Some people mean well but when they ask you the question
are they really prepared for the answer?

How am I?  Well let me tell you.
Life is lived daily by the frayed edges of well worn rope.
My stale cigarette is just one inhale away from burning my flesh.
Lovers?  I'm one **** away from a grand STD because I don't care
enough to love anymore.  Just into the harsh slip and slide offered
in the back of the sticky floored bar.  It's filled with people like me here.
We don't talk, we stare, we smoke, the burn of the poison going down
strokes a fire that makes us feel alive.

They want me to change.  Change is was what brought me here.
Ironic isn't it?  Massive waves of stench roll over my light filled
soul trying to dim.  That, they can never have.  No matter how far
I've gone into the dark night of the soul...no one gets my flame.

A poison push just another shot then we simply say are goodbyes .
Can we even see beyond the miles now we walked through hell and just as many walk through that door.

Is it malice we take are bitterness sharing with every one night stand .
Junkies are all the same with far better titles

Alleys of emptiness and rooms cast in shadow will the night corrupt us all turning the meek into rats .

Afraid we no longer recognize are reflection hidden in coffins and that early graves promise .

Can you take me with my burden or simply say ******* goodbye?

We all fall down sometimes and others simply prefer to crash and burn.
One more round turns to seven more years the trap was set and you simply put your hand within the fire .

We are all over-sized children playing a fatal game~

Torn the flesh does the monster consume the grave is calling and I dance with glee towards my demise .

Counting scars making new wounds all the time does the trigger appeal to you or just the outcome ?

Lets bleed for no reason and get lost never to return as one.
Fractions of many will be trampled by the few.

With help from old friends and a quick fix keep away from the windows and lock your thoughts far away from.your heart .

I'm the fool dancing happily on the outer wall .

Devils find promise in the loaded deck where madmen seek nothing at all.

Tombstones mark the many .
And you simply are standing upright for now .

The rattle snakes venom such dark pleasures cast beyond the page .

We can no longer pretend .

The madman needs nothing but a asylum but hides as well on a empty street.

Scarecrows stand casting shadows tall in summers heat.

Nobody wants to see there truths clear .
Blind yourself while you can for the worst is still ahead .

And the darkness consumes the best of us all.

I know the highway you choose to ignore .

Madness is always within the miles yet unseen that lay ahead .

There's no detour through hell.
Simply a straight line .

Does the time make us fools or simply were we always so to begin with .
Sketches faded now remain a ghost that haunts only the artist and nobody else.

The clock strikes midnight, but time stands still in this illusion of borrowed hours

Will there be a moments peace within the turmoil which ever lingers upon this day
The hours are toxic to a idle mind.

Falling in a routine and a favorite vice the blade still glimmers even after all its use .

We always find misery easily where others just themselves.

Voices speak to me of freedom
But freedom is not something I desire
I beg and plead with you
But hell
what do you care
I'm lost
But don't treat me like a fool
A fools freedom in your smile
Is not freedom at all

As I walk now past empty gardens that once knew life of summers embrace .

Winters chill is a empty ended promise .
Now simply scorched is the earth that does remain.

The clock upon the wall simply keeps time we only hold memories and nothing more


Life has been a listless game of joys and sorrows
I've spent my joys too quickly and they nowadays spread themselves thin upon the stage which is my life
Sorrowful me that lingers on the edge of reason
May reason be the saving of my  sanity and not its end

I been drinking since I was sixteen .
That was many a moon ago.
I been in the party life most all my life .

It was a natural environment I fit in like the ******* furniture .
I played the scene for all its worth found many a warm bed seldom was it my own.

Then for awhile I stepped away .
Never from the bottle just from the scene.

Many thought the edge was gone that the wolf settled down became some old dog sleeping upon the porch.

But anything planned is often foiled by life.
And now back to what will be my cemeteries  existence  I return.

Alone but then again a lone wolf isn't the a wolf if not alone.
The fangs still sharp with some fresh scars on display.

False happiness and full of **** .
It wasn't my choice to return but at the party till my death shall I stay.

We all find ourselves wherever the **** we least expected .
You can't plan life but you can catch a buzz somewhere in the ******* inbetween.

Cheers

Gonz

Its the end I never cared to write the distance to great and still within my reach.

My road now is traveled alone and I simply check still to see if your there.

The mind is the worst prison of them all
all
My thoughts far stronger than the iron bars I view the outside world has become a stranger now.

I know my truths and see your path separate .
A man can only take so much and I have died many times only to return a little  less than what I was before.

Nothings left now tell me where we go from nowhere ?

Another midnight drive looking for what I can never find.
Old pictures captured emotions I just can't stand to bleed these lines.

Maybe it catches you when none other can see.
And the scar we bare together .
You view alone shed a tear and recall .

All I know  is my page is coming to its chapters close.

We chased many a sunset kid.

And I am left with nothing else to say.

It wasnt my best day in fact I was lost like a person who has actual musical taste at a modern pop concert.

Hopeless beaten in need of a hug or maybe something else .
Hey id sit outside with a sign around my neck saying *******.please if I thought it actually work.

What dont judge me and dudes need not apply that was a phase in college .
Im kidding I never went to college

She was gone and i was alone left with the farting dog and a world of pain while the miserable  **** puppy was off having the time of her life .

Minus the ***** dancing and Patrick Swayze wearing his skin tight **** black shirt .
But nobody puts baby i a corner im just saying.

Sure I was alone my ***** supply running low trapped in a ******* no hope of getting laid in sight but who's ******* bitter .

I mean I could replace my favorite nypho ******* head cheerleader with the snap of my fingers.

Yeah I was totally ****** .
I didn't miss her so.much but why the **** did she have to take her ******* ****** with her **** greedy ***** .

