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,how do you know when
(a human is too broken?)




<•>

human too broken?

like the light bulb, removal from its fixture, a simple shaking revelation of the tinkling filament spent, something that cannot be repaired, the only option is replacement and that makes
you cry

the empty box of oatmeal raisin cookies, you find secret’d,
hid by you, not to be found by you
at the bottom of the kitchen garbage,
but box betrayal, by the chartreuse tipped box lid sided
peeking upwards, asking, silencing screaming,
what did I do to deserve
this degrading

like the blouse now too tight that it brings stares as the buttons strain, unwelcome attention unintended,
you know it but still pretend not to see,
for you both once loved that silky guise that so
heightened the high tender, the match of your pink rose skin letting, no! making
your eyes glisten, like broken filament glass, on the sidewalk,
recalling the pleasured admiration,
rain remembered from the
prior priority of a life consisting of only
perfect gifts

so mean revert to the poseur question; this is how...

remove the human from a fixed place, whimpering-threatened,
you may hear clear the crackle cackling  of the innard shards against the misperception of a body intact,
even if you do,
no repair service you want,  can be found, see it nowhere,
is it even
anywhere advertised?

the body presumed intact is secret’d under a tactile coverlet,
holey scupperrd holy cuttered
so that the cells and bicuspids, the threads
no longer function in a tandem,
you keep it in the closet closed,
in the back, deep hid, where,
when it screams why,
it can be safe ignored,
because  ‘betrayed’ is no longer a word,
in your globe's dictionary,
the parental controls activated by you to
save your own inner child’s unconstrained confusion,
it has been removed


so the broken glass, the clothes you dressed each other,
if not weep-well,
well enough hid,
the fit is off,
the fit is off,
the coverlet ripped so bad and neither cares
an unexpected poem, unplanned, needing work
aug 4-5
On these roads I walk,
unpaved and uneven,
I stumble on the pebbles at my feet.
Each one reminding me of my failures,
everything I’ve done wrong.
But You are the cane that holds me upright,
guiding me along the bumpy path.
You refuse to let my hand slip from the grip I struggle to maintain,
and help my legs reach where I’m supposed to be when they start feel heavier than stone,
I’m not a mistake when You are around,
and though I fall time and time again,
You let me lean on you,
and pull me back up again.
I can make it on this old and beat up road,
even if I’m bruised and worn.
Because You never abandon me.
Oh God, You never leave me stranded.
And Your love is overwhelming.
Even when I fall, You are there.
 Jul 2018 Hisham Alshaikh
LUNA
my body starts to get heavy
suddenly i’m all blue
let me just lay down for a minute
let me just be quiet for a minute
dinner is ready
i’m not hungry
i’m sleepy
but i can’t sleep
why my chest is hurting like that?
why is so hard to breathe?
it’s kinda nice everything seems to be in slow motion
actually it’s just me
please be patient with me
don’t be bothered by my shaky hands
or my unquiet leg
i’m sweating
why do i feel anger?
i thought i was sad
i’m desperate
i’m terrified
why do i feel like this?
why is so hard to breathe?
breathe in
breathe out
just like they taught you
5 things you can see
4 things you can hear
3 things you can touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
i’m sorry
i know i was ok
but now i’m sad
at least i’m breathing
take my hand
be patient with me.
"Xanax for the pain inside my brain,
temporarily easing off of the full throttle gas petal that drives me insane.
Almost silencing all of the screams ,
and repetitive voices of my own self conscious, blaming self for all of my
regrets and broken dreams.
The calming of my ugly inner demons,
abusing me with the ways of their
constant torture..

I am still my own worst enemy,
and always will be,
evermore.."
.
I find it hard to talk,
When I'm choking on my thoughts,
I find it hard to breathe,
When solice is what I need,
Because I trip and I stumble,
Down on the ground staying humble,
Because I tried to leave once,
Oh I tried to leave more than twice,
But living always sticks,
And death never wins,

So hold me down,
While I'm drowning,
Because who needs air,
When you just don't care,

I tried so hard to be alive,
Oh, I've tried and tried,
But every night, I think,
What if I didn't sink,
Into my mind every night,
Getting into an endless fight,
With the demons that consume me,
The one's that everyone trys to see,
But I hide them deep down,
And that's where I drown,

So hold me down,
While I'm drowning,
Because who needs air,
When you just don't care.
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