all the magic mushrooms and popped pills
all the heart-racing clubs, and sunsets,
laying on dew, high,
seeking out foreign planets.
never amounts to anything.
for any substance
or celestial body
trying to satisfy my soul,
couldn't bring me closer to you.

i should have jumped
they tried to push me over the
edge but I
pulled the thistles that broke through
the desert cracks
and clung to them like a starving child
to a mother
I was starving too.

the hardest thing in waking up
is forgiving who you are
forgetting what you're not
and putting to rest your dreams

my love, the azured skies
they are too bright for me,
it burns my skin
like the pepperspray
of protesters
fighting to walk alone.
when i look down,
my love, at the sand,
bright yellow specks, slowing to dust
my world is turned
upside-down.
cover my eyes, no,
tear them
out with scalding knives,
and i will beg in the streets of
new delhi because
my heart cannot take the view
of both
the merciless world
and you.

the webbed crystal moon,
she is my mother,
she brings her candlelight glow
peaking through the blinds,
through my bewildered eyes.
illuminating the stars in this sundown,
late sundown,
but sundown nonetheless.
saturns rings still glow
miles away
stars, birthed and killed
but she is there

I miss the black hair that you hid under a wool cap,
Or the smoke that left your mouth
and replaced your words.
I miss your silences,
And the gaps I had to fill,
And the hour train ride I took,
Just so there’d be time to ****.

On my way to see you,
filling my body with wine,
and little yellow candies,
I miss the fact that you’d never say anything.

my head is back with you
beside you,
warm on your lonely pillow
of torn cotton and women,

when you grabbed me,
with hands calloused from strings
and steering wheels,
and brought me back to life,
i thought you were god.
i owed you that,
anyways.

and when im floating in our universe,
let the seawater of your body
rush in,
i have nothing but love.