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Cars keep driving by,
Do they even see me here?
Wish I was driving.
When you first look her in the eyes and admire the way they shine in the moonlight,
look deeper than the iris and drown in her pupil
as it is dark and it is deep, and it is similar to that of the Marianas trench itself.
When you get deep inside her brain, you will see the monsters that man cannot at first glance.
It gets so somber that your heart will get heavy and your palms will sweat,
you will repeatedly want to turn and you will want to run away,
but don’t.
Because these thoughts are not demons after you,
they are attacking her relentlessly and while she does not need a hero,
a helping hand won’t hurt.
She is not helpless, but she is also not safe
and she is afraid, and she is hiding from them.
So when she flinches away from your touch,
be gentle.
Like the breeze she feels when she opens her window on a late August night to feel something other than the stillness of her room
and to remind herself she is not just imagining her existence.
Remember that she has been through her share of nightmares like you, and while some may not be as bad, they are incredibly real to her.
Remember that she needs someone to love just as much as you.
Do not think this is a demand you love her when she has no one else,
just open your mind and your heart because that skinny girl with tired eyes is one of the most beautiful you’ll ever meet
and you will remember her for years to come.
Please, be gentle for she is fragile.
She is cracked, but has been dropped and broken so many times, the pain is not as bad,
the hurt is not such a surprise.
Do not let her be surprised if you stay when she expects you to go, because she will,
she will assume, she will get weak and she will picture you leaving when she needs you most
or she will try to push you away,
but remember her smile and remember her face because every actress is told they have so much to love but that does not mean they are all in bliss.
You’re the polish on her scuffed up shoes,
you’re the sun peeking through her blinds on a cool summer morning,
you’re the reminder that it will all be okay,
So long as you don’t run.
When you meet a girl
with shaky hands and a faint heart,
remember that she can get stronger again.
You are not her crutches, but you are support.
Do not think her life depends on you, because it doesn't.
Never put that on yourself.
You are not a superhero, but you can be her helping hand
If you remember
that it’s alright to stay.

I’m scared, too.
Pictures can fade

Like a mid summer day

Flowers can die and wilt away

I'm afraid

But our love will never fade

As we go by day after day.
I wrote this for me and my boyfriend.
Please talk nicely to yourself as you  fall asleep and dream about those roses we picked in your backyard.
They were almost as beautiful as you.
Don't get so wrapped up in the weeds that you stop growing before you fully bloom.
I promise I won't let anyone pick you and put you in their windex kitchens.
The smoke seeping from your lungs
Into mine
Like the venom in my blood
Pulsing
Reaping
Reminding me of the cold in his breath
The nails down someone else's back
Then back to you
Back to me
I carve your name over and over
Until the words become air
In my lungs
In your head
In my head
I find myself trapped in this cage
In this life
In this love
In you
In me
I am lost
In the smoke within your breath
Disappointment. I had never
Thought
Once
That it would go like this.

Death.

I never thought I'd have to
Think
About what I'd done.
How Id feel after I stopped
Bleeding
Breathing
Hearing.

How would it feel?
For a moment, I can close my eyes and my senses blur,
My thoughts lose specificity and fade into nothingness.

I'm not worthless or any of those things I shout at myself.

My nose, my mouth, my throat, and my brain tingle;
I am swirling with the fragrance and taste of more than yesterday.

Perhaps it won't last, but for now I'm alone in my basement,
And I've lost track of the thoughts that aren't okay with that.
Shh, I'm not thinking.
I fell in love,
I didn't even mean to

But does anyone ever mean to?
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