To the girl in the back of the class, headphones blasting waiting for your day to be to be over, and hoping tomorrow won't be the same. I just want you to know something, I understand.
I understand that when you tend to get quiet, it's because everything that you hold captive inside is slowly consuming you from within. I see the scars you wear from the restraint you had, keeping you from truly being happy. I notice the pain you wear on your sleeve, covering up won't make it unnoticeable to my eye baby girl I see it all and I'm here to help. The wonders you bring to the world, and you don't even know it. You are the action potential to my neuron, sending me messages through space and time that can only be picked up at certain levels. Levels that are off the chart, and beyond many limits. I just want you to see the spark that you have, because it's greater than any star in any galaxy in a land far far away. And if you need a shoulder to cry on, just know you can count on me any day. For I am a hand, and you are its Palm. Soft and sensitive, with a tough layer of protection from it getting hurt. In this I ask of you to pick your head up, and hold your chin high and learn grace. Stop existing in this space we call life and live. Live to the capacity of your worth, and teach your knowledge to those in search of enlightenment. Bind your foot to your mind, so you can know what it is like to step inside of a dream, but bring a mirror to make it a reality. Because seeing is believing, and it is all you need for things to be true. Take this journey to find the key to your heart, and unlock it to find your passions, and remember, in order to get to the ending there is always a new beginning waiting to happen.

I am slowly learning to enjoy every moment; but I am well aware that this today will very quickly become the past joining the club of history full of yesterday's as time flies and I'm not quite sure why I'm still here. Begging the question of If I'm living or easily existing taking in the pressure of a target prepared for aim. And it's a shame that not a day passes where death does not cross my mind like a shooting star it will not go unnoticed but written in the books preserved for the ones keeping an eye on me, not quite close enough. Because the glare of their moon shaped eyes isn't sharp enough to keep up with knives cutting through  my life and I truly want to stop. Stop the scars, disguised as areas for pain to be released. Instead they become homes to open wounds where I am drained of life...

It is now 1:27 in the morning, the time where the tick tock time bomb begins. The time where I know exactly how I feel, but can't seem to show it. Wanting to share my pain, but you don't know it so I stare into the corner of my room where  an inch of moonlight makes his way through the darkness and I stand, looking down into the area of light with the mirror image of my shadow facing in my direction. My reflection, a soul captured silhouette screaming for help but no sound can be heard....

Rewind

Instead they become homes to open wounds where I am drained of life..and although I'd rather die right now, I hope that my cell phone rings and it's you reminding me of the things that I have and the moments that we share. But that never happens, so i sit there playing a game of death or dare where my own life is on the line. And I'm running out of time to decide on what to do. It's now a quarter till two because by then I just close my eyes and go back to sleep usually but right now I feel weak not numb, but useless. Just destructive, and abusive. Truly wanting to know what the strength of a noose is.

Every night I dream of swimming, but this time it was different. I’ve been caught inside a wave, I begin to drown. My legs are tied to an anchor and I’m finding my way closer to the bottom of the sea. I yell for help, knowing no one can hear my cries. I begin to look up and see the people I love watch me as I suffocate wanting to gasp for air, but life swallows me whole. Every morning at 3 am, I am at war with my mind while you are asleep. Balancing between life and death searching for a way out of limbo. But the waves get bigger, and the tides come in harder. I remember the one time I went to the beach, and all I ever wanted to do is be the king of the ocean. So I built sand castles to the best of my knowledge, conquering my skills. But the tides of the waters continued to crush my creations. Knowing this would happen, I still became frustrated unaware that I was supposed to be learning a lesson about life. Where life was the ocean, turning into a tsunami and I was the castle being torn down and taken back. I begin to drown again. And when my lungs fill with water, it feels like a knife being jammed into my ribs and I am bleeding. I start to become cold and numb. I run to think that maybe I deserve this, maybe I am fault so I begin to give up. In that very moment I notice my position continues to get deeper, I gasp for my last breath and I am only letting the salt water run through my veins drowning me from the inside out. And I am being crushed by the pressure, it becomes unbearable. This is my life, everyday I suffer with this, and I know that you will not be able to walk a mile at the bottom of the sea in my shoes. Every night before I go to sleep, I tell myself it is okay to let go and be done, but I cannot leave the ones I love to suffer at the expense of my doing and my wrongs. I will not stand to be that selfish. My eyes begin to close and I knew this was it. My days are over, this time I was not waking up from this dream. But then something happened, and I was not prepared. As soon as I let go, I let God. Tears begin to rush down my face. He gave me breathe once more, giving me life again. Letting me know that He will not let His creation go to waste that easily. He told me that He did not create me to give up, but believe and live by Him. He lifted me up and showed me the way back. He taught me to love myself, and to never feel alone and left filling me in that I am never alone and that He will always be there with me. In a blink of an eye, He was gone but there at the same time. Now, I do not dream about swimming anymore but flying, wings spread out knowing I will not fall, because as long as I believe and never let go I can conquer it all.

