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 May 2014 Joshua Ryan
AP
I guess I was just crazy because I didn't have a problem with my wild brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. I didn't have a problem with who I was at all. I think what's worse than hating yourself is liking what you see in the mirror and wondering why no one else does.
When you can see the sunshine in a far away land
But your world is so dark, you can't see your own hand
When the people around you become a clown
They would do anything so you wouldn't frown
All I can see is the darkened hill
Where flowers and butterflies no longer appeal
YOU are the reason for what I've become
And the reason I have become so numb
When the sun comes out and the dark disappears
I'll stand up tall and brush away your tears
No longer will I care what anyone says
Therefore I'll be happy for the rest of my days
BUT, I fear those days will never come
And I'll be stuck here, numb
Because I can see the sunshine in a far away land
But my world is so dark, I can't see my own hand.
I entered this into a competition
 May 2014 Joshua Ryan
bones
Next time
you find yourself
standing in line
think a little differently
step sideways
or back
and commit a very small act of rebellion

but

not when queuing
at a supermarket checkout
if your hungry

and not
whilst waiting
at passport border control
as trigger fingers may start to twitch

and it would be best
to avoid doing so altogether
at a public ******
where stepping sideways
or back
can be a risky business
even with the place to yourself

on reflection it appears
there is a time
and a place
for everything
even
very small acts of rebellion

although
it ought to be said

a rebellion
that knows no hunger

a rebellion
that challenges neither borders
or control

a rebellion
that overly concerns itself with
******* in the designated area

has probably
entirely
missed the point.
excuse the ramble
Ive been eating a lot of cheese
Laying in bed, i’m counting the speckles on the ceiling, along with all the ways in which I lost her. There once was a time where I use to count the freckles on her body instead; ear, nose, neck, chest, even down to the little speckle in her one eye. They were my favorite thing about her, because they were one of the only things that managed to stay the same, while she was changing like Winter to Spring.
From hello, to lets go out, to I love you, to this is getting hard to handle, to I slept with somebody else, to good bye- I counted them as she walked away for the final time, all accounted for; the only things from the start that still remain.

I think I understand why they call them beauty marks now.
9:48am

He is the only person in her life
That makes her feel beautiful.
He tells her he loves her
And she knows he means it
By the way his eyes light up
When he says her name.

She would kiss him for hours
And he would let her
Because he wanted to kiss her, too.

Sometimes he holds her, but
Sometimes she holds him, too;
Because she knows he likes it.

When she tells him she loves him,
She looks right into his eyes;
And he knows she means it,
Because her eyes light up in the
Same way as his do.
We part ways,
& the paths that we take
Lead us back to each other

Oh, how I suffer,
My rediscovered lover
Won't you please smother me?

Every time we say we're done
We'll still return for one more bump,
Take a bad hit of our drug
Then run back like addicts

So let's give this one last try
While my lantern oil runs dry
& I run aimlessly in the dark
Trying to find you

Pensive, I stare into this hourglass
Remissive, and reminiscent
of forgotten ever after
effervescently iridescent
Like flowing light observed through a prismastic prison

As my grasp slips,
sand will filter between my fingertips
And Ill swear with every falling grain
Someday they'll meet and create
a famous work of art
putting even Mona Lisa to shame;
Forged in the flames, of our eternal love

But in the blink of an eye, I'm buried;
Cemented in the sediment of time
Oh how I wish you'd carry me to the brink
Just one last instance, so I can feel alive again
While

f
r
e
e
f
a
l
l
i
n
g


through meaningless semi-existence
I actually just rediscovered an early draft of this written in December 2010. Felt this deserved to be finished. The title is a sort of combination of the phrases "Such love" and "love once lost"
 May 2014 Joshua Ryan
Jenovah
I wish for warm sand and cool water.
Good company and a 12-pack of beer.
Take me anywhere, anywhere, but here.
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body.  i like what it does,
i like its hows.  i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

— The End —