"My heart is a pre-owned game,
with you being the current controller.

Having being reset over and over,
I am hoping that you will be the one to pass the level and clock me,
body and soul"

"How Are You?"
BROKEN.USELESS.ALONE.
CLUELESS.FUSED.
BETRAYED.FRAGILE.DEPR­ESSED.
ANXIOUS.
PATHETIC.DEFEATED.NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
BITTER.CRUSHED.NOTHING.

"Fine"

"Poetry is proof that humans are capable of magic"

And if it's falling that you're afraid of,
we can hide from commitment
and convince ourselves
that we're just friends.
I'll learn the curve of your
smile and you'll connect my
freckles like constellations
and we'll pretend we aren't
falling like leaves in October.

I Hurt
I don't even know where exactly
I Hurt
It's just a dull dry ache of the soul
Depression
It's just a fancy word for saying you're dying inside
... I Hurt

" Don't ever put your happiness in someone's else's hands.
They'll drop it.
They'll drop it every time"

"Pretending to be happy when your dying inside is proof of just how strong of a person you are."

"For some strange logic,

You seem to be the only constant idea out of all my lingering thoughts.

Oh, how I wish you were here instead of in my head"

'... And she had come home to a family that she was about to destroy..."

At least twice it happened.
The first time I was five and the other I was nine.

Both instances I had no idea what was happening.

It was only when the risk became known to my younger sister that I decided to speak up and confess my disturbed past.

My Parents shredded their tears and rejoiced at their failing as guardians.

Could their rivers that run from their eyes help me now? They certainly couldn't help me back then when I was trapped in his bed. Cemented between his aroused body that was firmly pressing down on me or the unfamiliar scent radiating from the uncomfortable mattress that lay beneath me. I was five.

Could their pleas of forgiveness help me now? They certainly couldn't when I was sitting on his knee as his unhesitant hand crept higher up my leg, reaching to the buttons on my jeans and unwillingly entered beyond the waistline.  I was nine.

Can therapy help the fact that I hate men? How I despise the idea of love and coward away in a corner when I think of becoming close to someone. How about I can’t even be in a room alone with a male without welcoming on a panic attack.
I am scarred for life and no amount of pills or talk sessions are going to change that.

Don’t try.

"I thought losing you was my death,

But it was when you found someone else that I died"

Letting go of your hand was easy,

  It was letting go of your heart that was hard.

In twenty years from now
I don't want to be just another name
In twenty years from now
I still want to be in your life
In twenty years from now
I want someone to stop you on the street
Ask how you're doing
And bring up my name
In twenty years from now
I don't want your answer to be
"I haven't seen her in ages"
In twenty years from now
I hope you say
"She's waiting for me at home"

His skin was one of tissue paper almost; So delicate yet could tear under the simplest touch. I believe his heart was too.

Not all can fathom the concepts that what is here was once not and what was here once now isn't. The soil doesn't change, nor do the old trees, yet the buildings are broken down and the people soon leave.
The visuals and sights that have over time been consumed within the air still linger in our breaths.
The road was once dirt, the river once land, that home once someone else's home.
Physical attributes change yet so do the emotional ones. A place of war and blood shed will become peaceful and goodly. A place once deemed dreadful will be contradicted by time and seen as content and amicable. A person once admired and lively will become a person admired and dead.
The air doesn't change but everything else does, allowing the next people to breathe it's past in.

Oh, how I wish I was a child again.
So care-free and naive.
Innocent and wondrous.
Curiosity would fill my mind and all the wondering's I have discovered would complete the gaps.
New friendships would be the highlight of my day and a cut on the tip on my finger would ruin it.
Oh, how I wish I was a child again,
living life to the fullest.

"Every women needs a man that will ruin her lipstick

and

not her mascara"

I worry there is something broken in our generation;
there are so many sad eyes on happy faces.

"My very existence is compelled and based on your own.
It has been for a while now.

My heart becomes quickly complex with just a mere thought of you
and
with you physically near, I find it hard to breathe.

I find myself falling faster each day,
Surprising myself just how I haven't crashed yet.

And I keep on diving,
Silently pleading each day your hands will come out and catch me,
Forever placing me in your heart.

Yet you continue to look on.
Gazing beyond me, your naked eye looking onto others.

I inhale into false hope, living off of it.
You're my drug, piercing my veins.
My addiction and cure.

Save me.

"Your soul;  running through my veins.
Your eyes; planted in my sockets.
Your fingertips; cemented in my skin.
Your heart; caressed in my chest.
Your voice; a constant melody ringing throughout my mind.
Your arms; the forever reserved safe house only for me.

Marked by one another with the same skin,
we take to the Earth together.
Only to be parted by death,
forever asleep in slumber... "

"The huge distance between us is almost as big as the need
I have for your precious lips."

"If you're alone
and
I'm alone,

Then I guess were in that together"

And with our hearts sinking to our toes,

And fingers entwined with none,

We ride off into the sunset.

Looking for a new shadow cast upon the ground,

And wishing on the stars,

It wont end up like last time.

Often, I picture us
holding hands and watching movies,
sitting on benches beneath oak trees,
hearing you laugh throughout the day,
and catching you smile,
when you think I don't see

and all I can do is hope
that when you close your eyes
your mind is filled
with thoughts of me.

We stopped checking for monsters under the bed
when we realized they were inside of our head.

"Do you ever think,

maybe,

just maybe,

we will find the place

where our dreams and reality collide?"

They ponder on why you starve yourself,
yet,
Complain when you are over-eating.
They tell you to seek help,
yet,
question on why you have a counselor.
They tell you to get a boyfriend,
yet,
Call you a **** once done.
What if they found out I cried myself to sleep every night.
Get over it?
What if they found out I slit my wrist as an escape.
Attention?
Next time I should just dig the razor blade a tiny bit deeper.
And
just
Bleed.
Now THAT would surely satisfy them.

"Why are you always,

hiding yourself in the shadows of the moon?"

I was being pulled by this black spiral,
going further and further and further
down until,
I was hiding under the rocks of the bottom of the sea.

" Yes I have left,
But there will be a time when we can rekindle our fingertips back together and dance in the darkness again.
I’ll be right here watching and waiting for when you come join me in the shadows"

"Now I know you're the reason why
my heart is broken and my tears are shredding.
You were the darkest shade of black
and
I was just a little too bright"

Money is man made.

Hears a funny thought!

Why not just print enough for everyone?

Suicidal people are angels who just want to go home..

I envy those who believe in a God,
Believe in a source of higher power.

For they are merely strange thoughts,
embarked from life by another.

"Its hard to be disappointed when what you expected turns out to be true."

"Life as I know it morphs into a memory more and more
as you take each and every step away
from me."

I'm confused
Dazed
Pondering on myself
Questioning beliefs
Doubting up-bringing
Do I want her?
Do I need her?
I didn't think so at first
But every single time she talks to him
God,
It drives me mad.
That's it
I want her
Like a kid at Christmas
I need her
Like a moth to a flame.