Do I deserve any of the things I want?
Because, you could've fooled me.
Slowly being reminded of why I was who I used to be.
You can force someone to love you how you want them to,
Or how they did at first,
Or in the way they should've.
This is why, when, and where I want to do everything I could've.
Before you.
Thank you for trapping me in this hell.
Thank you for pretending to be something you're not.
Getting me.
Then tricking me into tying the knot.
I don't like begging to be wanted.
I deserve to feel beautiful all the time.
I'd expect, at minimum, you reciprocate all I do for you.
I give 8, you give 2.
Ten whole minutes of wasted breath.
My love for you is ignored.
Your love towards me is empty.
This is enough to make me want to cry.
Enough to make me wish I'd die.
I'm dead inside.
Your heartless, cold, distant nature will take over me as well,
And you will turn me into the bad guy.
Ignoring all you've done to instigate and break my heart.
You're just incapable of doing wrong.  

(Keep snapping at me, and being mean, and biting the hand that attempts nothing but pleasing you. Every minute of everyday. And I can't even get a genuine kiss. Nothing. This is why I feel I deserve nothing).

You've left me all alone in the same room as you.
And it's colder than the loneliest winter evening.
I can't stand to be here.
Unwanted.

I may go sit outside. With the spiders that weave.
You're not my inspiration today, as pretty as you may be.
Lies laced inside and out, in between each other they play.
Heart strings to strum on and everlasting beats to serve my day.
I turn my headphones up so that I can stay out of your mind for once and live in mine.
It has been decades since I've spent a moment in here, cobwebs and spinners cover every spine.
All the spines to the books I haven't written.
Nothing to write tonight while you're so smitten.

I'm afraid the hope in your eyes is too overwhelming.
That spot next to you is always so welcoming.
The goosebumps on your skin tell me too much.
This average life we lead is putting me under.
The sensations you cause me rush like thunder.

I want you to stop. I can't focus when you put so much heart into what you're doing.
You're voice over powers mine and...
Itching like crazy, I'm thinking just maybe, this is way too much for me.

I don't know how to say no. It's impossible to say no when I'm following you wherever you go.
I don't mean to turn you off.
All I do is mix things up.
You're crying for my hand, I can't give it up.
Keep playing hard, just try to call my bluff.

How am I to take care of you,
Take care of us,
When you live life in such a rush.

I can't fix myself and your addiction,
It just adds on to my affliction.
And I'm the only one who cares.
The only one who stares
Truth in the face.
I'm done putting your desires in place.

Tonight you looked me in the eye,
And told me to accept some lie,
To listen to your sad escape,
And expect me to accept this fate.
I am dying in your sad attempt
To forget your weakness and leave you exempt,
From consequence.
And I'm expected to love you.
Expected to just trudge through
This mess.

I'm so angry I could just explode,
Concern myself with how you erode
And let yourself burst up into flame.
While I stand still alone to blame.
This is why I cannot leave,
Alone and lost, left to believe
This garbage you call love and honesty.

In death I find my truth and peace,
I can't erase this life I lease.
But I'm **** near cause and effect,
This cause your pain, deflect
The rest.
I would but nought to die before
This life you let fly and to soar,
To my defeat and this weak roar.
I'll **** myself to flee the poor
And sick excuse you call a lie,
Into those clouds I wish to fly.

You're selfish.
My anguish.

I'd bring to death those you call trust
And sacrifice this pathetic lust.
In the corner of the bathroom stall,
Fighting this fight against your brick wall.
You told me to accept who you are,
But this young man is far too far
From who I once loved and believed.
I'm done being beaten and deceived.

I would **** for you.
This truth may be the only brew
I'll let you have again.

Somedays I know I care more than you.
Someways I hate how much I love too.
One day I may just leave you behind,
Some days I think I'm losing my mind.
Sometimes you treat me like a trophy.
A fight to obtain but now too easy.
Those days you come home and refuse to speak,
But I never stop talking, showing my heart is weak.
The little things are now no more.
My little things must be a bore.
I know I don't make you most happy.
I know you think I'm far too sappy.
You never tell me I've done something wrong,
Either way, it becomes clear I don't belong.
I just wish that our love was the same,
Instead, I'm alone in this "love me" game.
Maybe I am too high maintenance,
Been broken down to your complacence.
Perhaps some things don't get better with age.
I'll make my role "the" role on stage.
This stage is life.
Make performance of strife.
Win academy awards
Out of backstabbing words.
But shine with that smile,
Always go the extra mile.
Even if your love you won't show,
Mine will always be something you know.
And with or without you, it'll grow.
I'll clearly never stop begging for your undivided attention.
Forever chained between a Heaven and Hell suspension.

(Girl) When you sing to me
Its too easy to see
Your voice gets me high
Can you let out that sigh and just sing for me?
Will you sing to me?