******* women ya think they could just leave it behind like half there ******* clothes but oh no the greedy *** *******.

And to all the ladies reading this please dont take offense im not calling all of you ******* just the ***** ***** I was with for six ******* years but again im not bitter.

I was high and dry left only with half her crap and some farting furry hobo I called ****** .

Hey I was the man!
I was the one that was supposed to leave her in the dust .

It was then I had a moment of genius and yet another stiff drink cause my live in ****** left me to die in misery but who's bitter.


I dialed her number .
And to.my suprize she picked up.

Hello Gonzo.

I waited

Um are you just calling to not say anything yet again like last night while you play some.****** up hair metal power ballad in the background again?

Oh Kelley
Hey sorry bout that last night didn't realize my phone was on .
Yeah was at a total **** naked chicks everywhere didn't know I called you being I was so busy banging the night away totally not thinking of you.

Yeah that's why I could hear you crying and please pick.better music next time okay .

Well im sorry my.why did you leave me you cold hearted ***** playlist wouldn't load .

Jesus Christ Gonzo im.not going to do this with you I told you were done I love you but im not in love with you cause im a heartless ***** .
Okay she didn't say the last part but all my stories are based on reality duh there's a difference.

I paused thought about all the good times and ***** things we used to do I was really having one of those sappy TV show moments.

Gonzo what the **** are you doing?
Kelley asked .

Nothing why just thinking bout the past looking at some home movies we made.

Jesus ******* christ!
Your watching **** and talking to me do not tell me.your jerking off as well you ******* pervert!

Kelley said. In her **** angry voice once made me think I was in trouble or gonna get a spanking once I didn't fear cause she was on the phone and duh ya can't do that over the phone ******* reader .

I swear you people who read this are total weirdos I guess that why I love you so much .

But enough with the foreplay children.

After I um got off the subject of if I was ******* to some art films me and my ex made together .

It was really a think piece about a woman kinda lost seeking to find herself with no gag reflex .

I really miss my ******.

Sure she was a cruel ,ruthless,lying,Cheating **** puppy but she gave me *** without charging .

To.much that is hahaha I know im ****** up but dont judge me least im a honest pervert.

Gonzo you know there's always going to be a part of me that loves you .

Yeah kid I know .
We were both silent for awhile .
I paused recalled the nights remebred just how close we were laying together in the dark .

Looking into each others eyes .
The scared messed up trainwreck of a soul that always laughed at my jokes.

The silence went on forever till I farted the loudest **** possible It was long and stinky honestly it sounded like a bomb going off and smelled worse than strippers g string after a long night at the club .

Not that I know what that would smell like I mean from what I've been told I mean.

Well at least its good to know nothings ever serious with you.
You drunken ******* .

So does this mean you've seen the error of your ways and are on the first flight home to totally ***** the life outta me again?

Um no.

Okay maybe a ******* ?

Don't think so Gonzo.

**** okay a ******* while we watch one of those gay *** chick flicks you like .
Hey you be suprized how good the notebook is while getting ****** off.

Mmm Ryan Gosling mucho **** is all I'm gonna say.


Im kidding well kinda.

Gonz honey I know your in pain and I just want you to promise me this baby.

Please don't stop writing okay.
Kelley  said to me.
I don't care what its about baby just never stop I love your work I always will you know your my favorite writer always.

I just got to figure me out is all.

I paused to drag this story out just a little longer and make the five of you that stuck through to read this **** wonder .

What the hell kind of **** is this nut on.

Well im definitely not on my ex haha but who is bitter.

We spoke a llittle longer I made her laugh as always promised her I would keep on being the greatest perverted short story writer on a site for poets that I could be.

We hung up went are separate ways.
I went on to be captain kickass .

And Kelley  she fell asleep at the wheel drove off the side of a mountain dying in a fiery death .

Im kidding well I can always hope .

Im still writing like she asked.
And as long if your reading this sweetheart I know your demented *** thinks its funny .

Stay crazy.

Gonzo

There is no easy way to take it.
The rejection of many never compares to that of one once true


They are the ones that always hit you the hardest.
I have buried myself to avoid the pain of the many my defenses are stronger than the average man.

She was my exception .
I didn't try to stop you .
Only a fool pleads.
Giving what little dignity he has for a thin chance at something that is over to begin with.

Kelley was my poison she was like certain death and a good time all rolled into one.

She never cared for anyone let alone me
But I made her laugh and that was good enough to have her for six years .

She was the one I wasnt supposed to have.
Young beautiful she was from a world I could never understand.

But she loved me for what reasons I will never truly grasp.

I missed are passion for everything.
Fighting ,Drinking ,*******.
She understood madness with a good dose of her own.

The week she left me.for good I stayed on a three week drunk.
Eat pills like they were candy and found after awhile even being numb has a emptiness that simply masks pain.


The phone would ring and I knew it was her.
I couldn't answer.

It wasnt that I didn't want to hear from her.
It was I didn't want to allow lies to feed a glimmer of hope.

Writers are professional liars.
She was no writer.
She was something far worse.
She was a women whom had a mans mentality.

She was as  ****** up as me and I knew her love was toxic .
She was like a cigarette to a trying to quit smoker .

Sure it can **** you but man one draw and that poison never tasted so good.
Death can be tempting when it looks so ******* good.

I was the past to her .
Nobody ever stays in love with the past.

I sat there alone in my cluttered room watching one day flow into the next.

Dust grew upon the page.
My thoughts simply stayed in a state of rewind.

Im not home  now leave message after the beep.

Baby please talk to me.
Kelly's voice came through.

I didn't answer .
There's only silence amougsnt the tombstones.