you are not the boy i fell in love with.

*you are just a stranger wearing his face.

Here's a lovely story for the boys back home
About a crying little boy in a room all alone
He's sitting and he's screaming just to breath
While the love of us life decided to pack her bags and leave
So now here he stands banging his poor little head
Because his loving parents didn't want him dead
So they hid all the pills and they locked him away
Where he'd never see his friends or the light of day
While now his love and his muse is off with another man
He sits and conjures up a nice little plan
He sits and he lies with a smile on his face
So he may soon reclaim his love and his rightful place
"The voices are gone!" He began to explain
"I feel so much better now. I swear that I'm sane!"
So instead of a month he left within the week
Because of that silver tongue of his so sharp and so sleek
He packed his bags and was on his way
And he left VCU the very next Sunday
Well he got home and realized no one had called
"What of my love? had she missed me at all?"
"Sorry honey but you were truly a monster."
The first text he received; He knew he surely had lost her
"Baby please I assure you. I'm better now see. My scars, they are faded. They no longer bleed."
"I can't have you bring me down. I cannot support you."
"How could you abandon me? You know that I loved you!"
"I'm sorry but it's over. I love someone else. Someone who's confident. Someone who loves himself."
"I never mistreated you. I gave you my heart. Now swallow all the pieces and choke on these shards! I fought the war and you weren't by my side. Drank too much that one night and that night I died. Woke up the next day soulless and cold. Sick of the feeling of expressing as I'm told. I can't hold it in. This darkness I posses. This darkness that doesn't ever let me rest.
The things that I see.
The wounds that I bleed.
The voices I hear
Oh how they deceive
They pushed me everyday as you sat idly by
Now that I look at it maybe it is time to say goodbye.
You've done me a favor and for that I must thank you.
I'm finally free and now I must bid you adieu."
He may have turned off his phone but this was not the end of this tale
For sometimes evil truly does prevail
Very manipulative and cunning at best
This harlot was going to put his heart to the test
The man of her dreams didn't show interest
No he didn't give her jack
So in fear of being alone she took that poor sucker back
"Oh baby I don't care about your illness. I love you all the same. I could never love another man. I know you're not to blame. You gave me everything I wanted. From *** to back massages and even your lovely art collages. You brought me breakfast every morning and rubbed my aching feet. You'd write me lovely letters oh baby your love can't be beat. I need you oh so badly. Please don't let me be alone. I miss your soothing voice when we talked all night on the telephone."
"Oh honey how I missed you. I love you oh so much. From the way that you smile to the way that we touched. I need you back in my arms    please don't leave me again. I don't think I could handle seeing you with another boyfriend. I can only blame myself for how I mistreated me. I know it only hurt you but baby can't you see? I'm finally better and I'm as happy as can be! I don't have those voices telling me what to say or do. I really think that we can put the past aside and really start a new."
"I want that more than anything I really really do. If you ever decide to leave me in the end just know that I will always love you."
Well it wasn't too long that he saw the error in her ways and with some help from his friends he decided not to stay.
"Baby please we had a future together. We're practically the same person. Two birds of a feather."
"You sound like a broken tape recorder. You've put me in the hospital more times than the person responsible for my post traumatic stress disorder. I'm sorry but I can't stay. What kind of person claims to be my friend and throws me away. You abandoned me in my time of need. And now watch from a distance as these open wounds in my heart begin to bleed."
"I feel so awful. What have I done? Should I end it now with these pills or this gun?"
"Don't even think about it just live your life. Own up to your mistakes and throw away that knife. Be the better person and don't do it again. I won't be your lover but I'll try to be your friend."
"Oh thank you I lov- oh sorry I forgot.
Being without you is going to be harder than I thought..."
"I'm sorry but it's the way it's gotta be. You're gonna have to grow old with someone besides me."
So now as this story is coming to an end
It appears that out of fear he had to be her friend
He couldn't deal with her blood on his hands
So now till the bitter end this is where he stands

Why won't my eyes close
Why can't I sleep
Why am I ****** to counting countless sheep
At this funny farm I'm awake *** there's no rest for the wicked
While I lay on this bed so cold and so rigid
I can't even blink
All I do is stare
At the blank walls so empty and bare
I pace all night long without a rational thought
Tying my mind into a perfect slip knot
I hear my neighbors screaming
"Oh please let me die!"
I want to help them but instead I just sigh
All night long there was nothing but noise
Screaming and banging from all the lost boys
Even the voices don't make this much racket
I can hear them through the vents so I covered it with my jacket
It had muffled the noise to a small degree
But silence invites demons
Now they're coming for me
I thought I had left you all back home
I thought in this box I'd be all alone
"Oh quite opposite I do declare. The nurses gave us this room to share."
As the night passes on and I'm crying on the floor, I realize that there's no time to sleep anymore
A nurse walks in "time to get your vitals"
Oh the joy of being suicidal
"You don't have to look" as she sticks the needle in me
"Actually I prefer to watch myself bleed." As I looked contently
The blood filled the tube faster than a rocket and when she was done she put the vile in her pocket. She walked away to the next patient's room "vitals please." Then I finally collapsed on my bed. I was finally at peace.

If only the story were over
Never a moments rest
That girl started having heart palpitations in her chest
Her anxiety got so high
All she wanted was to die
She said if she can't have me she'd surely ******* try
I told her that she needed to own up to her mistakes
To which she replied "how much Prozac should I take?"
Of course her parents overheard and they got her in the car
And before you knew it she was in the ER
I feel like a monster... I don't know what to do...
They ended up locking her up in good ol' VCU

Pills, pills for the mentally ill
The more you take, the worse you'll feel
So down the hatch
Yep down your throat
Very soon you'll be wearing this coat
A hug me jacket tarnished in white
With buckles and straps wound so tight
But for now some side effects I wrote
Down here on this pretty little note
Increased thoughts of suicide
And harsh voices to which you can't hide
Nausea, drooling, and anxiety too
And whoever seems to be "after you"
We'll put you to sleep
You won't make another peep
Strap you to a cozy bed where you'll slumber
Pump you till you're as cool as a cucumber
To which we'll add you to our lovely garden
No ifs, buts, or beg your pardons
What's the matter?
You seem unwell
You're as mad as a hatter
This I can tell
So don't start a spell
Don't start a clatter
We'll pick up those pieces to which your mind has shattered
Just take this pill
In fact why not stay
You're better off here anyway!

I should hate you
I should want to burn every single picture of us
into flames and laugh about it
I should be able to listen to a love song
and not think of you
but I can't

I should be able to be with another boy
and kiss him and hold his hand
and not think of you anymore
and how we used to hold hands
without either of us realizing it
and it just happening

but the truth is
I can't hate you
because no matter what I do or where I go
or what I listen to
you're the one that has my heart
and even though you broke it
I still love you with all the pieces