My dreams fall like drops from clouds
down to my feet and meet my gaze.
I was never very... Out going...
I never knew how to take what I wanted
I politely waited in silence for it to be given..

And when it never came I just simply
withered away a little bit more, one at a time
the light in my cells faded to a quiet
dim,
barely lit glow and I am just happy they still shine,
even just a little bit.

But I can't lie, the difference, is *noticeable

Bring me in from the rain it said.
So I did, trying not to tear the edges
Or smear the damp excretion along the door frame.
Alright good job, it said, then asking, now can you get me my looking glass ?

So I did, trying not to smear the lense with my greasy digits.

Good job good job, now let's see what's in store

So I set back and waited and when it finally spoke...

There was a change in lighting and the animals moved through the empty space taking with them star dust from long before. They grazed the miles of unspoken land flaking ideas here and there leaving enough thought behind that something new would spring forth at the next change of light, and it wouldn't always look the same. It wouldn't always stay the same. It seemed to changed the longer those animals wandered wondering quietly or insessently to themselves... it seemed to stay right on track.

All your strings run all so smoothly
and im washing in and out
Your gathering everything i told you
and its growing very loud

anchor me here Fish man
your bold blues are flattering me
I know its only half passed five
but i feel we both have some where to be

and its home with the rest of you
the chest of yours
the leftovers
my hair in your face
and the stars in their place.

I was hoping You were different.

Like a different kind of soul....

And that we would flourish,

Kind of make eachother whole....

That you were what I needed,

And you'd want me around

That the days could be repeated

Just cause we liked the sound.....

treacherous

You can't save  me when I am here
you can't make me.
You scoped out the information and you brought it to a boil
You measured all the degradation an you showed the inner toil
I never meant to hurt you, say it to me again
I never  meant to burn you with boiled information.

But you did and you did and you did and you did again.

You hurt me, like I never hurt you and you burned me like you wanted too
and you said you would never again
but you did and you did and you did and you did
you did it you did it you did it again.

You showed me the  sticky, dark black tar. that hides on the inside
and always leaves scars.
You showed me the ugly, the broken up mess, you showed me the danger as you showed me the stress

and you said Its not me its the anger this the others its life
is the momentary danger of being over come by strife
and I said leave it to me, to bring that out
yes leave it to me, to be the one to make you shout.
Leave it to me, I can always do it
Leave it to me, I can always ruin it
Ruin the Good mood, I can always prune it
Prune back the life
destroy and destroy it
leave it to me,
I am the dumb one.

This month could have been so stressful.
It could have been impressing.
January had the chance to be so beautiul.
A baby I could be dressing.
Regret is such a small word for the way I feel.
I can't believe this course in life, it doesn't feel quite real.

A ****** is, a ****** was, a ****** here? a dime a dozen.
A ****** girl? just sixteen.
Choose to see life, a different sheen.
Needle never, needle then.
Needle why, in need of a friend.
Need some love, to warm my bones.
was frightened then, terribly alone.
A ****** was, a ****** why.
A ****** wished she could die.
A ****** lost it, skinny and sick.
all that's left, bones to pick.
A ****** disease, a ****** cure.
Don't know if you can recover for sure.
A good person now, a ****** then.
Hard to tell who might win.

A ****** is, a ****** was, a ****** here? a dime a dozen.
A ****** girl? just sixteen.
Choose to see life, a different sheen.
Needle never, needle then.
Needle why, in need of a friend.
Need some love, to warm my bones.
was frightened then, terribly alone.
A ****** was, a ****** why.
A ****** wished she could die.
A ****** lost it, skinny and sick.
all that's left, bones to pick.
A ****** disease, a ****** cure.
Don't know if you can recover for sure.
A good person now, a ****** then.
Hard to tell who might win.

Ser means to be. That which is inherited. That which cannot be changed.
Re means to be again. To come back around to refresh.

Pent means 5.

Serpent, repent.

I package sweet things to say
In ribboned sentimental
You know me like I want you to.
We have taken over this rental...

Covered the walls in legends
Cobain, Lennon,  Dylan
My art is hanging every where
And for you my body is willing.

