The scary part about those nights where the voices get too loud is the screaming to yourself in the hope that the demons leave. They scream at me “WHAT’S YOUR PURPOSE” and that I am worthless, but scarier still is when you start to believe them.

she who wanted to be
more
than a pretty face
and soft skin

/

nothing more
than a fading
daydream-
sick

they tell you to play the game
but you hate it

it’s breaking your spirit
and you want to get out
of your head
but at least there you feel like
no one can get you.

or well
that’s what you thought.
you thought that
if you stayed in your mind
you’d be fine
but it betrays you

intelligent
existential
no good
get OUT of my head

please just get out of my head

loneliness
used to taste like cough syrup,
coating my throat
in artifice.

now i'm just lovesick
dancing in a sea of lights
they kiss my skin like
tulips/two lips/i'd choose this/new bliss/
our mouths collide like planet & asteroid

blood's rushing through my veins
trying to tell me to sing hallelujah
because i'm finally
just
living

and although
the pain is there
it is fading out of touch

i don't know where to stop
but i'll always
start
with this

you look at me again
you touch me
and i think i might
erode/
slip through
your fingers

knowing you won't let go
i drink my lavender tea
with agave nectar
so when you finally kiss me
you will taste
the gardens
you've planted

i can feel my heart race
like it's running somewhere
far away from here
and i decide
that it's running somewhere
with yours

nothing else matters

doll face
lavender thighs
rose gold heartbeat
alternate endings tracing cheekbones
like broken glass
your sawdust jawline

summertime soiree
knee-buckling faith
a mouthful of metaphors
forevers
daisy chained couplets
some purple skylines

feathers
cotton
hushed loving between
celestial bodies
grapefruit and coconut sugar
closing time

deities not quite worshiped
revered
hightop/high heel
purple jolly rancher
dress and tie
fingertips

hips swaying from side to side
windchimes
music
moments
love or truth
now or never

healing
breathless
full of life
merry-go-round mindset
happy dizzy
revolve around the sun

after the last time I made the foolish mistake of believing that everyone has good intentions
I promised myself I wouldn't trust anyone again
but, you see
the thing is that I didn't have to.
there's something about those eyes that reminds me of the way mother nature lovingly replenishes the earth's soil with rain.
and the first time I saw them, I knew I didn't have the option of loving you.
upon meeting you, I immediately fell in love with you.
trust me, I curse at myself every time I sleepily type "I love you more" at 1 a.m. when we're both too **** stubborn to close our eyes and drift off. but, for once, a large part of me believes that you'll stay.