Every hair in place,
Arms positioned just on the hips,
Head slightly to the left,
Shoulders back,
Eyes wide, big smile.
Shutter clicks.....


You’ve always had a knack for capturing perfection behind a lens
Like a beautifully choreographed dance, all these small parts, strung together
To create a jaw dropping performance of pixels that seemed to sparkle across my screen

It certainly drew in envious eyes
“You’re so lucky”, “I wish _ made me look like that in photos”, “you must love having your picture taken all the time” “all your photos look like model shots”

It’s true, they did.
Each one gracefully constructed to diminish any flaws and highlight only the best.

Yet I longed for something raw,
The imperfect.
It’s the accidental click that caught me mid laugh at a friends joke I ached for
It’s the “i just saw a dog walk into this bar” face I make, no matter how many dogs I’ve seen that day  
Or we’re drenched in our gear, waiting out the storm of what was supposed to be an ideal shoot, but we’re happy just to be together
Maybe it’s my sweatpants, messy hair, eating pancakes in bed on a Saturday morning and I tell you to delete it immediately
It’s those moments I crave to have a snapshot of
To reminisce on all the life that filled us everyday,
The triumphs, the laughter, the nitty gritty, the downright miserable
I want the chaos of real life captured
Not just the illusion you could create with an artists hands

I wake up, it's April 1st
It should be like any other April 1st,
the weather shifting from cold to warm, to cold, as Mother Nature cannot make up her mind just yet
Green stems peeking out from under soft soil, damp from the rain before sunrise
sound filling the air is of sweet blue jays and the occasional hummingbird buzzing by
Children down the street are drawing on the sidewalk with brightly colored chalks, while their parents talk about Easter plans
A sense of excitement, of new beginnings as the winter blues melted away with the snow
But today is not that April 1st.
I'm woken by hail, pounding down on this rusted cabin roof
The air is stale and weighs heavy in my lungs
the birds are bustling about as usual, but instead of sweet melodies, I'm irritated at their noisiness
No sign of children playing,
no sign of parents making weekend plans
When my eyes finally do catch another person
Its fear and uncertainty filling their eyes
it's wearing a mask so they don't breathe in the same air as I
it's wearing tightly fitted gloves on both hands
It's the strong stench of disinfectant we both bathed in prior to stepping out our own door
It's locking eyes, not from an beautiful human connection, but in pleads to keep your distance
It's a world I do not recognize
all remnants of a different time, all dreams, and all futures have been stashed away
put in a box and shoved under a bed for safe keeping
praying tomorrow we can dig them back out,
dust them off,
and the world we remember will come pouring out of them

We were once so full:
of 'hello pretty girl, good morning handsome',
goodnight kisses,
arms entangled around each other

We spoke 'I love you's as if the words were air that filled our lungs
My skin knew yours like a cloak, drenched, but keeping me safe from the rains
Your eyes were my lighthouse, guiding me home when the storms that surrounded me grew heavy.

They see us hand in hand
Arms wrapped around each other
They say things, 'cute couple' and 'new love '
They hear of our plans for our future together, our promises and they say...
'It's too soon' or 'you hardly know one another'
But that's the beauty behind the mask
'They', they don't know the struggles we faced to get here
The nights of tears, of uncertainty
The war among hearts that led our arms to be holding on so tight
They don't know the tests we've already had to overcome
To be able to share that kiss out at dinner
To be able to hold your hand as we walk through the park
So we'll let their opinions fall past
Because like an iceberg,
Only a fragment is visible on the surface
While the rest lies below, hidden under layers of blue waters

How strange.
How beautifully strange a moment is.
once lost among the shadows,
Now we gleam in the brightest of light
A season ago I longed for you,
And the chances seemed so far out of reach
I ached for touch, your kiss, your voice
And now;
We're in a whirlwind of love, of kisses, of deep looks, and 'just one more minute's with one another
A loop that will never cease
And those days of disparity,
Are soon to be long forgotten
Pushed out of our memories
As the love keeps pouring in

Is it too late?
If I showed up at your door tonight, would you ask me to walk away?
Would you let me stay?

I'll admit,
Sometimes it's easier to pretend I don't love you
Than to deal with the fact that I do more than I can handle