I would stay for this--
and only this--
but I wouldn't stay for you.

Because

I can have this--
and so much more--
without you.

I miss Chicago.

I miss walking everywhere with my best friend.

I wish I had been brave enough to take his hand on those walks.

I miss walking with my puppy to go meet him after class.

I miss the adventures we had, and planning more adventures with him.

I miss splitting pastries and snacks and meals with him.

I miss joking with him, laughing with him, playing videogames with him.

I miss the silly little nudging game we used to play on the couch, on the train, on the bus.

I miss when our stop was near and he would turn back and offer his hand so I wouldn't fall...and he would lead me to the door before letting go.

I remember the first time he held me...I thought I would lose my mind, I thought I would cry, I thought I would die.

When I close my eyes, I can still feel how his hands felt, intertwined with mine.

I miss laying in bed with him, listening to his heartbeat and just breathing him in, his arms around me.

I remember the time he fell asleep, his arms around me, his hands in my hair, his face so close to mine.

I should have kissed him then. Instead, I confessed when he woke...and he listened to me and let me cry for what couldn't be.

I miss when he would take my face in his hands and tell me everything would be alright.

He doesn't love me. Not like that. But dear god I felt loved, oh so loved, those two weeks.

"...There are miracles in the way their eyes linger, wishes in hands that are kept folded to still the trembling.

There is wonder in knowing that, someday, they will never have to let go, ever again.

This is what I fight for, this is what I've waited for, this is what gives me hope for the future.

This is what's meant to be.


...But late at night, when the bed that waits for me is empty, I fold wishes in my hands, and shed tears for what cannot be."

you are calling from the kitchen

would I like
   strawberry jam on my toast

strawberry jam?

   I think
I forgot we had some

in the refrigerator
   between the peanut-butter

   the almost empty jar
of gloopy marmalade

I shout back yes

I will have jam on my toast
   why not

   I feel healthy
I am growing a smile

there’s you and there’s life
and it’s only Monday

   you know

What's the point
Of living in a 600,000 dollar home
When you spend 40 hours a week
In an office

And two hours watching the television every night

I don't get Americans
Baby boomers especially

Forever saving for the future
They have to have it all
Never really seeing the present

Strange these people

This way is all wrong
Completely and totally wrong

They sacrifice their health
And drink coffee
Their whole lives
And take these pills

And it is all just *******

I will live frugally
And maybe one day buy an RV
And drive around the country

Our hearts were at war.
Now my heart has given up on you.
I see nothing more to fight for...
No hope in you.
All this time I was fighting-
Until I just decided I'm not right for you.
And you're no good for me either,
So now what do we do?

I felt stuck for a long time,
but now I see things clearly.
I have nothing more to offer you,
You really did take the best of me.

You used me then expected me to still be the same girl.
I spent too much time debating and I've decided to let go.

For once I'm doing what's best for me
And I know you won't understand.
I hope one day you find peace within
And that love finds you again.