Dear american, I am a 19 year young soul in a vessel that does not belong to myself, but with my exterior, you would say is of the lesser and I understood the immediacy of you putting a target upon my head, and let me announce this to you now that I am not infuriated by this. Why must we still live in a time that as a young black man, I have to work twice as hard to live up to standards your own was never meant to climb up in order reach the bar for. As a young black man, why should I be ashamed of my own intellect, wanting to disguise it by ignorance or to impress you with the dribbling of a ball or the handling of a mic? Dear America, my great grandfather did not have a middle school education, but even in the least that does not make him "another dumb"_" rephrase, an uneducated person, for the work he knew how to do with his hands makes up for those years missed, and the hands of a man like his tells a story your own great grandfather could never tell. To this day I still look up to him, for he had class, he had knowledge, he had wisdom he had God. He had God! Dear America, I will not sell myself short of my dreams just to become another number of your system. Dear American, I wonder if one day you'll understand. The hands that I have to offer you, will not share what my grandpas had. But my brown eyes will tell you mystory. My skin brown skin will tell you our story. My presence will alert every one of you the moment I succeed, you will frown at the thought of another successful black man. Ashamed of your own son, because he let another young black boy beat his own rank. Dear America, why must you be the police of the world when you cannot face your own issues at home? Dear America, I write you this letter in hopes that it Speaks to you. Dear America, I am not afraid. Dear America, I will stand my ground. Dear America, my hands are still held high. Dear American, I wonder how I made it to the end of this poem, because I still can't breathe. Dear America, why have you put the fear in our mother's eyes allowing them to believe that if their sons do not obey you, we can be here one second and gone the next? Dear American, do you realize that this message I am unraveling is too real to go unnoticed? Dear American, do you see that my message is too hard to make up? Dear America

With you, I don't have a fear of falling...out of love that is. I can't imagine having just enough of you to just settle me. I wake up into space, were matter consumes me as a whole and my mind is gone. Putting matter over mind where everything is out of order, I begin to hallucinate this perfect picture of us painted in my head. I've overdosed on the thought of you, things become clouded as I begin to frustrate myself. You create a civil war, where I am my own enemy fighting for the same thing leaving me where I started. Alone. Where there is no one to sympathize for the void of my frontal presence, because it is now controlled to you. Every action made by the jurisdiction of your ruling but you are clueless to it all. You said, "take my hand." And I went for it. Giving into the misinterpretation of your subconscious flirtation. You took me for a ride and all I followed was every curve your hips made. Hypnotized. You're the only thing I feel I must acquire. Becoming all I know. Eventually, I feel a shock sending me further away from you. stimulating erosion of the captivation, I am no longer held captive under your spell. You become nothing I know  wide awake, out of my mind. Floating where I seen you, and now I don't. An illusion, taken apart like a puzzle stitched together. Broken bonds, and I am back. And I am right back where I was. I've had enough of your drug. And I don't need you anymore.

Someone like you, I want to be able to share to the world as my own. Standing a bit over 5 feet above the ground, you carry so much power in that vessel you wear protecting a soul with a capable heart which you show transparently. Letting the world know your true colors, adding this beautiful mosaic of your once blank canvas, and it grows in value creating a price of priceless, where no one can claim to wager a soul like yours. Blessed with a gift, where all you are able to do is share it, but refrain from abusing your individuality at the same time as remaining a queen where you sacrifice it all, reminding others it's not about you, but it is for them. And that is what we need, in this spherical planet which breeds life that we call earth.

I wish for someone like you to be the one I can share to the world as my own. Your presence lights up a room filled with nothing but darkness and ugly, giving birth to illuminance of something which presented no value or any worth. But you shown to us the beauty of it all.

Blessed would be the one you marry for a strong woman is eternity and something all men should acquire. Just keep in mind that hearts are somewhat like a blanket, keeping you warm, but if you leave it somewhere else you cannot claim it as your own anymore.

So, wear your powerful heart, but keep it out of the reach of others, and create a sphinx to be the keeper of your divinity where only the first to solve the riddle earns a piece of you. Not giving them the power of owning you, but the ability to call you theirs. For your are a white dove amongst a crowd of black crows in search of something new, something pure and special. Finding someone like you.

I can't stand up here and tell you a story, but I can bring to the surface a conversation meant to stay between myself and you. It's seems like we've been through this time and time again, but it makes sense since I can look at the pendulums swaying like hips of a woman with curvature added to her body when it comes to a stop and there is no more click to it's predecessor toc. It is time to bring these words into inception with me knowing there is no deception of me sharing this connection that I have with you. You've gained a trust of a lost soul waiting to be found. A lost soul, who needed comfort and a keeper who would be the equator to his heart showing him who he is. A lost soul in need of a father, because his wasn't there to play catch in a field instead he would be happy behind bars or in the streets getting money to share with those who weren't his, yet have 3 kids who he did not make his priority making this lost soul wonder what it is to be a man. Because he had no guide to show him right from wrong, but you shown him how to love and gave him comfort over the years where all he needed was another lost soul with a life like his yet different in the mass of issues surfaced by the tensions which lacked a description in the beginning. But to him, it was okay, for he knew one day you would soon sprout too. He would make it his duty to know you better than he could ever imagine. He had hope, and had different intention now then he did then. And all he wants to say now is a nice little thank you, and he loves his forever best friend.