She stood for so many silent minutes staring out that frosted window, replaying each season again in her mind.
  Tapestries of memory swiftly unraveled by such frigid winds.
Ice claws at those swollen eyes with fury but no feeling remains

      So much time has passed since those golden days of spring, when they danced in the firefly's flames
    They trusted the rain....made love in a home of dew and droplets wearing no more than laughter
Soon life went though that rain became storms that swept away those cherished joys

     House became home while secretly lacking the heart within its' foundation
   Hopes hung out to dry in the warmth of the sun returned scorched, little more than ash to hold
Dreams belong in the darkness so together they packed them away for safe keeping.

____________________­______

No longer can she stand alone in the bitterness of winter, such gloom contaminating every facet of existence

     Stolen away the joy and hope that once existed, no more than raw flesh and bone remain

Fast falling from that cliff into the rocks below a sense returns that her spirit's free...


Tidal waves of time had carried those boats to different shores where they returned to she and he
Forbidden mentions of us or we...affections now buried somewhere in some sand...

11:54

A clock glares upon me like the devious desert sun.
How many times have these hands made this voyage?
The sands seem so vastly changed from yesterday

11:55

A single minute vanished in midair so soon
Did that moment matter? Did it mean more than time?
Minutes together create time but alone stand hollow

11:57

Life slips away with this departing time
Still I sit here staring at a comical clock
The unforgiving frozen mess that is my world

11:58

A heavy awareness of time voids its' truths
This clock being watched laughs in secrecy
Moments stolen; memories changed by these hands

12:00

Another day finished and again air is stale
The time has arrived to surrender again
Seconds that will never come again have passed
Minutes that never came will come again today

If I could be the one you want
That song in your soul always on repeat
Just a glance could save my life
Give back my breath and beating heart
Carry these crippling doubts away

If I could be myself for once
That book your heart just can't put down
Just a smile could break my silence
Give back these hands and moving feet
Scare these dripping fears away

If I could be a human being
That movie your spirit knows word for word
Just a truth could set me free
Give back the hope and fading strength
Wipe these shameful tears away

If I could be the friend forever
That call your being waits for all day
Just a hug could ease my soul
Give back these eyes and trembling voice
Take this dying boy away

Sorrow like steel bullets to that solid chest
       Siphoning those restful breaths
    Sprinting bewildered within a concrete jungle
         Scanning for release he needs

Anger like unruly blisters on those soles
       Aching silently from the foundation
    Assaulting the tattered wallpaper
           Awaiting the release he needs

Terror like pungent sweat down that frigid back
       Tinting the hue of his identity
   Trusting sincerely the happiness implied
          Thieving for the release he needs

Hopelessness like the deceiving lull of sleep
      Heaving him again into helpless vulnerability
   Hating vividly every moment undisturbed
           Hurting for the release he needs

Dependency like venom claiming those vicious veins
      Delivering toxic emptiness to the tombs of his soul
   Deemed forever another worthless ******
          Doomed forever to the release he needs

a house stands empty down there
basks under regal halos of the lanterns above
frigid linoleum comforts those frayed and lonely walls
so ******* hollow

a family disappeared back then
abandoning tattered threads of home
joyful days and lovely times no more
so many woes ago

a roof is caving in up there
fighting to spare the wistful floor
rotting hope resigns to death
so jaded with hatred

a house collapsed right there
without the sustenance of a home
heartless remains grab vacant stares
so many end that way

"Battery low, please recharge"
The phone says with fake dignity
Always trying to be brought to life
I simply don't want that for me

"Battery low, please recharge"
A phone seeks a new lease on life
Never quite pleads, more like a demand
But I would just beg for a knife

"Battery low, please recharge"
Stupid phone wants some more fuel
Not ever questioning of it's existence
And that's a fate I see as cruel

"Battery low, please recharge"
The phone is now starting to shout
Unaware it will always be kept from death
Unlike me who found his way out.

