You're growing fonder of me, I can tell.
But the position I'm in hurts like hell.

I love you.
I really think I do.
It may have always been there, or maybe it's something new.

We have nothing in common, you and I.
And to say I didn't care would be a lie.

We're just brown.
Together, in this white town.
That's the only reason you have me around.

You're cocky and scholastic.
genius and bombastic.

Capable of being more
Than the school system's *****.
I hope you discover all that life has in store.

I love you.
But I hate the things you do.

I don't want to be your mom.
I try hard to remain calm.
Even if I think this path is wrong.

You overt your eyes in the hall
And it drives me up the wall

Your dark hair and dark eyes.
The need for normal will be our demise.
Being brown friends is no compromise.

That's why I'm so ******* you.
Even though I don't mean to.

You're too busy with applications
And pursuing dull aspirations
You're lack of time for love fuels my frustration.

But for now I'll shut my mouth.
Let your plan play out.
I'll find other things for us to talk about.

Like how brown we are.

the music is loud
the lights are blinding
everybody's inside
a moment they're enjoying

some are on the floor
fun games and dancing
some are just alone
observing, looking

one man stares
just from the sidelines
he's looking for a man
that he does not seem to find

he skims through the crowd
scanning every drunk faces
another man turns to meet his eyes
they seem to talk through heated gazes

the man then goes near
an inch separating the two
their lips met in a rush
a whisper of "i want you"

they quickly rent a cab
a ride for them to go home
but the shorter wants a different ride
an enjoyable and wonderful one into oblivion

as they stepped into their warmth
fast as the light they undress
slender fingers kept roaming
minds that do not care less

hair is a mess
bodies are sticky and sweaty
they just made the bed creak louder
louder than one could ever be

black as night
chiseled stone
spirits ramble
orphans roam

lover's eyes
masquerade
9 to 5
come out and play

drop of blood
alabaster
frozen heart
encased in plaster

open mouth
parted lips
shared breaths
sway and dip

swish and flick
atmosphere
moody blips
no need to fear

stormy skies
vivaciousness
gentle touch
tenacious kiss

cotton candy
flushed and wild
sapphire eyes
mother's child

wide grin
break apart
fleshy dawn
beating heart

rotting horse carcass.
green glowing filament by moonlight ******
& mistrust us.
radioactive drums of waste &/or dreams.
boys swimming.

fistfights at night
by headlight & tooth crackle. (spit) then bonfire pallets
lit & danced upon.
plumes
of gas-can outcries.

the days & abuelitas
& ghosts
pinched cheek - pinched cooler - grandaddy
on the grill.
his gasping yellow dogs.

judy is in the underbrush with a walkie-talkie
& a p.b.j.
desmond leaps from high rocks; he
descends into another world by way of molecular-mishap.
dove deep.
riding the portal boar.

wasps hover above spilt wine
& declare war upon brothers with b.b. guns
& firecrackers
& spf 50+. the saturday/sunday sagas
between beams of heat laughter breakdowns
to knees, to bees,
honey.

homecoming queen dead & wrapped
in plastic.
body found with
turtle bites.
fungi.
the slabs of granite.
old iron tractors bent & held by tree wives.
toast.
jam hewn hwedges of crisped bread.

i am a home for ghosts. they
believe
they are something else, something better, disguised
as the moon or clean sheets or milk

cloudy saliva,
boys dripping down my spine.
they cling to me until my ghosts escape

and enter through their ears, i am busy emptying
them from my stomach.

sometimes swallowing
feels like downing wet concrete that should be used
to build a tombstone – sometimes
boys who
try to fill me up never get a chance to leave.

we try to hang ourselves from our hair
holding hands
imagining
them shatter to broken bones

knowing that
this is something we should not be doing, me &
boys.

we deserve to have
our guts slip out from unnatural holes,
throats that my ghosts made it seem like we touched
slashed but not aching

because he and i imagined the entire thing.

i see
his body still thin as a stem
that even a ghost could fracture

and paint lies in blood all about lost love. and still
no one asks
                             if
it is me that is doing the haunting.

There are no words to describe what's come over me.
Waves of emotions   crash  
dragging me down    to drown.

I struggle to suppress the pain,
        to not give into it.

Icy liquid,
a brilliant blue     wraps    itself around my body.

Tears burn my eyes
stinging   with   salt.

I give up allow myself to drown.
Sinking fast,  tears    choke    me.

My thoughts are annoyance,
buzzing constantly....

I let it drift away,
no one can save me...
I let them drift away....

I sink
    suffocate
           my weakness disgusts me.

I'm to tired to fight,
to hurt to care anymore.

I give into water.

Consume me,
take me to the ocean floor and drown me.
I offer you my life.

I give into water.