(Same tempo follows)
2. (Boy) When I sing to you
I see right through
The stars in your eyes
-- its not easy to spy what you want from me.
Tell me what you want from me.

(Change tempo)
3. Its not right for a boy
Who gets what he wants
To be alone in this world
Just so totally lost.
If you could lead me astray
(Guy) For just one day
No, for just one nighttttt ("night" sang together.)

4. (Together) I'll find... a way to uplift this cloud
Just to remove this doubt
And bring you back here now
(Girl) I know (Boy - I know...) (end together) its too hard to say
(Boy) What you'll need another day
(Girl) And what you want today.

(Follow tempo of verse 3.)
5. (Boy) Its too bad for this girl
To sing here tonight
To smell her scent on the air
To see her tears as she cries
I want to make her alright
(Girl) I need you tonight
(Slight overlap)(Boy) Meet me just for tonight?

6. (Together) We'll find... a way to lift up these clouds
A way to remove this doubt.
And stay here together now.
(Boy) Now I know... (Girl - I know...) (end together) what I need to say
(Girl) I know what I want today
Know that we need to stay.

7.(Tempo of 3 and 5)
(Together) Lets just stay here tonight
If only tonight
(Girl) Will you just turn out the light
(Boy ) I'll guess I'll turn out the light.
Because I know what you've got
You've got my heart in a box
(Girl) I need the key to your lock
(Slight overlap)(Boy) You take whatever you want.

8. (Tempo of 1 and 2)
(Girl) When you sang to me
I knew you could see
Your voice got me high
I need to feel this high now, forever
(Together) Lets sing for forever.
(Slow tempo even more)
(Boy) I'll sing to you
I love what you do
You keep me alive
I'll do no less than strive for forever.

I got engaged this winter.
Yeah, in vegas!
I've already started planning.
Spring wedding. A-line strapless sweetheart dress. Tanning!
Eggshell with dark blue accents.
Wildflowers and wedding showers?!


No.


Not everyone that gets engaged is Susie homemaker in rage mode.
Oh, here we go. I know
What you're thinking.
"She's only 22, she's in college, she's too young."
Please, save your pity.
I am most assuredly doing me.
I'm so tired of these stereotypes.
Giving engagements all this negative hype.
I see it all the time.
I'm also 22.
No, Taylor swift, not like you.
I'm doing it differently.
My life is also a party.
But
I too am living, only, my way.
I did get engaged.
And guess what, life's not over.
Not shortened, not stunted, not a bore.
I just don't feel the need to get trashed and go *****
Around.
Stereotypically college-like, of course.
You're problem is you think it's old fashioned.
Engaged?
"Oh, **** forget about passion."
It's trendy to think that.
Well, you don't know jack.
I haven't changed a wink.
I don't stand at the kitchen sink,
And cook. Or clean.
I do those things. But I'm OCD.
I'm not going to stop being me.
And a real man doesn't expect that.
This ring, and after,
He's still the same,
Our existence is full of laughter.
It's not sexist to fall in love.
It's sexist to think it is.
It's ******* you judge me for being.
The only difference in my life?
Is he shares my strife.
I'm sprung.
It's not old fashioned to get engaged young.
It's old fashioned to think engagements are like they used to be.
I have a permanent drinking buddy.
And we do drugs.
We share hugs.
And we have ***. A lot.
With video games in between.
Nope, when the ring came out that didn't stop.
This ring is not a ball and chain,
And that's what's wrong with your brain.
You think it's all about him?
I have to live my life on his whim?
I have to check my phone and "he better answer me," 24/7 of quality,
Time.
Nope, that's just you and your ex.
My guy, he expects
Nothing new.
Do I look like a house wife?
The last thing this has done is ruin my life.
I'm in school, I have a job, I have a goal.
I'm not playing some tired old role.
And my life rules because he supports it.
What are you ******* at me for? I don't owe you ****.
Much less an explanation.
Can I live?
He's got the world to give.
And I'm taking that,
On top of everything else I've got going.
And my momentum's not slowing
Because I experienced something beautiful in front of the Nike of Samothrace at Caesar's Palace.
The difference between you and me
Isn't that you're more free.
I've got someone who wouldn't change me and who doesn't want me tamed.
Have you EVER been able to say the same?
But... maybe you all disagree.
Maybe now I don't really know me.
I only know one thing,
And that's that I'm happy.

Listen
To the songs that don't **** you off
But calm your soul.
So where do we go
And recall where to pick up where we left off
There may not be enough to remind you what matters
But keep the show together for good looks
Since that is all that matters
Then the sounds you may eventually feel will mean nothing
And when I say feel
I mean hear
Because it won't mean a thing when you're deserving more than you feel in emotions.
Now we must let go whats holding on
Because after that we will fall apart
And search in vain for things that hold true
Against those that feel good.
****