This pleasant sparrow was perched upon my windowsill today
      Treetops swayed with her sorrowful, sparrow songs
          I sensed you around me, wrapping me within your warmth
              For those beautiful moments, I was alive.
My little bird departed and I thought of you
      Will she find another welcoming windowsill to rest upon?
          I long for those bittersweet melodies to float in the breeze again
              For one cherished second, I wasn't alone
A broken sparrow lied lifeless on my sidewalk tonight
     The dim light dotting the streets lazily masking the terror in her eyes
         I continued along my stroll, abandoning my metaphoric soul
            For the rest of my time, I will still hurt.

Melody
Harmony
                  Music's Foundation

Rising
Falling
             Empty Sensations

Feeling
Believing
                       Hoping Sincerely

Fighting
Losing
             Suffer Severely

Breathing
Blinking
                               Safely Alive

Walking
Talking
                 Vanishing Drive

Screaming
Crying                      
                       Saying Goodbye

Slipping
Fading
                       Alone To Die

Burn the library to the ground
Assure nothing survives
Take care of that librarian who's trying to change lives.

Please slit her throat from end to end
Bring me that crimson from her chest
She worked so hard to build you up
Make sure she gets her rest

So clumsily she strains herself
To "help" others improve
You better snap that *****'s spine
Don't let that dumb **** move

Crush through her skull
Turn her ablaze
**** on her wretched soul
A worthless friend
Until her end
Helping you reach goals....

Nobody cares about the *****
She's given it all she could
Those efforts simply weren't enough
It's pointless to be good

Dear, feel no pain as she begs not to die
Remember that I'm right
Let's walk away, she knew we would
We've got no time to fight

The bottom line is that she's done
Her existence was merely waste
I don't know why you give a ****
You befriended her in haste

Now take care of this ***** work
And I'll try to return fast
And don't worry, my new best friend
This one will be the last.

Yet another frigid November has found this place
Inconsiderately crawls from the shadows
In a perfect world autumn leaves would fall daily
Instead...this shallow frost attacks that gentle sun
And everywhere darkness chases out those remnants of life
Every year those lonely, barren trees mock me...
I'm a wasteland...

Nothing can be frightening outside of the tundra
The worst passes quickly enough but the good never comes back around
Each frosty breath lingers; grows stale to remind us
Growth is mere mythology in truth
Seasons of change just bring back that despair
I wish people could break free of their circles..
Their cyclical "growth"...that quest for relief
It doesn't exist...

Am I different than yesterday?
The wounds within incessantly ache
That derelict heart skipped those same beats
Burdens of the past bind this soul to the grave
Only the foolish allow the *******
Until a point...  

I'll call this a dissertation although it's a poem.
Days punctuate this essay of the world without meaning
Trivial thoughts on humanity or lack thereof.
The world's deceit is clear without an ignorant lens.

I'll never know myself in the way I once knew you.
I made you my everything and then I coldly walked away
In the darkest silence I hid and watched you die

Why....

I loved you with great strength
        Faithfully.
               Painfully.
I despised myself but cherished you
You were that final breath of hope
I'm suffocating...

I've lost myself again...

Without the serenity of those starry night eyes.
That smile warmer than this desert sun

Hell....my Hell...
Descending into the brimstone that replaced soul.
Still....the will to do that has managed to escape me

I've written my own ending

No magic or whimsy like those found in fables.
No depth or tragedy from those stage plays of past.
Another lonely drop in the devoid sea of "humanity"

You know who you are and I know why I loved you.

Goodbye...

Will you just stop talking?

Stop spreading these lies.

No one wants to listen to your desperate cries

Your distress
Your despair

You still think I care?
******* and go die
That's all that'd be fair.

The devil's been lonely
So he courted my soul
With promise of comfort; that he'll make me whole

We talked through the night
Of our hopes and our dreams
With candlelit dinner, serenaded by screams

I know he's just perfect
And he think's I'm fine
So forever I'll walk with his hand in mine

Skip over all that disappointment
Can't you see me for who I am?
But don't forget that hidden print

Don't judge me...

I can show you each facet of my being...

By disguising the realities of me...

Understanding could be built
Our friendship might have room to grow

But I'm kind of an identity thief.

Does my mirror speak with honesty
With those reflections of my non-existence?

I know my name but do you know yours?

