I could write such beautiful poetry about you
I could write about how your eyes sparkle when you get excited
Or about how your arms feel when they are holding on to me
I could write about your jawline that could cut glass
Or your collarbones that could hold oceans
I could write about your elegant hands and how they feel when they caress my arm
How they touch me the same way an art collector touches a painting
Slowly and cautiously
Like they aren't supposed to be there
I could write about the way your eyes follow me when I walk
Or how your arms always find their way around me
I could write about the time you held me up
And how I let you
I could do it
It'd be so easy
It'd be so easy about the night we spent laying in the park looking at the stars
Or about the time we first met when you decided holding hands is the best way to travel
About how you rolled down a hill with me a couple hours after it rained
And you gave me your sweater because I was cold afterward
I could write about all of it
But I won't
Because you are with a girl that puts hearts in your eyes
With someone that you feel comfortable and safe with
Even though you are under appreciated
Even though she leaves you in need of validation
Even though I'm pretty sure she is going to cheat on you
I won't write about the chemistry we share
Or the feelings we have
Because you are with a girl who puts hearts in your eyes
But I will write about one thing
I will write about how she may put hearts in your eyes
But I'll put stars
I will take galaxies and give them to you in a perfect little box
Because I know how important they are to you
Because I know how to listen
And I always listen to you

You know how much I care about you.
And you know how much I crave your attention, and you know I'd wait forever for you.
And ******* cause I think you plan on making me wait forever.
I think you thrive on the fact that I'm so in love with you it hurts and I think you love the fact that no matter what you do to me, I'd never give up on you.
So *******.
**** your perfect smile and perfect laugh.
**** your eyes and how your voice sounds when you talk about something you love.
**** how your eyes light up when you look at me and how close you hold me.
******* for knowing just what to say to make me want to be around you forever and **** how perfectly we match up.
Just *******.
And I'll wait for you, for whenever you decide you want me.
I'd wait forever.
An ******* for knowing that.

I could tell you about the way he looked at me
Like I was a deer head above the fire place in his basement
Like I was the first place trophy he just won simply by existing
Like an object to be obtained
To be won
Sure as hell not to be asked

I could tell you how I mistook that look for love
Like he wanted to be with me
Like he cared about what happened after he was gone
Like a lover
A friend
Someone who actually cares about you

I could show you where he touched me
Physical and metaphorical
On my body
And in my subconscious
Making me flinch when a hand is raised
Or when I see the red dress that "just didn't fit right"

I could make you fall in love with him
With his sweet words of forever and always
His promises and wishes
The way he carded his hands through my hair
And the way he kissed down my neck

I could do a lot of things
And so could he
The only real difference is
I know where the line is.

Sometimes I want to go to church
Sometimes I want to do coke

I don't know which one scares me more

You started a revolution and I got caught in the craze
Your words created an ocean and I drowned in the waves

Promised different and better to the people outside
Gave no indication you had something to hide

Speeches destroyed mountains and men
We were all behind you with sword and pen

We fought battles against something we didn't get
You didn't give us a reason to not trust you, as of yet

Waging a war that we never thought to take up
Was it cool aid we were drinking in that red solo cup

Word of you spread like smoke
You said we were no longer such a joke

We were a force to contend with, that's what you said
We all believed you, until we started turning up dead

You put pipe bombs made of pipe dreams in our head and set them off
The ideas that dissipated with the smoke made us cough

Those promises you made guilded mistakes we now know
Vibrant colors and bright lights can't mask a ****** show

My eyelids are burning
And I don't know why I'm still awake
It's 3 AM and I just want to sleep
But for some reason I can't
And it's not because of a certain person or a certain event
I just never felt the need to be asleep even though being awake *****
I'm so tired
And I'm so exhausted
And I'm so done with being awake past 3 AM  
I have to be up in five hours
Did you know you're the first person to ask me why I stay awake
Multiple people ask how
But you asked if was it was insomnia
And I just said yes
Because I didn't want to tell you that the nightmares are so bad that I rip my hair out in the  middle of the night
I wake up sometimes with my hands bleeding because my nails have been digging into my palms with fear
I wake up to my leg spasm
They've been tense for hours
I can't do this anymore

It's what I'm under

I'm so sorry
I thought you didn't like me
I thought you were making fun of me
You are so amazing and I didn't know I could hurt you
I don't even know if I did hurt you
All I know is you don't talk to me anymore
And you're friends tell me you're romantic and sensitive
And I'm just an insecure flirt who uses jealousy as a tactic to get what I want
I didn't think it might actually hurt you
And I want to be whatever you want us to be
Whether it's friends or something more
So once you read this text me
I'm sorry

You are much too cool to date anyway.

