I found an old box
of disposable latex gloves
and became
  entranced
  aroused
  foolish
I pulled them on,
   becoming breathless as their fibers
   closed tightly around my fingers
shaking
I raised a hand
to my throat
and let it caress
and clamp
tightly around it
the other hand
smoothing into my stomach,
together they moved
and groped
and pulled
tracing memories
of latex gloves on my body
desecrating my temple
praising my goddess
freeing me of-
         - I ripped them off-
                                       exhausted
                                       breathless
                                       ashamed
          I wanted more
          I wanted to ask for more
          I wanted to run back and ask
          I was still his sub his slave
          I fell to my knees and worshipped
          I was ashamed I felt weak
          I didn't care
        
          I wanted more

I am sewing a dress
with the thread of strength,
And knots of ambitions,
And when it’s ready,
Then will iron it
with the remission,
I am sewing my broken soul!

By: Nida Mahmoed.

She's planting out her window box
Young shoots are showing through
She thinks about the Springtime
And the garden she once knew

There were primroses and daffodils
Sweet violets white and blue
She thinks about her husband
And when their love was new

Buds and blooms open up
They scent and colour Summer long
She thinks about those happy days
When they were young and strong

Sunset's falling sooner now
Petals drop, the show is done
She gathers up her Winter shawl
Prepares for what’s to come

i think about
a lot of things
and most of them
don't stay for long
but if i had to
sum it up,
for you,
i think i'd try.

i think about my memories
and replay laughs
and lessons, kisses
and the first time seeing
people who i now know well.

i think about the near future
and try to tame expectations
and try to focus on the now
but sometimes it
gets tough.

i often feel like
dipping in and
out of life like
something rolling
back and forth
along the wave break
resting now and then.

but mostly i just
think of that
which is before me
like a map or
flower or a shadow
or whatever form i find.

so when you asked me
what i think
it at first seemed
a riddle, for
i'm not sure
that i think at all
now that i
think
about it.

I guess I'm just tired
I spent all this time
Thinking I was healing
But In fact I was concealing
The fact that I still in love you
And even one year later when you sent me
An empty  apology that projected more blame on me, I accepted it and took the blame and used it to cool my burning body
And I have been hiding behind anger
Masked by nicotine and kerosene
To make myself believe
You aren't the person I thought I'd marry
And that forgiving you didn't destroy me

Just as I curled in my ball of warmth, murky clouds came forth
With a petulant frown on my face, away the clouds I try to chase
Still above me disturbing my peace, I yield the fight and cease
A wounded heart I carry now, but these clouds I can’t allow!
To mend and heal, I need these clouds to peel!
Pained I look around, for a weapon to be found
Upon a pen I chance, and a flicker of hope I glance
Swiftly I snag a sheet, and witness my fingers scribble a feat
Once my frenzy came to end, my peace slowly recommenced
Now a contended smile on my face, the heavy clouds have been replaced
Cool breeze ruffles my hair, and I inhale rejuvenated air
Back to my ball of warmth I curl, my eyes close, and in comfort I twirl

Enjoying as I always am, my solitude by the river. Trickling my fingers down a cold stream, a gentle gleam on its surface.

Enjoying as I always am, moments of quiet silence, disrupted by the sightings of the usual travelers.

Involved as they are in the clashing of paths, finding footing and stones to grasp, swearing or enduring, mocking or revering, all are alike.
A distant observer I am, watching the unraveling of time where victories are born, and failures pitifully scorned.

Vigorously, you came upon me with excitement in your eyes. You nestled beside me and pointed a finger at the scrabble in sight. ‘Not again’ I said to myself, with trepidation and anticipation just the same. ‘Go’ you said, ‘join the foray’.

You sang your promises so smart, and I unwittingly opened my heart. For I, can’t quench that hunger for more; for the endless possibilities and for that one bond.

And I knew, oh I knew I would tumble to my knees. Perhaps even get my heart diseased! For you are both my perpetual downfall and relief.

You, my intrepid Expectations.