Just forego those dumb conclusions
Expectations are quite archaic

Can't you just commit to all I stand for?
Just look at all I appear to be!
It's nothing of who I truly am...

But please don't care
C'est la vie

Lilac moons still frolicking
In that meadow of your individuality
You smile to yourself your wolfish grin
Because no one else will ever get it...
That rainbow coursing through your veins...
The delicatessen within your mind

It doesn't matter Erin

Secrets for the privileged zombie muffins
Allow your splendid vortex to swirl
Don't keep the cubic wheels of your world from moving
Christmas tree cookie cutters...
Should only be used for baking
Not for defining the shape of humanity

Hatred should stay out of it
Indignation was called off today
You're too special...
And not in that little yellow bus way
You're always on that rocketship of wow

Don't fear the envy of all the others
For your soul burning so brightly within
It still shines throughout you

Just love it...

I watched you grow like a dandelion
But are you a flower or another garden ****?
Make the decision on your own
It's all on you to choose your own adventure now

*Eines Tages wird die Welt dir zuhören...

You've read my words but don't quite see
And now you had to question me.
You don't think I can write a poem
Without my pain or broken home
So here it is, my happy one
A little bit short but absolute fun....

Pretty white girl with that ghetto *****
Pop that *** and drop that ***
And grab your self-esteem off the filthy floor
Those steel bars of indecision
Once made this caged bird sing
Despite her tattered, weakened wings
Those rainbow feathers will lose that shine

Small town girl with a dream of...dreaming
Lose your hollow, bitter past
It left you many moons ago
You're a superstar my ghetto girl
So glimmer and shine and smile with sincerity
The world doesn't need to love you
If you just love yourself...

I've seen you shrinking day after day
But this fading just needs to stop
Mirrors are one-dimensional
But the world has that extraordinary depth
Like you Sabrina

Your tiara has been tarnished
And it's long after midnight o'clock
But you can always be the belle of the ball
It's your party if you want it to be
So stop crying and enjoy it

Swingsets on playgrounds and leaves on dying trees
Shoes that stopped fitting your feet
It all sparks memories

Of happiness I'd hope
Or maybe of deep pain

Of warm and humid summer nights
Or dancing freely in the rain

Inspiring you to travel?
Do they move you to explore?

The darkness of your busy mind
To remember things you can't ignore

Feel the hatred running deep
And the angry fear you couldn't fight
All the weakness once thought stifled
The soul that died yesterday night

Fractured melodies distorting my view
Of that once blissful Augenblick of me and you
Crumbling arias began slipping through
Those once solid walls that I've let shelter so few

These dizzying rhythms that still seem brand new
Keep pulsing like blood, both red and deep blue
Nerve wrecking crescendos swelled as it grew
And like my dead spirit in warmer winds flew

Harmonics with depth shimmer like dew
That lingered that morning like some stagnant clue
Falsettos faltered and tried to stay true
Hoping to remind me of things I once knew

Those things I once knew....

That thing I once knew...

Not fact but not fiction...just simply you...

The boy with the hair...
With that nose on his face!
You've seen him around; he's all over the place!

He smiles and laughs
And we play silly games
And he'd never abandon or call me mean names.

My best friend in the world
He tops off that list
Oh wait, I'm a loser...he doesn't exist.

Can you remember?
I can't seem to open my eyes
My memory keeps playing these stupid games
My brain is immersed in your lies

Will you remember?
I can't seem to find my old voice
My heart has taken control of my world
My soul's wounded by your dark choice

Should you remember?
I can't seem to hold onto that trust
My smile's been creeping back onto my face
My world's been coated by your rust

Can you remember?
I can't seem to get rid of this pain
My feet still take me place to place
My existence was ruined for your gain

I've noticed your shivers
I wanted to offer my warmth
Unfortunately my responsible hands stopped me

I've noticed my foolishness
I tried to keep my poise
Unfortunately my angry feet forced me

I've noticed you're bleeding
I thought of sharing my health
Unfortunately my sympathetic eyes closed tightly

I stood still and watched silently
I wanted to help save you
Unfortunately my resentful soul said no