You pay the bills so kindly
I wash your dishes and kiss you feet
You always have been so kind to me
I have always drooled for your bodies treat.

I feel so insecure,
yet I
feel so self assured
and I
Want you to hear me,
but I
never say a word
and I'm
so ******* bored
of being a wall flower
that I
think its absurd
but I
Wanna Take Just a Little Bit of Power

Give me anything, I want to feel a rush
and Tell me anything, I want to feel you push
for just a little self control
like maybe things aren't always,
So predictable.

Like maybe you don't know me...
And probably, could show me
Just a few new things about you.
Like I dont know you
Cause I know there's something
that you never want to give
and I want to have it cause
Its the only thing that makes me live....
I need some sense of connection, I need some type of confection
some simmered down potent batch
some hate from you and love to match
some night in bed we wont forget
Some song in your head you just can't get..

And we both,
oh we both need it so bad
yes we both
will go to sleep so sad
if the lights stop,
if the nights stop,
we just can't take it
if  the nightmares stop.
give me some sense of addiction

how funny it is to meet
A girl who really cares
and in the second look she gives you
you know no one is really there

How dare you touch what is not yours
how dare you love what feeds on gore
How could you think any thing more
of a spider really but dressed as a *****.

I'm broke, we established that
My foundation dwells on cracks
and in the back of my mind
I always knew you werent my kind...

I always knew she would stab my back
No doubting her no doubting that
I always new she would eat my heart
No doubting that no doubting our part...

Oh lucky it is to meet
a girl who really cares
but in the first look she gives you
You know your heart is hers.

Hind sight will measure a million miles of pain
Hind sight will say pleasure wasn't worth, to refrain
Hind sight is clear and it could save a life
If a life was worth the saving....

and its not

In a town not far from here I once knew of a girl who was far from clean but she glowed of holiness just like you might guess any agent of the almighty had.  
Hep c and spinal erosion she blasted more than just intravenous drugs into her stream.  
Which is why from the base of her spine to the top of her heart seemed to be far over powered by something not quite herself. You could say it was a jin, though lucifer would say it's something of men,
But he knew more, than us, didn't he

I would love to keep her but the body is getting cold
I didn't meant to **** her its just, fightings getting old.
And One last night together is all that I want,
I would love to keep her but to be blunt.

She never loved me any way.
Fighting was all she did,
and now that she hasn't moved,
Its nice to see her dead.

She never did me any good, no one else now too
Its glad to see her finally gone out of this healthy mind
and I would never want her back I never ever would
I hope  there is something better, a new Idea to find.

I will stuff this cat in the bag  
and carry her with me through the city.
In urgency, in urgency

She will be colored orange and I will be dressed in black
and at my funeral she will be released.

The second time I awaken you will be sensually irresistible to me
and I will show what its like to have freedom from with in.

And when Number three threatens His Quake Satan Himself will
Dine with us,
and we will all three transcend.

Oh how you stare in your infancy
at corners in the room
and how my heart complies with every ahh and ooo
And never did i know if i could love you
but from the moment you were born
I certainly do
and how sorrowful you were on that very first day
and how pain filled the sound of everything you say
When life was brand new, you on earth side
When you came forth and i could no longer hide
all of your beauty the hiccups that you had
when you where with in me but sometimes i feel sad
that now you are hear, live your own life
like when we were one i could hide you from all strife.
And now you will age just like I and your dad
and now you will anger some days you will feel bad
And i wish that i could save you
from all of this world
but our love was your creator
and here you are hurled

and the least we can do is be here for  you
and try our very best to create more for you
a life thats worth living more than we had
Always we are giving, keep you from being sad.

I was never very dumb But I was never very smart.
I never really got a chance even though I got a start
No one ever really loved me, as much as themselves.

But I guess I have been selfish too.

I guess I am just like all of you.

Confused.

We don't know our selves, and under layers and layers of false emotion
Under layers of ego and rough tides of ocean,
Under the anger, and under the greed. Hidden behind the veil.

There is great suffering, which we must prevail.

The strength I pray I have.

Sudden movement scares me,
But I will breathe smoke until my brain hurts.
Until my eyes strain to focus and the inscent
completely fills the room and my lungs.

