There is this girl you see
She's crazy
And beautiful
And she scares me

She tells everyone
That she is ok
That she's better
That her demons are gone

I can't help but worry
But can you blame me
She had a date
She was in a hurry

Never have I been so glad
For the loose ends she needed to tie
For everything that kept her here
And please don't be mad

Because she relied on me
To keep her strong
So I was, for her
I only cried where she couldn't see

She needed a rock
I made a front
A flimsy cover
I knew she couldn't handle the shock

She didn't hold me back
No matter what she says
I needed her
She gave me the confidence I lacked.

I get the reasons for her scars
She doesn't believe me though
She thinks I would never know
She doesn't understand my souls black as tar

Pretty soon my cover will fall
She will see how broken I am
And I will try to build it again
Pretty soon she will get it all

There is this girl you see
She's crazy
And beautiful
And she scares me

No one knows
What happened that night
They night the four girls
Decided to join there sister

A window took the youngest a couple months before.
She fell on a railing
Because she couldn't take it anymore

The next was the oldest swinging from the fan
Decided no one understands

Next was the middle child head in an oven
She felt like nothing

Second to the top was stuffed with drugs
She didn't feel any love

The last to go as only 14
She sat in a car and it filled up with steam

No one knows what went on in the house
Just that 5 young girls were dead now
An overbearing mother shutting them in
She couldn't stand anymore sin.

As leaves fall
So does my hope
The warmth acceptance
Summer had so many promises
Now it's all gone

Change is no longer an option
Metamorphosis is over
Even the butterflies are dying
Their wings are dropping
And I am dropping with them

Flower petals everywhere
Love me
Love me not
But the flowers are dead now
So love is dead too

Snow is freezing my world
And I am freezing with it
So I will bury the butterflies
Lay the dead flower petals on its grave
And wait for he sun to come again

One hit
Feel like ****

Two cuts
They say you're nuts

Three tears
Filled with fears

Four stares
No one cares

Five guys
In between your thighs

Six screams
From your dreams

Seven bites
Lonely nights

Eight plays
No one sees through the facade

Nine sighs
So many goodbyes

Ten pills
And blood spills

Even if they say
That they
Will change
Walk away

After every hit
Spirit in the pit
Don't believe at
Their *******

Don't even waste your time
To think of a better rhyme
For them
Leave the ******* behind

Because bruise after bruise
Only being used
As a punching bag
Treat him like old news

Because he will never stop
Your confidence will drop
Into oblivion
As he continues to plot

Every hit
He's making a list
To ruin
Bit by bit

So listen to me now
Don't wonder how
You deserve this
He will work you like a plow

So what you should of heard
Of a story so absurd
As a girl letting a man beat her
Because she thought she was a nerd

But no one should ever be treated like that because we are all human beings.

On the ground
Her body lays
Bruised
Beaten
Cold
Alone

DOA
Or that's what the man
With the badge says
Cause of death
Is still unknown
And no one knows
What happened

Missing for three
Long
Years
Still only twelve
No one knows the hell
That she went through

No one sees
The crying angel
The sits next to
The body

Long dark hair
In ringlets down her face
Looking at another
Soul lost
Body beaten
Stands up

And grabs the girls hand
And the hand of her
Unborn child
And takes them to
A place of no pain
But no one sees it
All they here
Is a ****** of a bell
And they smile
For no reason

Later they find out
She was two months
Pregnant
With an unknown man
That they never convicted

Ring
First class
Pain
That's making it hard
To breathe
Ring
Can't focus
Mind wandering
Pain
Ring, Ring, Ring, Ring**
More classes
More pain
More fake smiles
More failing
More stress

More pain
Because
Of you
Of what you said
I can hardly breathe
Without cringing
Is this
A broken heart
Is this what everyone talks about
The absolute
Utter blankness
That now
Fills the place
Where you're heart
Is supposed to be

I can't even breathe
Because of you
I can't sleep
Because of you
I can't think of anything
But you

Heart shattered
Soul tattered
Confidence battered
And it doesn't matter
At least not to you

So when you see
Me getting worse
Don't feel bad
Because its all
Your fault
But you don't know it
So I guess
I will keep pretending

What do you do when beautiful people
Say that they are average
Do you say that you are
Less than average
You are not good enough
Because they are not
Their standards
Are yours
You are not your own
But everyone else's
I guess that makes sense
If you want it to
If you want to be average
But I am not skinny
I am not pretty
My hair is always a mess
I am way too loud
I talk to much
**And I am perfect

