I feel my heart beating slower deep inside of my chest
You can't accept me at my worst you won't be there for my best
Thinking less and less
Yet, I'm falling apart
The girl who I thought I loved blamed me for someone else breaking her heart
My friends get together and forget to mention my name
My mother only remembers the old me and reminds me of all her past pain
Calling on the sun but only getting the rain
Used to be obsessed with money and thought only respect meant fame.
****** I was wrong
I ripped up every old song
This shortness of breath is killing me and my days are becoming too long
"A man shouldn't shed a tear"
But I'm crying while writing this ****t
"Learn to gain control"
But I'm constantly losing my grip.
So much of the devil's toxins in my body that it's making me sick
Thought I changed who I was but the mirror is still showing me a *****
I can't say sorry anymore and I can't keeping apologizing
Feeling all your judgmental stares is beyond agonizing.
Lack of offered help ain't surprising
Thought I could pick up the pieces
Asked God for a lil help and he said "boy, you need Jesus"
Morally I'm a sinner and mentally a beginner
A carnivore stuck in a world of cantaloupe so I starve without dinner
Cause I feast on the flesh of the ignorant and blind souls
The ones that get stuck in their own way and can't do ****t on their own.
Please pick up the phone!
Suicide hotline!
These sharp thoughts are cutting me up and slowly killing my mind!
Running to the darkness but not a space to hide
My heart is begging me to stop feeding it hatred inside
So I..

I... Continue to try

But I still lack a lot of the visual qualities
Integrity, Confidence, Character and being able to fit in with society
Put the bottle down and prepared for a life of sobriety.

(Heart speeds up)

Where is this sudden strength?
Where does it come from?
It's the lowest times of our life's that test you in who you could become
And I wanna become great...nah, I wanna become good.

A good person, a good friend, a good man.
And do everything a good man should.

This a message that says no thing or person should ever break you and shatter you, to the point where you can't fix it.
It's not the dog in the fight, it's the fight in the dog that gets us through and wins it.

but I stopped fighting...I'm taking off now.

to the first flight on cloud 9
Because I'm finally at peace with myself, I found happiness, purity

I found...

Peace of mind.

I'm doing fine.

Now we will count to twelve
and we will all keep still.

For once on the face of the earth,
let's not speak in any language;
let's stop for one second,
and not move our arms so much.

It would be an exotic moment
without rush, without engines;
we would all be together
in a sudden strangeness.

Fishermen in the cold sea
would not harm whales
and the man gathering salt
would look at his hurt hands.

Those who prepare green wars,'
wars with gas, wars with fire,
victories with no survivors,
would put on clean clothes
and walk about with their brothers
in the shade, doing nothing.

What I want should not be confused
with total inactivity.
Life is what it is about;
I want no truck with death.

If we were not so single-minded
about keeping our lives moving,
and for once could do nothing,
perhaps a huge silence
might interrupt this sadness
of never understanding ourselves
and of threatening ourselves with death.
Perhaps the earth can teach us
as when everything seems dead
and later proves to be alive.

Now I'll count up to twelve
and you keep quiet and I will go.

from **Extravagaria

you used to buy the case
before the rest of us had the *****
you walked right in to that asian market on 3rd
and placed the beer on the counter
they once asked for your license
you told them you had a dui
they never questioned you again