Sexuality is beautiful
It's the blossom of life
Painted deep beneath the trees
Stretching down past
The roots of our ancestors
But it's not in me
Not in my mind, at least
It's embedded in my bones
I breathe it and I sleep with it
But it does not haunt my dreams
Even when I'm touched
My mind remains wholly detached
Lost in my thoughts
Safe and locked inside my skull

The bravest thing a person can do
Is love another
Even when you know they won't last

I don't know how to be
Anything but broken anymore
Left crushed and lifeless
I built myself back up
Into another fragile shell
Anything could tear me apart
I'm barely living
On the fringes of existence
Never truly taking part
Maybe I can't fall in love
But I can always count on
Falling apart

It didn't snow this year
I'm not sad
Just a little numb
And a trifle stunned
The hours pass too swiftly
Pounding past me
On elephant's feet
And it's a shame
That he's spending this evening alone
It's a shame that she
Still thinks we're in love
It's a shame that they
Are drinking with friends
Instead of going to bed
Like they should be

For Sara.

You've lost all you've caught.
& what you've got is not your senses.
Not your lights.
Not your couch.
Not your fences.
Written on your face.
Says all is nothing.
& tasteless.
What's it to grace.
& hope.
When your atoms greet the pavement.
From a thousand feet up.




Garrett Johnson.

my spine is cracking more
these days
what happened to my pen
that used to litter my journals
with chicken scratches
that were more raw
than this clarity will ever be
why did I turn her off
and shut her away
where she now erupts
my mother says I've gotten smaller
and look for once like a child
I feel, for once, like a child
Everything I'm feeling,
I've felt once before
that horrifies me
comfort in dreaming
reliance in hope
I am building myself to fall
but I'm pretending not to know
feigning ignorance
to comfort my lack of motivation
to console the last shot
I'm young enough to do it all over
old enough for it to mean nothing