We are exact opposites
So, what now?

It's too loud
Everything  is just too loud
They are everywhere
Shouting
Screaming
More screaming
Shrieking
It's too loud

I don't think I handle this anymore
The sneering
Staring
Lying
Whispering
Begging
More begging
Pleading
I can't handle this

I need you
They want you
But I need you
The hugging
Kissing
Holding
Cuddling
More cuddling
Loving
I need you

Smiles are my favorite part of a person.
And yours
Yours makes a room two thousand times brighter

Eyes are the most beautiful part of a person
And yours
Yours make my heart skip a beat

Lips are the most enticing part of a person
And yours
Yours make my lips tingle just at the thought of kissing you

You are the best kind of person
And you
You are what makes me get out of bed in the morning

I am a girl.
I have long hair and I love pretty things.
I wear make up and I probably spend too much time in the mall.
But all of that doesn't mean that I am a pushover.
Most people look at my blonde hair and smile and assume I must be dumb because I am nice. And I am so tired of being pushed to the side because my heels are higher than they should be and I love to dress up.
And I don't dress up for you, or him, or her.
I don't wear makeup so you think I'm pretty.
I do it for myself.
Not for the catcalls or the leering stares.
And just because I spend more time playing with lady bugs then sticking to the man doesn't mean my opinions don't matter.
My worth is not measured by how many people are afraid of me.
By the amount of hearts I break or the number of times my heart was the one breaking.
And when I said no I meant it.
And when I said stop, you didn't listen because you thought I didn't know what I wanted.
But I knew I didn't want you.
And you treated my body is on public display, like I was some statue for you to touch and admire.
But I am not a piece of artwork that is up for public discussion.
I may be indecisive, and emotional,
I may cry over the death of a book character in the middle of study hall,
But that is my choice.
It is my choice to not pretend that I am not constantly overwhelmed with one million different emotions.
And it is not your right to ask me about it.
Did anyone ask if Joan of arc was in her period when she went to war?
No because she was armed to the teeth with ax and sword.
But you know what, I have armor too.
It may be long flowery skirts, and beads in my hair, but it's mine.
And I will fight till my last breath if it means my body is mine.
If it means that her body is hers, and his body is his.
I don't need you to "protect" me.
I don't you constantly looking over my shoulder and thinking that what I am doing is not my choice.
I am not trying to make some speech about how I am better than you because I am not
We are equal in every way and you need to see that.
She is not better than him and he is not better than her and they are not better than them
And we, we are all the same we all have fears and we all cry sometimes.
It's not up to you which parts of my body are mine and which parts of my body are yours. Because it's all mine and none of it's yours.
Even if I let you close to it doesn't mean I'm giving you permission to touch it.
And you need permission to touch it.
To touch me.
But you didn't have it and you say that's my fault.
That it's my fault that you couldn't control yourself.
And I believed you,
But that was so long ago and I am so much better now.
I don't need you to make me feel important.
I am a girl.
I have long hair and I love pretty things.
But that doesn't mean that I'm a pushover.
Yeah, I'm quiet and polite.
And yeah maybe I bowed my head in submission that night when you told me I wanted this but not anymore.
Now I am going to look you in the eye and say
"No this is mine. The space between my legs is not public property. So you better find another park to play at."

1.When you look at me my stomach fills with butterflies.
2.Your laugh makes me laugh, even when I'm not supposed to be part of the conversation.
3.** When you smile at me I can't help but smile stupidly back.
4. I can't help but blush around you, even though we see each other frequently.
5. The signals you are sending are giving me a headache.
6. I've memorized your eyes.
7.My friends make fun of me because of the way I act around you, but I can't seem to mind.
8.This thing I'm feeling isn't love, but it makes me sick in a good way.
9. I really hope you don't know this is about you.
10. I hope you know this is about you.

No more scars.
No more pills.
No more cigarettes.
No more drugs.
No more alcohol.
Get perfect.
Be perfect.
Stay perfect.
Don't make waves.

P is for pretty
E is for entertain
R is for respectful
F is for faithful
E is for enthusiastic
C is for careful
T is for tame

2500 monsters.
1500 monsters.
1000 monsters.
500 monsters.
250 calories.

More scars.
More pills.
More cigarettes.
More drugs.
More alcohol.
Get perfect.
Be perfect.
Stay perfect.
So many waves.

