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  Jun 2015 John Stevens
Ami Shae
Swimming out to sea
hoping
the waves will
swallow me.
well, maybe for just a short time
could use a break from this weary
brain of mine...
  Jun 2015 John Stevens
Ami Shae
I wanted to crawl back underneath the bed
and hide my aching swollen head
never allow the light to find my eyes
just lay here forever til I die
and forget that I have a life waiting for me
cause this pain is just too brutal -- it's all I can see...

BUT!

hiding from the pain underneath the bed
is not an option, so what I'll do instead
is get my *** up off this cold hard floor
and put my clothes on, walk out that door
and make the best of this so called new day
and hope that I can at least smile along my way...
some days it's just hard to get moving and face the fact that I have to be a part of the real world...oh well...here I go...
  Jun 2015 John Stevens
Vivian
How many times
Can I say that I'M NOT GUILTY, no!
Don’t recognize that face.
Is this a game?
You’re playing with my life you know.
How much more can I take?

This is my plea.
Come rescue me.

Is it a crime
To get overwhelmed and angry too?
They never ask my side.
You’re not the only one
Who feels the pain; I BREAK DOWN too!
I wish we didn’t have to fight.

This is my plea.
Have mercy on me!

How did things get so out of hand?
I’m looking back at what I did,
And I don’t understand.
That’s NOT LIKE ME!
I had no premonitions of breaking your heart.
I’m not sure who, what, when, or where,
But they say they found my fingerprints there.

Say I’m the guilty one,
But I am a VICTIM too.
They say it's a lost cause.

THERE'S A DEAD MAN WALKING!

I’ve got an empty soul.
I’m a casualty of LOVE GONE COLD.
Don’t know where it went wrong.

**THERE’S A DEAD MAN WALKING!
  Jun 2015 John Stevens
SøułSurvivør
@---\---

i will hear
a classic piece
that my soul may rest
music soothes
the savage beast
which writhes
within my breast

the light begins
with violins
a lovely harpsichord
then came in
some flute!
woodwinds!
a winsome building chord!

finding my direction
back to a place that's fair
finding my connection
to a friend
who's there

finding my companion
in a friend who's free
music is the bastion

AND ALWAYS WILL BE


soulsurvivor
(c) 6/17/2015
Going to go listen to music
That always cheers me up!

@---\---
John Stevens Jun 2015
Discovered I forgot to post this on HP

Mar 25. 2010

Tony Boy – Chapter 2
A few weeks ago Tony was standing in the door way and said, “Grandpa?: Yes. “Grandpas need grandkids so they won’t get bored.” He is correct in that assumption since there is not a day that some surprise doesn’t pop up. I won’t be dying from boredom any time soon. I have been retired three years now and boredom is not a problem.

We were checking out at Target the other day and the checker and Tony was having a great conversation. As we were leaving, he turned around and said to the checker, “You are missing a tooth. You know that if you put it under your pillow, you can get some money for it from the tooth fairy.” The checker and the people in line were having a chuckle. Me, I laughed all the way to the car. When we got in the car he was questioning me as to why I was laughing. Oh, I just saw something funny.

Today (03/17/2010) we were in Costco foraging about 2:30. It is a great way to pass some time together. The food tables were set up and we had hit the ravioli stuff a couple of times already. The lady running it said one time she had noticed us coming in since he was in a stroller. Anyway, Tony headed back to get another sample and she was talking to a friend. As I rounded the corner Tony was talking to the friend. She was asking him how old he was. “Four.” At which she said, “You are smarter than my 15 year old.”

Tony is 5 today (3/24) A lot of people know his name. Me? Oh I am just Tony’s grandpa. A few weeks back we were in Sears to visit one of his many “friends”. Tammie was not available at the moment and we were wandering around looking at TVs. A fellow was down on his knees putting together a new display. Tony walked up to him and ask, “Do you know what you are doing?” The guy looked rather surprised and then the two got into a discussion of what tools to use. Tony told him about all the tools he has and what should be used on the job. Along came the usual question people ask Tony. “How old are you?” “I am four.” I heard the guy telling some of his fellow workers about being ask if he know what he was doing. They all had a good laugh together. We found Tammie and Tony got picked up and a BIG hug. Most of the people working in the electronics and appliance department know all about the little boy named Tony Boy. It is interesting to see their faces light up when Tony comes around the corner.
Tony is 10 now. Kids are always asking me. "Tony said he has done..... Is that true?"   Yes it is. Surprise sets in. Jaws drop. And so it goes.
  Jun 2015 John Stevens
Ryan Hoysan
Sometimes it's a blessing, others a curse. Sometimes anywhere and everywhere in between. They can be the most comforting things or the most venomous. Sometimes good thoughts get interrupted by the bad and drag me down, but yet others still will pull me out of my own darkness.

Others are questions, whom, if I ever find the answer to, will just create more questions for me to answer. It's like roulette. You got a 50-50 shot. You could either bet it all on one go and come up big or you could lose it all. On the other hand you could bet in small increments, never winning to much, but then again, not losing to much.

How much are you willing to risk in an effort to gain?
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