Our Legacy is created when she,
Welcomes me then,
accepts me, letting me in.
Into the palace of all beings.
Where she, then,
Bathes me,
in a wonderful warmth
And she, loves me, she,
Makes me feel amazing,
She is so special,
Makes me so very grateful.
I spill forth and I am let free.
A ritual becomes complete
When she, then Following the pleasure,
She makes real now,
The very Proof to,
Everything, Legacies,
She creates this,
She is the way of things
Later it is felt,
and then later is seen,
She carries our future, she
Gives us our future,
Her gift is our treasure,
creation we will soon see.
Deeply beneath is the treasure,
She keeps safe, she carries,
A bid for kinds future,
she writes our next chapter,
One day she cries out,
She bleeds and provides all,
that ever should matter,
She births a Legacy,
A child arrives in laughter,
Made by her made by me
The way it’s always been.
Pray forever it shall be
As is the way to everything.
It is everything. Everything.
She is our Legacy.
With out her we won't be.
It is everything that matters,
Our Legacy, Comes from she.

"Hi! How are you?"

I start with a lie:  "I am good." Each and every single time.  


Why?  Because of the truth?  Fear of my hidden yet all too real feelings?  Shame?

or,

A practiced wish?  Longing?  

If I say it enough it might come true?

I hate to lie.  but each time I do.

Toxicity in emotions
Bourne ******* feelings
Results of low self love
Minus a narcissist love
Hinge pinned reason for
Everything worth living
Incubation by loss
Losing egos pretty match
Sauteed in pride too great
Heeps of wasted time
Soaked in poetry lines
Line after line of go away
Bowl after bowl of get going
Pile on four more
To ten grinding years
If all this leaves only
Me.  Regrets. Holding Nothing.

Tried at this
Sharing
Wool like sweaters
Warmth
Perspective scoping vantage
To find inconclusively
Life is lived conscious
But mostly
Busy and rushed
Lived either way

would have all of me
No doubt all of us.
everything,
turns out tomorrow,..

Proof will come
to surface
To be shown,
What, if all,.. if
not all,..
To be
If any of,..
like minded,
endless,
Optimistic reason.

is so to come
Then to become,
if we
miss
our way,
and though
untouched
Avatars
of our imaginations
of these
even
Is brought to us
Made then
her body
So lovely.
over
mine I beg,
And suffer
virtual longing
Hopes of
Out meeting.
The valid
potential found
In every wavelength.
Made up
of
And brought by
The first light
inches, miles,
light
minutes,
years
A borne universe
inclined
to hold its
secrets

Unexpected, eyes wide,
always finding time, for you
when you are around,
the muted world, its gray shade
doesn't seem so real.
Colors follow You...
As you move through  this place,
my eyes make time, for you...
Those times our eyes meet,
I am reintroduced to a place,
one so long ago taken away
full of light, and hues
every color so deep I might fall endlessly within
All of them clean, brilliant,
inspiring my eyes to see again
my mind to believe again,
my eyes, each time, every time
Find time for you,
like the colors you bring
my eyes follow you.

My words,
full of thought
Laced with emotion,
Quiet whispers
trailing off,
But not,
When right now,
Feels just
Like shouting out
Into the open
The Still
Darkness and uncaring
Pitch black end,
My heart asking
Are you even listening?

To Live; Am i not?

Capable; So i try, desperately.

Caring; Why then so few friends?

Genuine; smiling hides the way i am.

Loving; gets you in the end.

Grateful; For all i have not?

Honest; unless it's to myself

Confident; if insecurities were not.

Trusting; but what if i get hurt?

Devoted; to protecting the fragile heart I've got

Imperfect; this i agree on whole heartedly.

Content; to waste the way i am?

Unique; no better from it.

Gifted; i guess if that's what you believe

Open; to never getting hurt again.

Yourself; still searching.

Deserving; of?

You are; this list above?

Believing; ...

Lettering all encompasses
every degree my heart bleeds
My head against paper remembrance
The emotions my blanket
Press against as I drift away
All those lines pressing in
To devour  what I left behind
Come dawn and once more my return
Thy shell infused again
I will still miss you.

Lost outside,
the inner most feelings,
Of the heart,
As is it's nature,
I want what it wants,
Unable to forget,
What once was, now not,
Lost outside,
her hearts warmth.
The life I leave on the other side,
a door, shut, locked tight...
the hardest part,
of hiding,.. always hiding.
My self,.. my sin,.. my sickness,..
and it is, mine.
This is addiction,..
keeps secrets, steals away,..
the love and all joy.
Neatly swept away,..
All things worthy,
Every good thing,...
Keeps from me,..
outside,.. away,.. always.
I,.. stay,.. stay
wanting, what's on both sides
though one is all that finds me
the fullness of my attentions.
Safely,.. Rightly,..Denied Me.
Locked Away..