A bright flash
A blinding light
That was me
Then I am out of sight

I fly right through
Passing by
Not staying long
So do not sigh

Do not miss me
I am nothing new
Just a phase
Not a special few

I am always on
Shining bright
I don't stay forever
I know its not right

I never stay
I am a rolling stone
No moss for me
I am alone

Lifeisnothingformeanymore.AllIeverseeanymoreispainandsuffering.En­twinedwiththeworldaroundus.Youcanhardlytellthedifference.Youseeas­mileandthepainbehindit,youseealaughandyoucantellthatitisfake.Youw­on'tbeabletoseperatethemsoon.Alllifeis,islies.Surrondedbymorelies­.Andmorelies.SomaybeIwilljustgetout.Quit

The valley
Of the dead
Calls to me
Begging me to join them
Once again
The ****** and forsaken
They want the darkness to swallow me
To fill me with malice
And pain

But I wish not
I wish not to succumb
To the hatred and greed
Instead I want to follow
The light
The radiant brightness
That encircles you

Your aura stings my
Unworthy eyes
Because I am filled with darkness
I am shroud in malice
I am a shadow
That dims you
And your beauty

So I must go back to
My brethren in the shadows
And you go back to
The angels from the light

So I guess you could call me pretty
Or maybe even beautiful
Tragically beautiful
With sad eyes
And scarred skin
Like shattered glass

But I am not worth the trouble
So don't fall in love
I have tears and pain
Constantly flowing through me
Or out of me

My life is crazy
And catastrophic
It wrecks everything in
Its path

I know I seem happy
And always brave
The center of attention
The one people remember

But that takes a lot of acting
To be so happy
And so brave
Because deep down inside
In broken
And weak
I am not strong
And I never will be

***** writing
  **** poetry
   **** happiness
   **** prosperity
     **** ambition
      **** love
       **** greatness
        **** living
         **** fulfillment
          **** light
           **** good
            **** strength
             **** self control
              **** self preservation
               ********* for making me so weak

Everyday I see you
And everyday
My heart beats faster
I have had crushes
But this is something more
Something exciting
Something beautiful
But the problem is
You don't feel it

My conscience
That has been there
Since I was four
Making sure
That I wasn't in trouble

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Long, straight brown hair
Chocolate eyes
Freckles cover her face
Extremely tall

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Shy, but outgoing
Depending on who's around
Impossible to stay mad at
Makes bad choices
From time to time

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin


Silent treatments
Loud fights
Best Friends

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

She is a rock
She is string
She holds things together
She calms the sea
Or starts a storm

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Embarrassing moments
Weird looks
Always crazy
She gets through the bad things
Helps start the good

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Puzzles, swim team
Life changing
Life calming
Starts Chaos
She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Two sides
Same coin
Same person
Different personalities
Quiet in public
Crazy in not

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Keeps things going
She is a bank
A bank of secrets
She keeps the vault
Locked

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

She is like a storm
And the calm before it
Chaos and control




She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Listens to music
Like the rest of the world
But yet, doesn't conform
At least not completely

She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

Easily molded
But not easily shaped
She is not always there
Yet she is


She is string
She holds me together
She is a storm
Starts chaos
She is a two sided coin

She taught me
That I
Didn't have
To be
Completely
Alone

You walk down the hallway
With evil glares
Curious stares
Keep walking
A smile or two
But only a few
You get to your class
Just waiting for the time to pass
You finally get home
And go up stairs
A cut
Maybe two
If its bad enough
Then you go downstairs
Put on a smile
Pretend to be happy
For dinner
You push your food around
Then you go back upstairs
To throw up the two
Bites of food you ate
Go to sleep
Repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Until you can't repeat anymore
Then you get the rope
And the stool
By then its too late
The stool is gone
And all that's left
Is the rope
And you want to go back
But it is
Too late
Too late
Too late
**TOO LATE

They don't remember
The pain of a broken
Heart
Dream
Reality
Hope
They don't understand the
Loss
Hurt
Pain
Suffering
But they also don't remember the
Love
Friendship
Innocence
Ignorance
So they don't remember
What it is like to be a
Teenager
So when they give you advice
It is outdated and useless
But they give it anyway
So when you are hurting
Don't go to your parents
Go to your friends
Or siblings
Anyone from this generation
Because while they say its just a phase
And that it will pass
We are living in it
Us, not them
They forget that
They always do
*Always

Every day
Day after day
I hear yelling and screaming
About the same ****
College and money
But not between my parents
Only between my sister
And my father
He doesn't
Give a **** about me
I am the youngest
The one in the shadows
The one left to fend for herself
They already have
The perfect child
My brother covered that
My sister is the
*****-up
So what am I
Left to be...

