Quote from the book 'The Friends of Eddie Coyle':
"This life's hard , but it's a lot harder if your stupid."

2024 is passing by,
January gone in a blink of an eye.
February halfway in
I cannot even count my breathing.
It's going away fast
I haven't achieved anything.
My foot buried in the concrete,
The time has gained in the speed.

Atoms beget molecules.
Ions take their cue.
Structure, a matrix.
Escape, a fix.

Sorrow, crystalline.
Hurt to be undone.
A war, never won.
Just a casualty of one.

Non-consensual existence.
The future past-tense.
A struggle to survive.
The pain of being alive.

We all want to be free.
Escape inherited misery.
Few choices can we see
Systemic denial of agency.

Joy, we've conceded.
Depression, defeated.
Is it too much to reel,
To simply not feel?

I watched you turn young again
Lost in the supermarket
Searching for a place to be
Searching for my hand to hold

I watched my skin turn old and pale against the steering wheel
The way back home is long and
quiet and
all dirt road

Wise girl turned wiser
Wise girl turned free
Perhaps too gone to be my girl
Still, she returns to me

I guess I’ve experienced too much of life to care about it.
When people ask me questions about how I’m doing, I’m not responding.

I really don’t give a **** about what I should or shouldn’t be doing.
I’ve done enough, life’s done enough.
Please spare me those ideas about “manifesting”.
Just another way of controlling.
Life will be unfolding itself.
I’m just a spectator trying to make it worth it.
Worth being a part of the show, making myself look the way I want to.

I guess part of me always knew what I didn’t care for.
And what I did find important.
Too important because I can’t get it perfect.
But I learn to bargain, I’m still bargaining.
Daily for the way I want things.

Give me the music and the *****.
The bed that feels nice.
The man that cares.
Are the other feelings not just inside me?
A reflection of my own longing.
Never reciprocated or barely.
Not here.

tidy beach
soft sand and honest stones
to be fortunate here