Lonely you
Stare up
Alone in the dark
Listening too.
A lonely soul song,
Playing out,
A melody,
Lonely thoughts.
The singer knows.
Unfamiliar, yet,
Both so similar,
Affecting you tonight.

Rewind.
Yeah.
It seems like,
The rhythm of the drums.
Yeah,
It feels like,
The Guitar being plucked.
Yeah,
Feels just like,
A spotlight upon you.

Lonely too,
And the words,
They define you.
The lonely souls song,
Cries beside you.
The singer knows.
Like you,
He tried too.
Now there is a hole,
That is where “we” died.
The lonely soul song.

Rewind.
Yeah.
It seems like,
The rhythm of the drums.
Yeah,
It feels like,
The Guitar being plucked.
Yeah,
Feels just like,
A spotlight upon you.

I am a problem yet mastered
Admittedly difficult
Too old to be flawless
Younger then if parted
Never vowed to nor for
Best man runner up
More than one chosen
I can be great but I'm not
I'm this way, this place
Too broken and not worth it
I'll probably never be the one
For any I come to love
I'll bore or circle talk away interest
I will die like this.  
Lonesome.

Upon imaginary wings,
Three beats beneath
Creation's favor
As lovely as You are
Truest green, your eyes,
Armoring
the secrets,
unique reasons
You smile, isn't for me
As lovely as I let you be
As lovely as I allow
Given wings,
You above, Me
Behind, beneath
Use these eyes for once
See what I can find
what needs belief
I believe because its you
you can be something
little or as grand
As I want from you
Someone pure
Unique to a world
offered up to you
your beautiful face
As I gaze up
to you, my new heaven
As lovely as I will never be.

You can make me look
You made me look
I will not lie or refuse you
Do need,  do you want me to?
So certain aren't you?
So make me look at you.
I will,  but one thing before you do.
It might be just this once.
I could learn this trick if I do
And if I do,  I'll steal it from you
You'll never hold this gaze again
Will have to stare at me hoping
I choose to look back at you
You won't blink,  if you do...
Now this could mean I never do
Honestly,  I've seen my share of you
The ones that feed off of the needs
Of those willing, or too clueless
To only need or ask or force another
Though they may be the one
Afraid to blink and only wishing
Fully intending to take from then forget

Here it lays since
Fixed still a fixture
Every day that followed
The hand that wielded
Let such prize slip
Lifeless and defeated
To rest outside ages
And indeed ages passed
A single crack telling
One timid ray that crept
Marking the days
As seasons came and went
Layered in the settled dust
And destined to this tomb
The end to the era of promise
The death of magic

A little spec of dust
Casually drifting
Floating, bathed in sunlight
Falling lightly
To a gentle rest then
Upon my heart
Right there
On a shelf cluttered
Alongside pride
Ego and reason.
Bottled tears, volatile
Layered in the dust
Of the forgotten
Magic that is her attention

I can see
these
Things I want
Thoughts
Tricky as they be
Trail off.
Manifestation lost.
Hard use of
This abusive need
And thoughts cost
I see these things...
I will not give up.

I can't wake from this living dream
The way I only seem capable
Hiding the gravity that is She
Inwardly denying I am hiding
Loss that profoundly causes
Creates folly and time to reflect
I am unwanted longed after not
Only longing, to never hold then
Again as I move motionless
Present only in the memory of when
Never coming again the way
I peel open my Inward prison

Melancholy Me,
even when in treatment.
Hit like do the waves against the cliffs face.  
Almost myself,
the inkling concept whispering
Almost.  Almost.
self inflicted, taste familiar

My own sick habit, or need unwanted
why I force myself,
to the place,
below, inside to the embrace
weak, true to my form

Knowing only this way.
that facet, the path that
leads me, calls me irresistably
Pulling to melancholy

Down, deep, worn
to my misery never earned
in the torment undeserved.  

Why?
When almost. Almost.
normal and Me.
Trying
Trying.

Me, I’m not the same
Not the enemy
Not to blame
Me, I’m not a lover
Not a friend
I’m not that man
Not in touch
Me, I am nothing
Maybe today I am
Maybe,
I am anything but,
Noticed
Me, I'm not seen
Not lost,
I am clueless, foolish
Me, I am surrender
Truly meant to be
Me, I am always
An ending to a chapter
Maybe, I am not
Might be I turn out, maybe
For me, I will always be
Just that,
Maybe.  That is me.

And I'm always tired,
 Not a lack of desire,
 It's just I'm so **** tired.
 Yeah, I'm Always tired,
 I feel down...
 Down, Down, Oh so down,
 Yeah I guess I'm feeling middle aged...
 And that's the way it is.
 Peek a long past,
 My prime in photographs...
 Believe me I am trying,
 He sent me I'm dying,
 No we can't be...
 things can't be,..
 So f hot...
 Impulsive,
 Only f a lot,
 No it's just so ******..
 Quick to Let you down
 Even when I don't wanna.
 Middle age man that's my dilemma...

