This bottle is my baby
This smoke is my lady
These rhymes are my therapy
Need my shades just to see
My eyes stay low
A soul you couldn't possibly know
The word rehab makes me laugh
My self-medication helps me with my craft
At this point in my existence
I lack any sort of persistence
It might as well all be gibberish
Honestly if I had one wish
It would be to never gain my sanity
Because I already lost faith in humanity
So this craziness keeps me somehow hopeful
These substances make me vocal
Breaking the levee to let the words cause a flood
My own thoughts and emotions boil my blood
I could never aptly describe this concept
Even after years of searching I'm inept
This person isn't even slightly reminiscent
Of who I once was and is now so distant
I am a shadow a ghost
Afraid of what I desire most
My effort has only ever shattered me
Beaten, broken, and battered me
Though silence accomplishes very little
I am stuck somehow here in the middle
Of constant outbursts and pure withdrawal
As is the definition of my constant fall
Into depression and anxiety
Only worsened by 'sobriety'

Incense and candle wax
Roaches and hookah haze
**** my panic attacks
Numb me into a daze

Guitar strings and piano keys
Gentle breeze and rustling trees
Whispering secrets to my soul
Filling the void patching the hole

Skinny jeans and baggy shirts
Long hair and gentle skin
It heals all of my hurt
The environment I am safe in

Your eyes and soft subtle smile
Content to just stay for awhile
Let my fingertips dance along your arms
Unaware of notifications and ringing alarms

This is my Heaven my Nirvana
My heart talking not the marijuana
You are my drug without the crash
Each passing moment gone in a flash

With you every second is a lifetime
Each one worth repeating
These are simple lines put in rhyme
I just want to feel your heart beating

Girl you've got me crazy
Heart racing and head hazy
With thoughts of "I love you"
Could you ever love me too

I want you to warm my soul
Please come make me whole
I want to warm your heart
Never let anything tear us apart

These are such silly feelings
That seem to fill my head
They send me reeling
Remind me of passionate words I've read

I only wish I was half as eloquent
Or brave enough to say
The words I know I really meant
Maybe the time will come one day

Until then I sit here and write
Amused by my own anxiety and nerves
It's just another late and lonely night
Sitting here wishing I could trace your curves

There's too much in me to get out
I don't expect you to know
What all of this is really about
All I can do is try to show
My deepest and most serious intentions
I don't expect you to understand
All of this pain and all of this tension
Life has far too many demands
For me to try to comprehend
So I search and I wander
Looking for the means to meet the end
But all it does is continue to make me ponder
Why I continue to do this
What's the purpose?
How do I get through this?
Is it worth it?

I can't quit it
I can't forget it
I'll admit it
I've been at if for a minute
Playing a game and trying to win it
No matter how I spin it
This is who I am
Without any plan
This is the man
That through it all emerged
After traveling a road that diverged
My demons have been purged
These paths are not paved in gold
Though I walk through the cold
It all seems so old
For every time I fell
For every story I tell
For every single hell
I struggled to make it through
It was all that I could do
To come out as someone new
A few more tears a few more scars
Yet I am still gazing at stars
Daydreaming of things so bizarre
An image in my head a smile on my face
My troubles all vanish without a trace
Knowing all the while that this is my place
I have been broken, beaten, and burned
In all of this I have learned
Love is not given it is earned

In the end I hope  you're all justified
In knowing no matter what I would've died
It really has nothing to do with any of you
I'm just done with what I've been going through
Honestly my only regret is trying so ******* hard
All the while knowing I'd only end up broken and scarred
I was broken long before anyone found out
I'm past wanting to know what life is about
I have tried to nurse my crippled soul
No warmth comes from a heart with holes
Both have been frozen for so long
I still can't find where I went wrong
I'm stuck up in my own issues and ills
So I'm ****** up off these papers and pills
Just a ghost leaving what's left of me
On this pad for the world to see

So many false truths
Even more honest lies
From beautiful youths
With such eager eyes
It is in such contradictions
We all become such slaves
To our own convictions
Until we fall asleep in our graves

These pits six feet deep
Tucked away in the back of the mind
With all the secrets we keep
Hoping no one will ever find
So afraid of what people think
About our scars and flaws
Knowing they won't see the link
Between the effect and the cause

Little do we know
Everyone has their fair share
That they won't show
For fear no one will care
As such all demons feed
On this cycle of pain and shame
Not only this they breed
Bringing more players to the game