I want to softly whisper
incomplete poems
on your collar bones
that don't rhyme with anything
but your heavy breathing.

I want to bury my face
in the curves of your neck
because you smell like the winter clouds
and I've been gazing at the sky
since you left.

it's 10:42,
and all i want is you.
this room keeps spinning and spinning,
and i don't know what to do.
there's eighteen different voices
demanding i make these choices
because, girl. it's the bottom of the inning.
stop. there are too many noises.
it's okay. it's all in my head.
still my veins are dripping blood red.
oh, how i wish i could go back to the beginning,
but i sit here hoping that i'll just drop dead.
so here's to a stroke of luck,
to life not being able to ****,
to having you back because then i'll be winning
instead of crying my eyes out like a pathetic ****.

It's pure madness.
It is.
You think all these weird and strange and impossible thoughts, and you just want to, no, need to, tell someone every little thing you've ever thought.
But you can't.
Because you're absolutely terrified of what they'll think of you.
Because they'll judge you for being different.
For being abnormal.
They'll judge you for being you.
And then your mind starts to move at a thousand miles per hour to form logical reasons why you can't be the same as them.
Your head begins to spin because of all these thoughts colliding, and you can't stop it.
You couldn't stop it even if you tried.
Even if you wanted to.
Then, your mind, it... it just dies.
As if it were pushed to its absolute limit.
You feel horrible, and it's all because you don't know anyone could possibly comprehend you when you can't even do it yourself.
Then, to punish yourself.
To feel numb.
You cut yourself.
And you bleed.
And scar.
You hide it so that no one will ever know.
And the worst part?
It works.

if i found it in me
if i travelled to the depths of my humanity
and carved out a fragment of my soul
and wrapped it up in shiny paper
would you grant me a favor
would you take it

if i held your hand smiling
if you then followed me blindly
and i lit a pathway
and the flicker cast shadows on the wall
would you stay or would you crawl
would you let go

if you remained at my side
if i spoke of all the nights i've cried
and you fixed your gaze on your feet
and in your eyes was fear
would you whisper in my ear
would you tell me you still loved me

you're tracing circles
on my skin again. maybe,
we can stay right here.

i thought you’d fixed me,
but when you left, i broke down.
i haven't healed yet.
the tears may have stopped flowing,
but i'm still dying
because i know you are, too.
and that hurts like hell.