A little less heavenly grey
Tickling the wayward layman
Inticed through and through
Though thought comes exponential
A stark contrast to the fabric maiden
No flesh to be held as fragrance teases
To unending yearning brightly ignites
Very raNdom mind pours these lines
From and for my boredom
Whilst ou on the devices blink confused
Sorry if I wasted you time..
Goodbye then.

There she is,  with two of me
Yes,  two...
They are going to fight
Like they always do...
Will i be understanding?
Caring and gentle with my words?
Or will I bring more unwanted unstoppable, jagged hours of separation...
No calls, texts, off of the grid
that's close and adds fuel to her uneasiness, she doesn't need this
More than half sees and all of me hates
The waits I put her through.

"Dreamt of Murky Waters"


                                                       ­                       I have this dream
                                                           ­     In which  
                                 I am a wanderer
                                                        ­                            Dark streams,
                                                        ­ of murky water
                                   washing over.

                                                          ­                          No moon,
                                                                ­     nor stars
                             do force any boundary.

                                                      ­                             Eaten completely,
                                                     ­            pitch Black,
                                                       empty,..
                               The sky above
No means by which
                               To measure this
                                                          Th­e endlessness of time
                       Here is only the cold
                                                         Only the unforgiving

                                                    ­                             Currents flowing
                                                         ­                            Life’s murky waters
                                Endless,
                                              forever,
                                                           pouring
                                                         ­              Out of control
    Constantly pulling
                                   My head slips under
                                                           ­            Tired of fighting
                                                        ­                       I learn to let go
                                              
                                                  Sinking
                                                          beneat­h
                                                                ­    ever more
                                                            ­              Towards darkness
                                                        ­                         Inescapable abyss
                                                           ­              To unknowns below
                  
                            Into the resting place
                                                           ­    To life’s secret

                                              The true meaning of it all
                                                             ­ 
                           Letting go,
                I give myself
         I am welcomed
back home

I have this ability,
Inside,
Within my very being...
A Gift?..
Talent...
A Skill, Yes...
Worthy of Honing.
This, my craft
I've come to love.
But it is so much more,
Much more,.
You may call my way
However you believe it to be...
But I hold it's secret.
See it for what it is,..
and it is Amazing,
It is Ancient, and Limitless...
To me, the one that wields it,
this blessing?.. I see, incredible things.
I alone, my inner eye,..
Then of nothing, shall I create something,..
Seen til this moment,...
By me, and me alone.
Now, made real by my magic,..
Physical, Real,..
Mysterious spells, and enchantments cast
upon, into, over and through it.
imagination, emotion, heart and soul,..
Do you see?... Gaze upon my artwork...
Inside of you, and you, and me...
Strings, and I manipulate, maneuver, Agitate,..
I Soothe, I sympathize, I celebrate,...
Surrendering myself, entirely,
I make each piece,..
These spells are made of every color.
Potions stirred into impossible textures.
Subject matters,..
Please Judge.
Please Critique,
Please, please, pretend
to know my reasons,..
I see the awe
See the hidden wonder...
what state of mind must mine be indeed.
See the cloth that made me,
Makes everything!
I am destined,
I have heard my calling...
Bottom, to Top,..
Roots, up,...
In love with my calling.

List my choices.
Even those,
I've in haste chosen.
Then won't you?
Show me,
My many imperfections?
Please, please,
Force my eyes open!
Play these.
I'll remember...
Ask me,.. Why?
I'm so rotten.
If you bait me,
maybe...
I will speak?
I'll come clean?
It might be,
Forever,
My Confession

She stared down at the silhouette
As it rushes up to meet her.
She made no noise, she didn't scream
Her broken wings trailing behind.
All she seemed to think
was nothing would save her
And she didn't care.

One day will change the way
I see my world, my fate and my hurt
Come to new terms
And eyes that try, as hard as mine
Suddenly find Me,
No more hiding, denying
Trying to protect,
the little I thought I had left
When inside is all that was needed
the right light
I find it though in those eyes
welcoming, hearts sacred sunshine.
Emotionally climbing,
out of these walls of my own design

I wish not...
To harbor these vessels.
For I know
In those holds is sickness.
Crates of longing
Often opened, empty.
Barells upon barrels
Of jet black loneliness
Forever splashing, unsealed, seeping.
So like my dreams
These ships of her navy.
Christened with shades of she
"Lost Love", "my One", "my only", 
"nevermore", "ever after"...
They set no sail
Anchored securely off my shores.
Out of reach
Yet constant in presence.
Seeking no barter, no passage...
No plunder.
Ghostlike they haunt
All of what I most want.
And dreams like mine
Always calling
Taunting those black sails
In windless waters
Embracing no breeze
Only serving to open old wounds
My spyglass weeps
Fixed on yesterhorizons
Where gone and do go
Phantoms and shades
My sea of regrets. 
Jfehlmann