Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
my two best friends that have been there since i was 10
They are the kind of friends that you want to leave, but they always are there
anxiety is what saved my life, while depression almosted killed me
i want both of them to leave, it's either one leave and the other becomes unbearable
i wish i was alone, but not alone in my own head.
i will post more poems like this so i can see if it helps with my anxiety
  Jan 2016 Javanira Waters
Jordan
She had a dark soul,
That brought out the galaxies in her eyes,
And every time she looked up at me,
It was if I began to float up into her skies,

On my way up,
Her delicate cool breeze sent chills up my spine,
But I never understood why all I felt was warmth,
When she softly pressed her lips against mine,

When I'm with her, everything freezes,
I seem to forget all concepts of time,
All I want to do is dive deeper,
So to new heights I climb,

I'm intrigued by her unknown,
The places no one has touched before,
The darkest corners that she keeps hidden,
The ones she tries so hard to ignore,

The longer I spend exploring,
The more her universe draws me in,
And the more I stay mesmerized,
When I gently trace the constellations
That surface on her pale skin,

She says she feels numb,
From years of keeping within herself,
Weightless and empty,
But I know she's just shutting out all the hurt,
Isolated and lonely,

I want to always be with her and for what it's worth,
I don't think all the gravity in the world,
Would be strong enough to pull me back down to earth,

I want to be enveloped by everything that she is,
All my fragmented parts suspended in her infinite bliss,

But she warned me that she let go of her heart long ago,
And now it's lightyears away,
No matter how hard I tried I could never catch up,
So I guess I was never really meant to stay.
In loving memory of Michelle Verasmende
Javanira Waters Jan 2016
I lost myself
The demons took over
I couldn't stop crying
Each of my wounds were open once again
They ripped them apart showing them to everyone
They laughed in my head saying how pathetic  I was to fall for another girl
No one is suppose to love me back
No one is suppose to deal with the madness I call my thoughts, or the insanity I call my mind
No one as perfect as you is suppose to be with someone like me
Now that's insanity
But I have you and I'm trying really hard to not scare you away with the battle wounds I now posses
Not the ones that are on arms but the ones you can see through my eyes
You can see the regret and pain in them from past choices
I don't want you to leave
The thoughts are quiet when you're around and the demons leave me alone
It's like they know I can only be happy around you
And they don't want to disturb that happiness
I use to say living inside my mind was safer because it felt like home
I was wrong
I've never felt safer in anything else than in your arms
You're my home, and I don't want you to leave
Javanira Waters Nov 2015
things are blurry
I can't think straight
thoughts are bouncing off the walls
I'm losing my mind
make it stop
I need you here
why aren't you here
where did you go
why did you leave
when are you coming back
the thoughts are filled with you
you
you
you
I ****** up didn't I
I ****** up
I'm sorry
please come back
it's all I want
I want things to be okay again
are you okay
is the night treating you well
are you ever going to come back
why did I say that
why did I have to **** things up
I can't function without you
I'm trying not to cry
it's hard
it's hard to catch my breath
my lungs are collapsing
my throat is closing
my eyes are covered by unfallen tears
make it stop
is this what death feels like
I'd rather be dead than feel like this
I'd rather be in your arms
I'd rather things be okay
but they're not
I'm sorry
please come home
I worry about you
I worry something bad will happen
please I'm sorry
I didn't mean it
I was mad
I never should've said it
I'm gasping for air
I'm holding on
I'm a piece of nothing
a piece of ******* ****
my body is heavy
my heart is panicking
my lungs won't inflate
my mouth is wheezing
my mind is in a state of insanity
I keep writing
nothing seems to be working
you're not back yet
what if you're hurt
what if you're crying
what if I ****** up for good this time
I can't lose you
I can't contain these thoughts
I'm experiencing insanity
I keep thinking the same things
over and over again
hoping for a change
hoping you'll come home
but you won't
you won't
you won't
you won't
I miss you
I love you
I'm sorry
i ****** up one night and this was the outcome
Javanira Waters Jun 2015
Darling, you are:
The oxygen in my lungs,
The thoughts that cloud my mind,
The blood that streams in my veins.

But then you left.

So won't you come back again?


Bring air that fills my lungs.
Bring yourself into my thoughts.
Bring feeling to my fingertips.

Without you in my life I'm:
Breathless,
Mindless,
Numb.
Javanira Waters Jun 2015
I am depression.

I am the emptiness you feel at 2am.
The tears with no meaning.
The pain when you smile.

I don't come alone.
I bring my closest friends.
We are the scars that cover your body.
The voice you despise,
But soon learn to trust.

I am the only thing you will feel.

A feeling when numb, it hurts even worse.
Next page