Don't ever lean toward my front door because
I will feel you leaving
and I will lose all common since
all maturity.

Tongued tied I sometimes lie
for the satisfaction of speaking
when i know not what to say
and I am working on this habit
trying to learn a new way
but if you get me in this moment
and you try to tear me down
my ego will be fighting
you will have to shove me in the ground.

Because some things keep me going
and some keep me alive
and some things keep on growing
and some they will die
but I can tell you something
God did get it right
cause everything I need
is found right in my mind.

Sudden movement scares me,
But I will breathe smoke until my brain hurts.
Until my eyes strain to focus and the inscent
completely fills the room and my lungs.

Don't ever lean toward my front door because
I will feel you leaving
and I will lose all common since
all maturity.

Tongued tied I sometimes lie
for the satisfaction of speaking
when i know not what to say
and I am working on this habit
trying to learn a new way
but if you get me in this moment
and you try to tear me down
my ego will be fighting
you will have to shove me in the ground.

Because some things keep me going
and some keep me alive
and some things keep on growing
and some they will die
but I can tell you something
God did get it right
cause everything I need
is found right in my mind.

She said "your wasted and your wasting time"
She said "your bringing this on yours and mine"
She said "You ****** up and I stopped breathing"
She said "You broke me, now my hearts stopped beating"

He said, "Mine Minds broke and I am about to loose"
He said, "the only thing helping is the *****"
He said " I love you but I love me more"
He said, "i will be the one to clean your blood from the floor"

She said, "honey I need you, and your an hour late"
She said "baby I love you but its turning to hate"
She said "lover I' strong but I'm starting to faint"
She said if you ever get ahold of yourself it will be to late"

And he said "you want me, take me, Like I am"
He said "you say you love but you would love any man"
He said "you want to change me, but thats not the deal"
He said "im telling the truth, and I'm speaking whats real"

She said "dude your a child lost in your own world"
SHe said "I've been here a while but your about to lose your girl"
She said "I've been strong and I conquered my vice"
She said, "now you conquere yours or you leave my life"

Say what it is that's been eating you
this grey washed suffocation
Your calling it home brother

Yet
we are far from where the flowers grow in the midst of grave yards for hours so
say what it is that's been eating you

through little holes in the bones
like bees in a tree
and your scratching now
yet nothing is come from your mouth

just seeping from those pores
who abused you son,
oh you from your mother's womb
your lovers heart
your mortal doom
your peace apart.
Whose closed your doors my child of nature my son of man
My divine favor.
Say what's been eating you
So we could bid it rest.

Emotional pain, No words for it, no explanation...
Just a sudden still of movement, a welling of tears
And your in it, over it, You sailing and emotional sea.
Your fighting off waves of anguish, of jealousy...
Oh you want to relax you want to let go, you wan to be free
But its this thick choking feeling, grabbing at your throat.
Its this gashing and peeling, you can't let Go.....

You want to release, oh you want to release
You want to be free from this emotional dis- ease
Will it ever leave will it ever leave....
Im begging, I just want to sleep...

Your so exhausted now, its drained you
This feeling has some how maimed you
There is no name, no explanation for shame
No reasoning for the deep emptiness hurt leaves.

Its there, in your heart in your chest
In your brain covering the rest of you
its draining you, You can't fight it.

Its mandatory, like the physical pain you feel
after being punched in the mouth...
When he leaves when she dies, when they steal
when they lie....
You will ache, You live and you ache...
You feel and you ache, You feel and you feel pain.

Its part of being alive....
Its part of trying to survive....
You live., and you die

I’m reaching up to the sky. Oh I’ve been stretching so long its getting old.
Eternal but will I die, Only if this weakening soul gets sold.
Its easy to think about me, very small, very weak.
Its easy to think about you, very large in love, i already knew.
But I am reaching up to the stars for that everlasting moment,
I am stretching all my bones, just to try and hold it.
The attainment of Perfect mind, a heaven some may say.
The borning out of blind, an eternal lasting day.
And the quiet in my brain will lure it in, yes the stillness of my mind
WIll forget all of the sin, and in this cleansing moment, I will be forgiven.

