i may have never been good enough for you,
but i sure as hell will be good enough for myself.
never again will i let anyone eradicate my self confidence
right before my very eyes
and never again will i succumb to trying to living up to anyone's standards besides my own.
especially to that of a boy.
i can't make your body ache to intertwine with mine,
neither can i be your muse,
and neither can i make your heart go into cut time every time i'm near.
but the good thing is,
it doesn't matter.
you can't force pieces that don't fit
and you just can't force feelings that aren't there.

It wasn't until I was 20,
feeling down and out,
that I realized something important.

Self Worth Matters.

I had spent so many days
drawing my worth from others
wasting my time for 20 years.

Life does not offer a guarantee
that everyone we encounter will stay.
The only one we live with forever,
is ourselves.

I realize now that I shouldn't have spent all that time
all of those years
putting my happiness into other people's pockets.
Happiness comes from within, not without.
Never forget it.

Yes, kiss my neck.
No, don't go back to my lips.

Give me more of your warm, wet air against my goosebump covered neck.
Bury your face into me.
More!
let me show you
just how much.

Yes!
right at the base of my neck where it meets my chest

Don't be shy,
I don't care if the world can see this tomorrow.
Actually, bruise me,
make sure
they all can see
it feels so
much better with that
assertion.  

I don't need to see anymore, just let me relish the bright blindness of eyes shut tight
I'll figure you out with my hands.

Yes! press your tongue against me in that seal you made with your lips.

And yes, the only time I want you to stop laying those kisses is for
an audible breath.

Better yet a small moan
when my hands slide under your rough denim and past your soft jagged ridges of lace,
a strong grip and squeeze of your ***.

That's it..
Now you're setting me off.
Yes, I want flesh on flesh.
No, I'm done with this hesitation
and your shirt.
I don't need mine either.
Actually, you can stop making my blood rush
through my neck.
Better only be for a moment though
while our hands grasp
for whatever part of our shirts to pull them off.

Yes, crawl further up me
let me feel your heating skin
against my blood boiled body.

No, don't just crawl-
straddle me
like this.

Actually, that sly lick against my earlobe made me groan.
Better yet
move your hips like- yes! just like that.

And Yes, we're still wearing too many clothes.
And yes, exactly, fix that problem.

No! I'm not done with those lips quite yet.
Exactly. That's the spot and don't you stop.

Actually-no-yes!-what was I saying?

Oh- that's right,
better yet,
turn around-but don't let go of me with your tongue and kiss-
my tongue also wants a taste. Y-yes..!

Your fingertips tickle my spine
Your hands caress my thighs
Youre kissing on my lips and my neck
Your eyes look deep into mine
But the truth is
you
will
never
Be in
love
with
me

is it love?
is it lust?
when you want a guy
biting on your neck
and kissing every inch
of your bare skin
getting chills
down your spine
as he goes further down
intoxicating you with desire
going lower
as it
takes
you
higher
as the moment
makes an impact
on passion's
radar?

She kissed me
not because
she wanted to
but because
she could.

We fell in
love.
Not because
we could
but because
we wanted to.

We made
mistakes.
Not because
we wanted to
but because
we could.

We thought
we were
perfect.
Not because
we could
but because
we wanted to.

I vomited in
the bathroom
of a
Baltimore
7-11
because
sometimes
you cannot
hold it in
much
longer.

Her hands shook
as she held her
mirror
because
sometimes
your reflection
can only
tell you
so much.

My body shook.
Her body stiff.
And when
the bodies
move
the hearts
stop.

She lied some.
I drank words.
The veins
in hands
are maps
to imagined
consciousness.

Really,
it's just
a
*******
*****.

Music to
my ears.
Nervousness
between
blinks.
Noise to
my brain.

She said,
"I love you"
not because
she wanted to
but because
she could.

I said,
"I love you, too,"
not because
I could
but because
I wanted to.