it's 5 a.m.

you’re tired ,

that's the only time

you seem to want me.

whether it's alone

in your bedroom

under the sheets

or it's with your friends

in a crowded cafe,

it's only when you’re tired.

when you’re awake,

you won't put your lips on my edges.

you’re too busy touching over lovers,

rummaging through papers,

calling your friends,

laughing.

you seem to forget who woke you up.

who made you warm.

and tomorrow you will be tired again

and i will still let you

put your lips

on my edges

though i know

when you're awake

you won't need me.

but

my heart is bigger

than my head.

i am

so so warm,

and you are

so so cold.

cold enough to use me.

i - warm enough to not care.

because

you are so much happier

when

you’re awake.

I've changed since then.
I've grown up, to learn from my mistakes.
I can't bare to keep it from you.
That pain I can not take.

The drugs and pleasure were not what I needed,
I moved on to think I had succeeded.
But I had pain inside, because I was not whole.
I did not speak the truth and words were not spoken.

Though it may have seemed fine, it wasn't.
I could not hide it anymore.
No lie or secret was worth the pain I felt.
I had to let you know.

I'm sorry I lied.
I'm sorry I failed.
But I know I can be forgiven.
For its what gods intentions would have felt.

Your words,
are soaked in glue.
And they are sticking to me,
like it's all they know how.
The trace marks of your fingers,
linger on my skin
Clearly outlined in tingles and chills
Your kiss,
follows me like a shadow
A feeling I just can't shake loose.
But why would I ever want to.
Now a ghost fills that space
And all I have left is this pebble,
and the memories that wrap around it like a blanket.
To comfort me in this solemn grave
I dug myself in.
If only I had the strength to reach up,
to reach for your hand,
and climb my way out.