When I start bleeding
Through my shirt
They ask:

"What happened?!"
"Did you cut yourself?"

I know they mean:
"Did you cut yourself ON ACCIDENT?"

But I just say
"Yes" anyway

And don't bother explaining
That it wasn't an accident.

To reassure me
You utter softly
                    "Just think of me
                     As a cookie
                     You've been dying to eat"
...
I'm nervous
My hands are shaking
When I place them on your knees

Sure
I've tasted hard lollipops before
And they were easy to take in my mouth
As my lips formed around them.

But I've never had a sugar cookie
Quite like this before
With a goddess
Quite like you

Your voice is calm
Collected
But weighed down
Over the sound of my panting
As your fingers tangle in my hair
                    "Relax"

My body twitches with excitement
Anxiety
Because I want to please you
But I don't know how

I lean forward anyway
And lick away some of the frosting
You moan
And I know you taste sweeter than ever.

I am....pretty.
I am....smart.
I am....kind.
I am....funny too,
but.....I'm not...her.

I am your friend.
I help you in all things.
I put you first.
I make you laugh too,
but....I'm not...her.

I will never be what you want.
I will always be lacking.
I will always be your friend.
Wasting my life waiting for your love.
but...it will never come.

I am strong....
I am worthy...
I am enough...
I'm happy too...
and....I am loved...by me.

the thing about me
is that I crave intimacy.
but I've grown up in this way
of believing that two people can never really connect
when there's fabric between their bodies
so I part my lips,
and I kiss your skin,
desperate to feel like I am part of something.
I listen to our breaths
and feel our bodies synchronize,
reaching out with my mind,
hoping somehow it'll mingle with yours.
But two souls can't connect
when it's just another, "****."
and when I open my eyes,
I allow guilt to settle in
vulnerable and naked,
with remnants of burning fingers on my skin.