P is for petty
E is for exciting
R is for right
F is for *******
E is for eccentric
C is for callous
T is for terrible

Funny how things change

I just wanted to say I love you. I can't wait till we meet, and I hope I don't scare you off. I have the tendency to do that. I would like to apologize in advance for anything I say or do that embarrasses the hell out of you. Also I would like to tell you I'm fighting for you. It's really hard right now, but the thought of you gets me out of bed in the morning. I know I'm only sixteen and I won't meet you for a couple of years, but it's you that I stay alive for. It's you and our children and our white picket fence. I'm fighting for every cheesy thing we do, and every argument we have because I know you will be worth it. You already are, and I probably haven't even met you. It's 1:39 am on Februaury 16, 2015 and its you who is keeping me up. I can't wait to fall in love with you.
Love Always
Gwendolyn

Go talk to that angry customer, they won't yell at a cute little girl like you
Turned into
Hey, you have thick skin go talk to that angry customer
Turned into
Go talk to that angry customer, flirt with him if you have to

Hey tell me what you need so I can carry it for you
Turned into
Hey tell me what you need so I can get it for you
Turned into
Do you need anything?

Dude she's 14
Turned into
No they don't call me *******
Turned into
I'm still 16, no matter what I look like.

7.25
Turned into
7.39
Turned into
8.00

You're a little girl, that's why you get payed less
Turned into
You're a minor, that's why you get payed less
Turned into
You're only getting payed .30 less then the average male worker

Yeah the ones that started last week.
I've been there for two years
And I'm still new
I started when I was 14
And they treated me like a feeble princess
Now I'm 16
And they treat me like a useless girl

Even when I am the best
He is better.
Even when I'm right
He is more right.
He's so right I'm left.
Right?

I will be skinny
I will be pretty
I will be anything you want me to be

I won't eat
I won't tell
I won't do anything you don't want me to

I can be perfect
I can do it I swear
I can be anything you ask me to be

Just promise me it will be enough

Feet together
Thighs apart
That's where the pretty ones start

Be yourself
No not like that
Be yourself like everyone else

Work hard
No not on that
Work ******* things that won't help you

Be happy
No not with that
Be happy with the things we give you

This is not mind control
This is not mind control
This is not mind control

We just want you to be like everyone else
Because everyone else is like us
Get a job behind a desk
Get a white picket fence

Grow up
No not that fast
Grow up when I tell you to

Stop punishing me for something I didn't do
Something I would have never done
You treat me like a prisoner
In a maximum security prison
If you want me to stay then
You better lock me up
Because I won't stand for your ******* anymore
If you expect me to thank you for these shackles
Prepare to be disappointed because
I will not back down
I will not succumb to your unreasonable expectations
I will not be amiable towards you *******
Are you prepared?
Because if you think I will outgrow it
You've got another thing coming
Because honey I've just started
This is not a one night thing
This is a full blown rebellion
No this is a revolution.

Running away isn't always the best option
Hiding from everything that hurts us
Scares us
We are not convicts
They are not the police
They are just adults with a God complex
They do not control us
We are our own people
We deserve to be respected
We are the source of power
We are the new generation
And we will not be oppressed by people
Who demand respect without earning it
We are creatures with more to offer than we will ever know
Our talents and dreams remain undiscovered
Stand up against this discrimination
Saying that teenagers are dangerous
Saying we are worthless
Useless
Going nowhere in life
Show them we are a force to be reckoned with
Be who you need to be
Love who you want
Listen to what you want
Wear what you want
Be who you want
We are the new generation
And we will not be controlled

I stick the needle in
I push
And push
Trying to
Break the skin

It's getting harder and harder to sleep alone.

My life is already crashing and burning,
So I might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.

I really did love you
I loved you more than you will ever understand
My heart beat for you
I know that's cliche
But its true

I loved you with more than I had
Leaving me in this permanent debt to you
So I couldn't be the strong one in this relationship anymore

I needed you to hold me tight
I need you to protect me
And make sure no one would ever hurt me
But instead I protected you

I'm not strong enough anymore to take care of you
I held you up
And you let me fall
So I shattered

You left this mess
And now if anyone else comes along
They will have to pick up the pieces
Because I am not strong enough

It wasn't all you
I was already cracked
And there were pieces missing
But you said you didn't care
Because you were broken too

So now we both are
And that's okay because  
**I miss you too

I never thought I would need to stay away from trigger warnings
I have always had an intense morbid curiosity
I guess watching 28 Weeks Later right after Sleeping Beauty will do that to a little girl.

