I used to be able to tell you everything
I used to be able to be myself
Now I am struggling to let you in
Now I feel like we´re both someone else

This year has been like a rollercoaster ride
So many lows, so many highs
I've tried to put our differences aside
Just so I wouldn't have to say goodbye

You used to laugh at my jokes
You used to come when I needed you the most
I didn't see the fire through the smoke
You didn't notice I was just a ghost

This time I can´t read your mind
It's been ten seconds, but it seems like an age
It's like painting the rainbow colourblind
How did you end up on a different page?

I used to be able to tell you everything
I used to know you loved me more than words
Now I'm struggling to feel a thing
Still missing us really hurts

26. Februar 2018

He is a fallen soldier
With his uniform torn, and his heart or his sleeve
He looks twenty years older
With is wounds open, ready to bleed

It was not what he thought it would be
Not just justice and bravery
Now he's gone while he's talking to me
His mind keeps returning to imagines he can't unsee

I am sorry, cause I was no comfort
Even when I held you in my arms
Every morning there is so much effort
To wake up, and give the day a chance

It is not easy to save everyone
Though you believed once that you could
Now look at what you have become
Because you were honest and good

He is a fallen soldier
Who woke up while everyone else fell
He is twenty years older
Carrying them all while carrying himself

I´m at a loss for words
I never am
But they fade in front of me
Like they have been written in the sand

You say you´ll write
You say you´ll call
You say everything
And then nothing at all

I´m at a loss for words
Yet I know them my heart
This pen and this paper
Are light years apart

You know I am tired
My hand is aching
I feel each letter
But the pen just keeps breaking

The words used to come alive
Now they are gasping for breath
Sooner or later
There won't be any left

8. Februar 2018

Do you love me?
Do you love me on one condition?
Or one hundred?
Do you love me unconditionally?
Do you love me at all?

Loss is like a river
You stand in it always
And feel it against your skin
Warm, cold and invisible
Rising and falling
But you can never hold it in your hands

Tell me what you see
When you look into my eyes
Do you see who I could be?
Or do you realize
It´s difficult to dream
And make it come to life
Tell me what you see
When you look into my eyes

Tell me what you say
When you listen to the wind
For a moment everything's okay
But there's a terrible storm within
Do you sometimes try
To hold it in your hands
But it's like watching the ocean dry
or keeping the waves upon the sand

Tell me what you feel
When you search your fractured soul
Each memory so real
And impossible to control
Do you follow them
Trying to win the race
Then relive your life again
And see they fall like pieces into place

Tell me what you see
When you look into my eyes
Do you see who you could be?
Or just someone you despise?
Blue can be beautiful
And the young can be wise
The eyes are the window to the soul
And so this poem came to life

5. Desember 2017