It clamps my heart  hard in it's hand
Trying to stifle
The pulsing beat
Stop my breath
My words
My truth
But I can't
I have to speak
I can't stop the river
That flows
It is truth
And truth be told
No matter what the cost

I stare at the crowd
rapid breath intakes
sweaty palms
I can't do this

I look back at her
telling her I can't do it
don't overreact
she says

my heartbeat is deafening
faster
faster
as if it wants to escape

I can do this
I think
but i know I can't

I'll fail
fail
f a i l

I feel nauseous
why am i so stupid
all I have to do is go there
just walk
**** it
why am i afraid?

I can do this,
I convince myself again
but my heart and sweaty palms
told me otherwise  

I look back to her again
with my pleading eyes
on the verge of crying

it's so simple
how can you fail,
everyone else can do it
she says

simple for her,
but I am not her
nor everyone else

why are you forcing me?

i bite my lip,
so hard that it's bleeding

I stammer
but- I - can't-do- it

why can't you understand?

I lost the ***** that held my world together
There is no finding it now
And yes, I looked between the cushions of the couch
I prepare to run because
Like water through a busted dam it is coming
Like the pain of a stubbed toe it arrives in a furious instant
That asks for select curse words to be shouted
But so unlike pain in my toe, it does not fade
My world comes crashing down
The clouds in the sky fall
As dust onto my outstretched fingertips
(They hope to catch a bit of my falling world)
The atmosphere caves in
The air pressure intensifies
Until it has wrapped me
In a straight-jacket and
I
Am  
Paralyzed
I Search for your comforting eyes as you
Distantly ask me if I am okay I’m not
Okay but I cannot
Open my mouth
For the words to say because
I cannot move an inch to save you
Let alone myself
I couldn’t even save a
Word document right now
I try to scream but  
I
Can’t
Speak
And my world is crashing down
The water from the busted dam
Hits me like a concrete wall
My useless straight-jacketed body
Is swept away  
The water washes away all emotion  
I
Can’t
Feel
The sound of my demise is so loud
In my ears
I cannot hear you any longer
I
Can’t
Hear
The lack of oxygen
In my brain
Turns off the light  
I cannot see the stars
I
Can’t
See
Water everywhere
World crashing down
I
Am
Drowning
My heart beats too
Fast
Fast
Fast
I don’t have enough air to
Last
Last
Last
World
Crashing
Down
I
Can’t
Move
Can’t
Speak
Nor
Feel
Hear
See,
I
(Gasp)
Can’t
(Gasp)
Breathe.

thousands of kids enter the school
I crouch in the corner, trapped
my limbs shake and my heart races

my mom wants to buy a new purse
I shrink away, run to the door
my legs wont move but my mind runs

my best friend didn't call me back
does she need help? does she hate me?
my last meal is being flushed away

*Generalized Anxiety

every sad teen
with dead eyes
who hates their parents
and thinks the world is ****

was once a happy kid
with bright eyes
who believed their parents were heroes
and that anything was possible

I don't love you
I don't care about you
I am fine
I am happy
nothing
I am over you
I don't know you
I didn't miss you
I am okay
your eyes are not sparkling
You are not handsome
you are not smart
your smile is not cute
I don't love your eyes
my life is complete without you

Let it go,
let it go,
just drop it out,
in the snow.
Let it cool,
don't be a fool,
it does not matter,
to look cool.
For if you live,
with hidden hate,
you will realize,
when it is too late.
If you hold,
that anger inside,
letting it grow,
letting it preside.
You will only hurt,
the ones that you love,
so let it all go,
and rise up above.

It's sad how the things go like this today ..
I've thought about it hundered times ..
The words that should be said ..
Before reaching this pointless point ..
Time won't always heal your pain ..
Sometimes , the pain will always haunt you ..
Listen to my unspoken words ..
Hear my unheared scream ..
Stare at my eyes and you'll find the answer ..
It's sad how the things go like this today ..
This pain inside your chest , i feel it ..
This pain that lead you to carziness ..
This craziness that i can handle ..
It's me , It's your home where you're always safe ..
I will be there away and you'll replace me hundered times ..
Until you realise that no one can handle you but me ..
Not because you're hard to handle but because it's me , it's your home where you're always safe ..
I will be there away and you'll comeback ..
Until then , i will be in another place where i didn't use to be in ..

I will be

In the corner of your eyes

And you'll always look at me

*stealthily