No matter how many times I say her name
It still gets caught in my throat
Still holds insurmountable meaning
It doesn't just become three syllables
It becomes me crying cause I realize it's almost been 5 months since the last time we made love
5 months since the last time we kissed or even truly talked
And she is happy
And I'm still in bed, whispering her name
And hoping it becomes just three
Syll-a-bles.

I hear, there is no caring just lingering thoughts
Of what it's believed to never have been
Still your demons awakened my own
As i fulfilled my promise to give you all that i could

The evil surfaced in acid burns on the soul,
Your sulfur dragons born of barren dreams
Spewed fire that licked my flesh clean
And as you consumed the charred bits of my essence
I experienced the kind of freedom
Birthed in a place I never wanted to be

Relinquishing so much of my past, my pain
To have you grow stronger
As I dig my nails into my own flesh
To crawl out of the shadows I, myself, created

And I hear your gentle voice whisper vile commands
The hint of an evil smile as I dutifully acquiesce
Claimed in the darkness found in the corners of daylight
I kept my promise
And you claimed me
Mind, body, and soul

When my demons were quelled
As you slay them
As you bashed them into submission
My knight, in empty armor
My heart, now unbound, became full

Perhaps you believed that my heart would feed your own
But your heart turned to ash
The last time it loved
Still, your monsters were hungry
And my heart was full

You held me in the darkness
Your hand in mine
Keeping my sadness company
Turning friendship into love
'Tis who you are,
Who you hate yourself for being

In that place where your sweetness flows,
Where there is no doubt that you care
Your monsters ate my heart
Consuming chunks of my emotion
And I, having an abundance,
Was grateful for the chance to feed you

But my heart, now full of holes
Still mocked you in its ability to smile
So, you kissed me and held my heart once again
So I  would not drown in my own fear

And I gave you what you always wanted
Mind, body, heart, and soul

And there you were
All the while disgusted
That my promises
Don't feel like your reality
That my heart is more sweet than savory
And that my demons lie dormant
While yours are ravenous
Looking for new prey

The holes in my heart smolder
As I feel that familiar burn
The burn of the birth of new demons

Chained to him
Bound to you
A promise of forever

Logic or passion
Pain will ensue
For I am not that clever

Not enough
To erase the doubt
In everything I do

Distance screams
As silence shouts
All I want is you

In the dark of night
When you're out of sight
But never out of mind
There is a silence
The kind of quiet that
Causes the fissures
In my mind
To swell and widen
Just enough for sanity
To disappear into the abyss
Into the labyrinth
Of a cracked and shattered psyche
In the silence of nothing
Where the world could have ended
As I lay here oblivious
To the truth, the reality
Of the outside world
This place, in the deepest recesses
Of my twisted mind
This is where the waiting
Breeds nightmares
Steeped in the real possibilities
That cause my heart to break
In real time
In the midst of unknowing
Somehow I know
I know something is amiss
The world, my world is off kilter
Just enough to barely notice
To wonder if it is my reality or my shadows
Traversing the cracks in my facade of sanity
Trying to find a way back to peace
Leaves me drained of the desire to breathe
As every breath breaks my ribs
The panting, painful, dry, and useless
As there is no living in this place
That ***** the life out of my eyes
And the stagnant air of what-if out of my lungs
Gasping in vain to **** it in
Because what-if is all there is
In the dark of night
When you're out of sight
But never out of mind