The worst thing I ever did to myself
was let a man control me.
I let him decide my worth
I always waited for his permission
I lived in fear everyday.
I let him threaten to leave me
I let him threaten to hit me
I let him take my life
as if it was his.
Nothing but a puppet on strings.
To this day I still feel fear when I
know I shouldn't.
He made everything feel wrong.
He made me feel like a prisoner.
I'm still trying to get used to being
my own person.
When I do things he didn't like
I have to remind myself that it's
okay. That he can't threaten me
anymore.
Like I think he's going to show up
and tell me how
stupid
i am.
tell me how
worthless
i am.
Tell me I'm nothing
but a burden to my parents
and everyone around me.
He would tell me all my friends hated me
He ruined me.
But ******* am I trying.

During the winter, I never would have thought you would be gone by the time the leaves grew back on the trees.
Today i walked to our favorite spot.
It was still so innocent, like us when we were there.
Brand new and untouched by each other.
That was over two years ago.
And i swear to god, I could have built a house right on top
of that bench we sat on, on that second date in the middle of the woods, and live there forever.

The last night i spent with you
I think we stood in the shower
for over an hour.
Now that you're gone
I stand in the shower and try
to trace your fingertips
on my skin for hours.
And my chest feels like
it's going to cave in
when I think about how
I don't know what length
your hair is anymore.
I start to wonder if i will ever
forget your birthday
just like I'm slowly forgetting
the color of your eyes
and the sound of your voice.

I would always think of her,
Every night we'd cry our pain
And say that we were both dying
But only one of us ever did,
And I never told her
How I felt.

Please don't tell me I'll be a great mom someday,
I will never know that fate.
I gave up that right when I gave up their lives,
And now the mere thought of it makes me sick.
I had mixed emotions when I peed on the stick,
But this fairytale has a sick twist;
You see the prince couldn't see himself tied down with this particular lady,
And the princess' love made her brain go hazy.
She made decisions where she couldn't possibly know what the outcome would be,
And now her pain is left for everyone around to see.

So please please please don't tell me what a great mother I would be...
because you will never see exactly what that does to me.

Tear stains are etched along my face,
I cried the day that I packed my s* and I walked away.
Tear stains are etched along my face when I think about you and think about all of the hell you put me through,
and how I called it love when you always pushed me away...
but when it's good it's great right?
that's what I thought anyways but the whole time you were just playing games. The whole **** time you were just playing games...but I remember how you didn't want to hurt me...and you hurt me everytime you called this a thing and then you denied it to your friends and family.
You hurt me everytime we had serious conversations about a future we would NEVER have because you had no intentions of ever having me in your future.
You hurt me every single f*ing time.
Tear stains are still etched along my face when I think about the fact I made that decision for you.
You had no right to that decision at all especially given the fact that you had no intentions of being around in my life in the future,
Why the hell did I let you make such a big decision for my future,
When it's my life that I changed FOREVER by saying yes, I'll get it done.
I gave up my right to decide because I thought you loved me and I thought that was right.
I thought I'd be alone in this and I was right but not in the sense that I initially believed; I'm alone in feeling so broken up inside every day and every night...will I ever be alright?--- wait this isn't about me this is about you.
Tears are still etched gracefully along my cheeks as I say thank you.
Thank you for teaching me what love isn't,
for helping me to understand what it can be.
Thank you for caring about me...you did care otherwise you wouldn't have been there after we did what we did.
You cuddled me and coddled me for many nights so thank you for caring.
Thank you for letting me go,
thank you for not putting up a fight for the us that would never be; that we would never see.
Thank you for not holding me back in life by making me think that maybe this could turn out right.
Thank you for letting me be me without You and you without me.
We weren't good for each other now I see, So thank you.
Tears are etched along my face... but ****...I look happy today.

I'm overwhelmed that much is true,
I'm overwhelmed by missing you.
It ***** not being able to see you,
It hurts when I don't hear your voice,
I worry when I don't get a text,
And at night I'm alone and afraid.
I've grown too close to you, ya see?
I poured my heart and soul into us,
And now what's left of me is fragments,
Because us became me....and you.
I became stressed and lonely,
And you grew to be more distant;

Love isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I know in my heart this to be true,
A piece of me will always want you.
And now we attempt separate paths,
And I fear my happiness will never last.
This is how our story must end,
We were better as just friends.
I am overwhelmed that much is true,
For I desired a fairytale ending,
Instead I was met with the end of us.
I miss you,
I want you,
I need you,
I love you.
I miss you.
I miss you.  
I want you,
I need you,
I miss you.
I miss you.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

I still love you.