I am front and center
Everyone is looking at me
I feel my heart pounding
I see my hands shaking
They expect so much
When I have so little
The silence
Has never been so loud
They tell me to begin
Thats when I forget
Everything I am supposed to remember
Why do they expect so much?

The judge looks at me
Waiting  for me to begin
I look around the crowded room
And I begin
Lucky to have the script in my hand
Everything flows back
I am no longer me
I am the person in my poems
They don't want me
They want her
That is how I win
To be anything
and everything
But myself

As I finish
I leave mouths open
I leave tears running down faces
I look around one more time
With the pained expression still evident
I bow and as I unbend
There is a small smile
Across my face
The rupture of applause
Is nothing compared to
The blood pounding In my ears

As I sit down
I get high-fives
And approving nods
They smile at me
Because they think I was just acting
But behind every act
There is truth

Am I suddenly not good enough?
Am I really that desperate?
Am I pushy and annoying?
Am I unworthy of your love?
Am I unworthy of your presence?

I
Guess
I
Am

I am not good enough
I am really that desperate
I am pushy and annoying
I am unworthy of your love
I am unworthy of your presence

Really must you hate me?
You are too good for me
Am I unwanted?
Never will I live again

When I walk down the street
I see people everywhere
Rushing from place
To place
Not looking
At the corruption around them
The corruption is not evident
nor obvious
It is masked by the
beauty of the
Electrical lights
But really
This beauty
Is the most unhumane
Thing that humans
Have created
It has no emotions
Nor regrets
No needs
Or wants
And is comepletely
Submissive to
Us humans
And our power
Our undeserved power
Over all things
We abuse our power
Unfairly treat
The things that are unlike us
Our pets
Are just that
They get no respect
They have no dignity
And our gardens
Are horrible
Because we are taming
Chaos
And we don't have the right
We even use our power against other humans
That are unlike us
Because of color or origin
Or just the way or what we speak
And also because of what we do or do not believe
Us humans, we claim to be different
Than the wild animals
We claim we are civilized
And polite
Or empathetic
And caring
But really
We are the same as the animals
**Only the strong survive

When I am in the water
Completely submerged
I laugh at the people who wish to fly
Because when I am swimming
The water is my sky
And I am a ******* bird

In a world
Where you
Were not
Wanted
You were
Beaten, killed, abused

Alone in the dark
You cried and prayed
Asking God why?
Why me? Why me? Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?

Camps that
Are filled
With labor and death
At every turn

Still you
Believe in
Humanity
In the people
That are the
Most inhumane

You died unjustly
At the hands
Of the cruel

Your life may be over
But your memory
Will reign on

I am loud and strong
I wonder what my music sounds like to someone else
I hear the hearts of the people beating with the a drum
I see the tapping and nodding in sync with the tempo of the world
I want to be able to bring someone to tears with a string of noise
I am loud and strong

I pretend the world is not conforming into one mold
I feel my heart aching for the years that were meaningful
I touch the strings that hold me together
I worry about the ignorance of today's people
I cry when I listen to the world's new sound
I am loud and strong

I understand the feeling of the mix of chaos and control
I say I am brave when in reality I am the opposite
I dream of a reality fit to my ears
I try to tune out the false feeling about the "cool things" people strive for
I hope people realize the error in their ways
I am loud and strong

Margaret looks around her overly organized kitchen and smiled. " Isn't the kitchen just….. beautiful?"
"What do you mean?" The boy studied the kitchen with a confused look on his face.
"Everything is just beautifully organized, and clean."
"What's the fun in that?"
"Huh?" Margaret turns to look at the boy. "What's not fun about clean and organized things?"
"Well, chaos is what runs this world. Control is what holds it back. If everything is controlled and organized, then nothing will be created, invented, or even worth looking at. The world was not meant to be controlled or quiet,  it was meant to be loud, free, chaotic"

All people wait
They wait for the same thing
And that thing
Is something worth waiting for

