our love is like a sunset.
so many layers
so many colors
we can go from light to dark
or from dark to light
but in the end we'll always glow

If I give you midnight skies with billions of white stars
or rivers flowing with milk and honey
that lie on a fertile land with roses and tulips blossoming in the misty air
will you feel my love

this is my last and final goodbye
as I write this I think of the times you made me cry.
with your hurtful words
and your loving smile to others
the leather belt that struck my back and left the open wounds
the hot iron on my arm when I talked back
and the fist against my skull if I did something wrong.
love me, to mom

why is the silence always the loudest
and why do people kept in  dim light shine the brightest

friendship is a constant battle between too little and too much
like how much do I tell her
if we seperate will she tell
will she break my heart one day
and how do I trust her so easily

im the calm before the storm.
I try to cover all my drama then bring it to you
like opening a beatifully wrapped gift to find out there was only underwear inside
but not just any underwear
ones that are torn and distressed, but not from being worn
its from being passed on from friend to friend.
I wish I had a new gift but this is all I have to offer.
maybe if I didnt always have to give the gift could stay at rest.

hot white sun
toasty warm sand
seas that smile at the night sky
icy strawberry lemonade
liquor and bbq
ripe peaches and pineapples
ahhhhh...the perfect setting

I dont feel like im worthy to go to church anymore
Lord please tell me why
your "people" have become the ones I most despise.
they judge me
speak down to me
like they're somehow on your level

the uncomfortable straps of my bra
the struggle of getting my **** into those jeans I like
the high heels you admire but I dread
the hours spent on hair
and some minutes on makeup
the ugly monthly visitor
the cramps
the aches
the tears
the fear of thinking no ones there
trying not to fuss
and not to fight
and always making everything right
I am woman

the morning coffee brews in a *** with scrapes and scratches
I can smell the cocoa beans and the caramel marrying each other and becoming one.
blue jays sing their harp-like songs, while the willow trees sway in a sweet smelling breeze.
the sky is opening up to me and telling me its secrets and stories.
THEN I WAKE UP
now its opposite and dreary
its raining outside
the thunder and lightning marry each other and become one loud abusive relationship.
the birds are hiding from the commotion of nature that consumes them completely.
the beat of my heart begins to slow down...
and this is my good morning

get straight a's they say
be **** and you wont have to pay.
straighten your hair and let it flow
wear things that cover your wrist and no one will know.
do your best to always hide
what screams on the inside

im alone...
in a an abandoned factory.
with lights so dim only a cats eye could see.
I can hear the chains clicking
while the light flickers in the distance.
the air is hot and choking me
my hair's falling out and so are my teeth..
im describing my disease,
which is basically consuming me.
the scale is God
food is the devil
and I have sinned

big brown eyes
full lips
rich skin tone
gorgeous white smile
intoxicating cologne
why do you do this to me?
you make yourself so desirable,
but yet I cant have you.
when you look at me your eyes don't sparkle the way mine do, even when I see a picture of you.
just like my grandmother you to sing to me:
"you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
you make me happy, when skies are gray.
you'll never know thee, how much I love you.
please don't take my sunshine away"
please release me of the shackles of your embrace.
your personality is a fountain of gold and silver.
you light up my day better than the sun does....Wow.
why don't you love me?

they tell me my hair needs to be waist-length and
that I need to feminine with a man's strength.
that my skin needs to be crystal clear
no matter the season.
and that I must always keep my composer no matter the reason.
that I must wear heels that hurt my feet
to beat every other woman that must be beat.
that being a woman is all competition, and you must get first place.
or die alone and never feel the grace.
the grace of getting married
or grace of being called beautiful
or having an amazing family.
they tell us to have these things we must be "PRETTY"

if I starve myself my bones will show
if I cut my thighs no one will know
theyll check your wrist for cuts and scars
but none will mend the broken heart.
ill pop the pills and die real slow.
quietly, so no one will know.

here your only memory lies
from your funny stories
to your lovely lullabies.
from the times that we laughed
and the times we cried.
we went through all of this just to say goodbye.
but in my heart you will always be
till the day I die and see you in front of me

i hate you, but yet i love you
you bring me joy, but still fill me with sorrow
your presence brightens my day, but still darkens my sky
i love you more than words can say
you'll always be the highlight of my darkened days.
but when you leave so does the happiness.
the demons start to whisper
the stairs begin to creek
i begin to pop the pills
maybe those will be filled with joy.
the blades start to appear
the blood begins to drip.
maybe this will be my one-way ticket trip.
and always remember, if you don't see me again
you will always be my one true friend

passionate kisses
a warm embrace
smooth skin
the touching of the face.
this is now just a **** memory.
but it's as close as ill ever be.
every detail of your face is engraved into my mind.
your full lips
your nice hips
and the smile that never goes away.

short black dress
heels higher than my self esteem
burgandy lipstick
bronzed skin
running mascara
ruined eyeliner
cracked nails......
that turned ugly didnt it.
this is our relationship.
at first it is disguised as beauty and lust
but on the inside it's ugly.
abusive....
shattered mirrors
broken dishes
smeared blood on the floor leading to the bedroom.
no more hiding an ugly face behind a beautiful mask.

I like to imagine flowers dying.
it explains to me that even if we were all beautiful and perfect, we would still wither and die

DEMONS
DEMONS
I feel like I can hear them
but they are not whispering.
the screams are peircing my ears during the middle of the stone cold night.
their faces are horrific
but they have pretty smiles.
theyre quite big, yet they walk for miles.
I know they walk because im followed everywhere I go.
I act like theyre not there and play pretend.
the funny thing is I used to call these demons friends.

hangman is a game we all used to play
but do we know the real meaning of the game?
some words will hurt
some will be the trigger to the gun
some with be the knot thats tied in the rope
some will be the sharp edge of the blade
and some will be the death of me