But I could handle sadness and pain
Never letting it get to me.
But I guess after reading hundreds of books and poems about
Suicide
Anorexia
Bulimia
Self Harm
It added on to my hate for myself

Subconsciously I realized
If I needed help
I would need to make my emptiness more obvious
If I wanted everyone to see how broken I was
I had to be more obvious

So every time I read one of those books or poems
The next week or so I would replicate their pain
Never to an extreme
And a blade has never touched my skin
I was strong enough to stay away from that

This isn't a cry for help
Because I needed help a long time ago
I can usually deal with it now
All by myself

Smoking is bad for you
I know
I don't know why I started
I just need to feel the smooth paper
In my hand
Fingers intertwined with death

I'm flying while your falling and I don't know what to do.
Your end is much more permanent, and I can't live without you.
Faster and faster my hearts beating now.
Higher and higher we are getting off the ground.
You seem to be stuck on the floor.
I don't know if I can stay with you anymore

Stay with me,
Oh stay with me.
Stay with me until you're sure you won't leave.
Cause I can't take,
Another heartbreak.
I can't just be another mess in your wake.

Cause you're...

Catastrophic, chaotic, no good for me.
Still I find myself yelling please.
Stay with me for just one more night
Stay with me until you see the morning light.

So...

Stay with me,
Oh stay with me.
Stay with me until you're sure you won't leave.
Cause I can't take,
Another heartbreak.
I can't just be another mess in your wake.

No I can't take,
Another heartbreak.
I won't be another girl in your wake.

There is this girl I know
She used to be happy and carefree
She used to laugh and dance
Always seeing the good things in life
In people
Always receiving good in return

Until she stopped receiving good
She received pain
And suffering
And loss
She tried to stay happy
She really did

Then she meet him
He made her scared
He made her quiet
He made her behave
But in the worst way

He left
But she didn't fully come back
Her smiles were a little more forced
And her laughs a little less real

Then he died
She cried
He was her grandfather
They were close
She broke

Time healed her wounds
But they would never close completely
Leaving a gap
Making it easy for someone to slither in
And break her

Then he came
He made her strong
But only when she was with him
He made them one
Attaching hooks in her still open wound
She said no
He said yes
Then he left

She was now half there
But no one knew
Cause she didn't tell anyone
She still hasn't
Her smiles were now plastered on
Her laugh a little more harsh

Then she left
Without a word
Leaving her wondering
What she did wrong
Still to this day
She doesn't know

Now she's here
Pieces being held together
By cigarettes and Jack Daniels
By a pen and notebook
Leaving her smile in pieces
Her laugh in the dark
And her heart destroyed

But no one knows
Cause she hasn't told anyone
But when I look into the mirror
And see her staring at me
I know we never will

It's hard to be happy when you are always telling me how many times I've ****** up.

It'll **** you
They said
As I light one more cigarette

It's bad for you
They said
As I pulled another out of the pack

You'll get addicted
They said
As I buy another carton

That's the point
I said
Watching the smoke disappear

My sister said I didn't raise myself
And maybe, in some ways I didn't.
But she doesn't understand
Just because we had babysitters
And that people were around
Doesn't mean that they raised me.

All my life I have been taking care of the people I love.
My friends
My family
Making sure if someone got hurt,
It was me.

My sister said that she grew up fast
But I grew up faster.
If I was to be loved then I had to be old,
I had to be an adult.

I'm not saying my life was always hell.
But if it was, then my family were demons
And I was the queen.

I protected my people
From a throne made of broken dreams
And a lost childhood.

The black on my soul will not
Wash off. But I was just protecting them.
I was their savior

**But they didn't know it

Z
Y
X
W
V
U
T
S
R
Q
P
O
N
M
L
K
J
I
H
G
F
E
D
C
B
A

Ask me why I am sad
Ask me why I no longer stay around to talk
Ask me why I have bags under my eyes
Ask me why I flinch when someone raises a hand near me

Ask ME

Don't ask my exbestfriend
Don't ask my parents
Don't ask any of my current friends

Because they are the reason
But they don't even know

Its hell inside my head
With monsters that would make the Winchesters cringe
Scratching the walls
Breaking every good thing in me

My emotions are dead
Insanity has driven me way past the fringe
I've started to fall
Locked in a room with no key

They said I would fail
Somehow knowing my future was grim
I'm useless, you know
Crashing and burning

My dreams had set sail
But my chances of getting on that boat were slim
It was really all for show
That's what I'm slowly learning

I realize I'm broken
I know I can't be fixed
The fates have spoken
*Don't tell me I'll be missed

I just don't care about anything anymore
All I want to do
Is get ****** up
Get ******
And have fun.

