love with you [delete]

can I have a goodbye kiss? I love your kisses, they taste like summer [delete]

I wish you would just say "Hi" to me in the hallways [delete]

that girl you always walk with is beautiful, I can understand why you didn't want me [delete]

when you told me I was beautiful and **** and all you would ever want, was that all a lie too? [delete]

I got a mosquito bite today and it reminded me of when we slept outside and were attacked by them [delete]

it smells like the nights we spent together [delete]

one, two, three...I've lost count of how many drinks are for you [delete]

I wish you thought about me as much as I think of you [delete]

why are your words stuck in my head [delete]

I was naive and young, I'm sorry I actually thought you loved me [delete]

it's been months since the summer nights we spent together. please tell me you miss me. [delete]

my chest hurts. my heart aches. everything about you from the way your lips tasted to how I got chills down my spine from just one touch makes me want to explode [delete]

the blood running down my wrist contains the words you said but never meant [delete]

Kay-Ann May 2014

shower thoughts

I'm here thinking about you and this situation of ours
and I feel an intense throbbing in my head
It came so suddenly with such ferocity, I decided to take a hot shower
The warmth of it always seems to make my pain evaporate
like the water as it touches my skin
and as it touches me, I get a revelation
A revelation so powerful, the water becomes even more heated
it's like the throbbing in my head was God knocking on the door
of my common senses and asking me kindly to wake up
Wake up and smell the roses?
No wake up and get moving
Cause all the roses are withered and dying sweetie
He tells me to remember that thinking of yourself isn't always selfish but necessary
God was telling me to save myself from the tornado that's coming
don't get ****** in by him, don't get caught in his whirlwind
Let go if you have to
The water becomes too hot and I turn it off
And I suddenly hear a commanding voice say
*"Make the throbbing stop"

Kay-Ann May 2014

haiku #3

and no one has it easy
we're all either heading for a storm,
just coming out of a storm
or in the midst of one.

Kay-Ann May 2014

haiku #2

its 2 am
and my mind is on a highway speeding
while my body is asleep

Kay-Ann May 2014

haiku #1

hope is a tree

you may cut it down

but it must grow again