They say you must hang, the cross be your stand,
Die and be reborn the third day.


And Jesus ******* Christ.
Yes I want to be just like him.

Just empty rhythm A talent to feel
An empty prison but who did I ****.
Addictions listening to every word I utter
I swear I won't be like my mother.
My mother, I haven't seen her in a while.
No its not a joke but i can't help but smile.
She was darkness to me as a child
Probably still out there running wild.
She lead me down the path of destruction
Told me stories of hopeful abduction.
Leaving this place bleeding out whole
She fed my sickness, never fed my soul.
Sixteen years and ended up a ******
she raised me like her, junior high drop out flunky.
Except she had a chance a nursing degree
She had a life, but that was before me.
And I made it worse, just by being born
SO she called the hearse said I would learn.
I struggled alot with her hateful infliction's
She fed me all of her fateful addictions
Read me her poetry old soul in that *****
She was a genius with wrists that were stitched.
Just like me and she saw and knew it
Saw my eyes and knew I could do it
So she knocked me down, surely trying to ****
Beat me brutally only till blood would spill
And after she would come to me
"Baby I'm sorry buts a ****** up world
And one day you'll part from me.
But your always my girl and I never meant
To cause a train wreck but in this life
Women swing by there necks
Its full of strife and we never win
And you'll be lucky if never know men
I have to make you strong,
so you can bare the weather
Lifes masochistic you can smell the leather
I love you more than any man
And if your smart you'll never give your hand
I beat you down so you can fight
Cause from the ground we gain our might
Women are disposable but we regenerate
Baby I love you but this worlds full of hate"

Dare to fear me and blame your self
You may be asking for something dead
and Speak this fear and live it out
You may be dying in your own head

But let that go and you will see
That I am beautiful and I dont sting
You are lovely and you wish to be
Once we heal we will both sing

I love you like I love myself
Clearly and so true
I love you as I love every one else
But remember you are them too.

I wish i had, i wish to hold.
Extremely tender, when I should have been bold.
I wish i had you in my arms.
Sadly i could not stop the harms.
You have vanished before we touched.
In my heart i have you clutched.
I don't know why i long for you
but its all I ever do.

You're  five years in the making.
Prison has done you well.
Same boy I always knew.
Just kind of hard to tell.
I couldn't look away from you.
Your eyes just so familiar.
Strange to think my best friend
Is in prison, a killer.
And I would never judge you boy
My friend ship has always been yours.
And the ties we have in this life
Go beyond all the static and noise.

Something spiritual about you
And the thing that you did.
The person you killed
My own shame that was hid.
And i don't think I ever loved him.
Not like I cared about you.
My friend held far above
The boy who was never true.
Or fair.
The boy who abused.
And so I feel no sorrow for his slumber.
But my heart is wrenching for your soul.
My friend those years ago.
Aging in enslavement
For the taking of a life
That was better off taken.

He's dead now... Its been three years two months.
Shot gun blast to the throat.
My heart aches but not for him.
It was never for him...
He was a urchen, a scoundrel,  a bad person in all.
Sure he didn't deserve to die but it wasn't all Logan's fault.

Devan was Robbing them, and he had a past
Of abuse in relationships and grudes that would last.
Logan was dealing, trying to make a living.
It was december I'm sure they were all shivering.

100$ Devan tried to take, He pulled out a gun
But it was fake. What he didnt know was that logan had one.
and his wasn't just for fun.

Logan had a sawed off shot gun ready to shoot.
and when devan played games he fell off his boots.

Pow, Blast to the throat. He would have survived but his friends were all goats. They dumped on the road.
left him to choke.
HE drown in his own blood

Logans been gone, in prison for 3 years and 2 months.
I miss him when i think of him, and that is a bunch.
I write him and i love him and I wish he never did it.

He has nightmares about it and he will never forget it..
Or forgive himself.
Even though he knows devan brought it on himself
Logan suffers for devans mother, and his brother and his father.
Logan suffers,
Logan thinks.
He remembers the gun powder stink.

Logan remembers and he suffers every day. They were 18