I'm afraid of you
You make me loopy
And put my walls down
You have a direct shot
At my heart
You could **** me in an instant
You could shatter me

I'm afraid of losing you
You make me forget my problems
And help me open up to people
You know me
What's in my heart
You could save me
You could heal me

I (don't) need you
I (don't) want you

I'm breaking down
I'm actually breaking
The cracks have gotten too big
It's flooding
My tears are rushing down my face
They won't stop
It's too much
I can't handle it
No one can
It's impossible
The pressure
Was building
Is building
Always will be building
So I broke
I'm breaking
I will never stop breaking
Till I'm shattered
And I become like the rest of the world
It will break me and
Make me like you
Responsible
Boring
Uncreative
A contributing member of society
I get it now
It's pressing us down
Into their mold
So we all fit
I understand now

You'll never know the feeling you give me when...**
You text me back
You smile at me
You look at me like you actually see me
You bump my shoulder
You stand too close
You pick me first
You stand near me
You talk about me
You are you

This is the house where I live.
This is where I learned to have thick skin.
This is where I hid when I was broken.
This is where I healed.
And you can see broken smiles.
And hear fake laughs.
And feel hearts being stitched together.
In this house where I live, I learned to heal.

F
A
L
L
I
N
G
Faster and faster
Harder and harder
Flying without the ability to stop
Grasping at anything to slow me down
Dying slowly
Quickly falling
Not knowing what was at the bottom
Falling in love is scary, I know
But falling in love with you
Is something I am very used to

I am quiet,
Lips zipped by an unforgiving society.
I am pretty,
Put in a cage for all to stare at.
I am smart,
Judged by flimsy pieces of paper with no real worth.
I am happy,
Fake smile plastered on by expectations.
I am strong,
Facades placed in front of broken pieces.
I am confident,
Hiding behind big smiles and loud laughs.
I am brave,
Facing down my own monsters to protect my friends.
I am me,
Loud, average in looks and intelligence, tired, weak, self conscious, and scared.

Running away isn't always the best option
Hiding from everything that hurts us
We are not convicts
They are not the police
They are just adults with a God complex
They do not control us
We are our own people
We deserve to be respected
We are the source of power
We are the new generation
And we will not be oppressed by people
Who demand respect without earning it
We are creatures with more to offer than we   will ever know
Our talents and dreams remain undiscovered
We are repressed
Stand up against this discrimination
Be who we need to be
Love who you want
Listen to what you want
Wear what you want
Be who you want
We are the new generation

I'm tired.
Not stayed up too late tired,
Not woke up too early tired.
Not too many sleepovers tired.
I'm exhausted.
Can't sleep for weeks tired.
Too many nightmares tired.
Insomniac tired.

I'm failing
And it's scary
Terrifying
I can't help it
I'm a failure
I'm fat
Ugly
Stupid
And average
I'm failing
But only at school
Because if I pass
All my classes
Then I will win
This summer
Just you watch
But first I have to pass

Welcome to the Steel and Porcelain Tour
All aboard the Steam Engine
And before you ask
Yes this is run on the tears
Of the people
From this tour

Here lies the happiness of a broken girl
Under the dirt
In an unmarked grave
This is the spot where
Innocence is lost

Over there is
The confidence
Of the boy from your class
Ripped away and discarded unwillingly

That pile on your left
Of undiscovered talents  
Paintings, Books
The cure to cancer and the common cold

And those papers over there
Are the cases that went unsolved
Rapes, kidnappings, murders
And then there's the patient records
Surgeries that didn't go well
Too many patients, not enough doctors
Don't forget the suicides from the psychiatrists
That didn't make it too college

Last stop
The pills and blades and ropes
This parts a bit gruesome, so you might want to
Close your eyes
This is a few of the ways used by the people
This tour is about

And that concludes your tour.
Come again
And don't forget
Words hurt.

Do you realize
How Beautiful
You are?
The way
Your hair
Flys when
You run
The way
You smile
But it's
Never
At me
I don't
Deserve
You
Or your
Happiness
We can't
Be friends
Because
It hurts
Too much
When
You smile
At me
Platonically
But no
One can
Know
Because
I've locked
Myself
Inside a
Closet
That I
Lost the
Key to.