Finger fidgeting
Feet tapping
Checking the time
Looking down
Staring into space
Faking your calm
Heart beating
Palms sweating
******* hair
As you wait for them to call your name
Chairs squeak
Doors open
Names called
Doors close
Not your turn, still waiting
Faith leaves
Hope leaves
Love leaves
You leave
Walking down the hallway
Blurry vision
Spinning rooms
A slight pinch
Blackness
Blackness
You are escorted out
A click
Songs
Tears
Beauty
Goodbyes
Hellos
Loss
Gain
You are welcomed with open arms

Some say they want to live forever
They say they never want to grow old
They say it would be easier
But
What they don't know is the pain
The pain of watching
Everyone you love die
Knowing you will never join them
Soon you decide it would be better
To be alone
Loneliness will be all they have left
The longevity if immortality is
No longer inviting is it
Because no one wants to be alone
Never growing old
Never knowing love
Always alone
That is the price of the wanted
Immortality

There are people all around me
Though I see no one
Gray blurs, different shapes
But no faces
I am alone in a sea of people
No one will listen
No one will listen to my story
The one that is buried in time
I could scream
But no one would hear
Not the fish, nor the birds
Only me to hear my story
The story buried in time
Though it does not affect the todays
It affects the yesterdays
The yesterdays from which we came
To ignore it is to ignore ourselves
To ignore what ignites our passion
And our will
And our will to live
Our immense will to survive
The story buried in time tells
Of life in heaven
Life without corruption
A perfect life
A life where we may see love
Not hate or greed
Just everything as it was meant
To be seen
Pure and light
Black and white
No gray blur
Na unrecognizable faces
Just black and white, love and hate
A place where we are not welcome
Not in our mortal lives
But our immortals souls have
The secret password
Till then we are banished
We know what we do
But not what we did
Because that story
Because we are ignorant
Is buried in time

I stare into the light
As it grows bigger
As if to welcome me
Like I found somewhere I belong
A light, so bright

It stopped short
It changed its mind
Decided it was not my time

No, I will have to keep suffering
Pain, loneliness, hatred
The light left me

Why won't it consume me
Am I not worthy
Of course not
I knew that
I would only dim
The bright, white light

I will stay
If you want
I will leave
If you want
I will live
If you want
I will die
If you want
I will heal
If you want
I will break
If you want
But
I want
You to need me
I need
You to want me
I know
You don't
I can't
Keep pretending
...
Will no one save me?
No one will save me.

to my soul
i have blackened you
i have ripped you apart
i have lots to do
before you are my start
to life
to love
to freedom
to EVERYTHING

I am a shadow compared to your sun.
I am the mistake that can’t be undone.
I pretend to belong though no one cares.
I will not be redone because of all your stares.
I may not have wings but I will soar.
Even to you I am no bore.
Think what you want I am here to stay.
You made my joy fade away.

An empty shadow
In your mind
Something you’ve done
Something unkind
An empty page
A missing beat
Something evil
Never sweet
Your blind to the world
Blind to all but thee
The missing memory
No one sees it
No one cares
Your missing something
Something you need
Of course, of course
THE MISSING MEMORY

I don’t have any words
No say, No play
No words to comfort
Nor destroy
No words against another
No words for myself
I am an empty shell
With no say
Because I am wordless
Not worthless, just empty
I have no perspective
My silence is not chosen
My silence is forced
All because I have no words
Problems everywhere
No words
None to share
Nor tweet, or post
The only word I have is empty
Therefore no words

The sky is huge.
So big, like the ocean on a calm day.
But without all the friendly fish to keep the water company
The sky is all alone to face the world
With no one on his side.
Not even the birds or the clouds stay forever.
The sky is never truly happy.
The sun leaves,
The moon leaves,
And we leave
We leave the sky to fend for itself
We are cruel just because we are human
How do we live with that?

The sun doesn’t shine
here
the moon is nonexistant
here
insanity takes over the mind
here
you as mightas well be blind
here
in my head
you are here

The sun sets
The darkness takes over
The screams begin
The pain commences
Hope is a dream
Fear is a reality
Every man for themselves
Futile struggles
Whimpers and aguished cries
Life no longer worth living
Until the sun comes again

your eyes close
you do not want to see
the pain and suffering
that you have
created…
you are a monster
you are like me
an unwanted
forced
with no escape
your fate is set
for eternity